What's our birthday present? Four secondary violations, including two forbidden instances of contacting recruits on their Facebook walls. If opposing coaches had any sense of humor at all, they would have clicked the "Like" button underneath the instance, and then suggested a thousand times the coach play Farmville with them.

One violation if for "impermissable protective gear." The violation is not described in the report, but we all know it was punter Chas Henry wearing a piece of bling so big it functioned like a gladiator's breastplate under his pads. Whatever, NCAA Shine Blockas. Henry on his hustle 25/8, and you're taking the golds from his dead gangsta mouf.