THE SUN BOWL SAYS STEP INSIDE MY HYUNDAI. They might take the Sun Bowl out to Glendale for a feel-good meal, and most definitely will not do them like that Zankou chicken, but the only definite is that the Sun Bowl, the sexy/dangerous bowl game located just a grenade's throw from the most dangerous city in the world Ciudad Juarez, will likely have Hyundai as its sponsor. Step inside, lady.
There's a lot of dudes who still have long hair out there. What's up, long hair dudes? It's the only hairstyle that looks mockable even when you're cut up like a bag of frogs in a Vietnamese restaurant, and has to be hot in the summer. And yet the Fabios among us endure, and sometimes make horrible videos to good songs when all we want is a clean reference for a Hyundai-sponsored bowl game that will, like other Sun Bowls, look like it's being played in a spare set from Starship Troopers. What's up, longhaired bros? Why do you persist in your romance novel hero-dom? We want to understand, we really do. (If you are preparing to use a broadsword in combat, please note this, as it is an acceptable reason for having long hair.)
NO NEWS IS GOOD NEWS. As interesting as last year was, this year is far more relaxing for Florida without the heinous, soul-crumbling pressure of repeating as national champions. This lede and offseason fluff piece brought to you by the School of Positive Thinking, Gainesville Chapter. As for the assumption that we won't know if Urban Meyer is okay until after the first loss this season, that seems a bit presumptuous. Let's see if he shows up to SEC Media Days first. <---taking nothing for granted.
DOOLEY UNITS. Derek Dooley is an innovator, since he's inventing his own units of measure and calling for the revival of the pre-Union state of Franklin in his efforts to revive Tennessee's moribund recruiting. This would join "One metric Mangino" in the ranks of "units of measurement based on coaches." (One metric Mangino=4,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 lbs.)
THE SEARCH FOR SPEED IN COLORADO CONTINUES. Even the defensive line admits Colorado needs something, anything like speed, which is perhaps why defensive tackle Joe Silipo used a pipe to pop a rental bike loose from a bike rack in Boulder and rode off on a bicycle that did not belong to him. One Point In the Fulmer Cup is thus awarded, with no bonus points because Colorado has trouble scoring everywhere under Dan Hawkins.
BRING US YOUR CHAMPIONS. Football and 19th century botanical piracy? A natural pairing, of course.
THIS: is the saddest headline we've ever read, but it happens every year in the second week of January so suck it up, alternate universe Spencer.