THE CURIOUS INDEX, 5/7/2010

DAMN YOU BRAIN. We woke up with this in our head. 

Dad Rock, you will never, ever leave our brain, even if we want you to take the 8 gigs of mental hard drive space occupied by our father's collection of Sade, Chicago, and Billy Vera and the Beaters albums. Did we also buy "Hard Habit To Break?" YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT WE DID. 

PUTTING THE WARD IN AWARD VOMITING IN ALL DIRECTIONS: Pam Ward receives an award. This world is run by those too inept to do anything else but collect nameplates, and this is further confirmation of that basic fact of life. 

YES NOW WE'RE THINKING ENTIRELY TOO MUCH ABOUT THIS. Penn State likely is using the hallowed principles of science to back up the equally sacred principles of profit by moving students to the upper deck, but in the end if you want a loudass stadium the basic elements are always the same: make it steep, made of concrete, close the thing in, and make sure the students are loud, give a shit, and are drunk. Tweaking the seating only changes the seating marginally; building a steep catch-trap for drunk hellionism is the first step, and is one of the reasons the Big House won't ever be as loud as Ohio Stadium. Frying pans spit oil out; dutch ovens keep it in, and also make you giggle because *fart* "he said Dutch oven." 

THIS YEAR'S OLE MISS: ARKANSAS. It should be obvious why Schlabach and other punditry are, yes, going a bit overboard on Arkansas, but  it should also be apparent what cognitive shortcut they're using to discount any and all possible rebound for Georgia: Degenerative Decennial Fulmeritis, aka The Spurrier Rule of Degenerative Decade Coaching Progressions. Arkansas's new and shiny, scores points, and unlike a Richt team will likely go for the goddamn throat in a clutch situation instead of kvetching around with a bunch of screens on offense and zone coverages on defense. If picking teams out of the SEC is a zero-sum game, it's easy to see why offseason rhetoric runs uphill towards their well despite no discernible attention to defense. They're interesting, and right now that counts a lot more than Richt's consistently excellent record. 

THE TIGHT END'S EVOLUTION INTO, YOU KNOW, A BIG WIDE RECEIVER. Traced here and traced well, and with copious references to Aaron Hernandez as the prototypical new wave TE who can be split wide, play in an I-formation as a blocker, or smoke weed and still perform at the highest levels of athletic competition. 

EUGENE CHUNG IS KIND OF AWESOME. There's photos of him being awesome to prove it. 

WE DID LIKE THIS IDEA. And JoePa is still on board, which mitigates Dave Wannstedt's endorsement of the idea of spring football scrimmages going large in Pennsylvania. The primary obstacle there will be the state athletic board, whose bylaws forbid sports competing "to the detriment" of other sports. This is poppycock, of course, since we all know that baseball and track would more than hold their own against HAHAHAHAHAH WE KID FOOTBALL EATS YOUR CHILDREN AND RAPES YOUR HOUSES BECAUSE EVERYONE LOVES IT MORE THAN ANY OF YOUR OTHER FEEBLE SPORTS BOW AND WORSHIP NOW AND PERHAPS IT WILL KILL YOU LAST AND QUICKLY. 

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