FULMER CUPDATE: COLORADO PARTIES ARE DIFFERENT THAN YOURS

being from Colorado and having a Slavic-style name, I’m guessing Tatiana didn’t say,
“Biatch, imma poosh yew inna fy-yah”

1. One does not pull straight off the bottle. The shotglass slows you down and gives your liver a few more seconds to process.

2. The brown party liquors are much, much stronger than beer.

3. This is what we call a hangover. Unfortunately, since this is your first hangover, you don’t know how to deal with it. TOO BAD OFF TO WORK WITH YOU.

Good times, good times.

Four kegs and no weed apparently anywhere in sight.

For shame, or, if you threw it in the fire when the cops arrived, nice going.

Spiked with Scotch. That was an unpleasant midnight call on the porcelain telephone. And the worst headache I’ve ever had, other than the time I quit coffee cold turkey.

My experience in that field goes back to 1978, so I’m well-covered by the statute of limitations. In W’fnV at that time, beer was only 3.2% (though 18-year-olds could buy liquor and wine — go figure), so most WVU students drove up to PA to get kegs from accommodating distributors in either Point Marion (up US 119) or Mt. Morris (up US 19) from Morgantown. I was well over 21 at this time, and was up in Mt. Morris getting some beer one winter’s night when some fellow WVU students, under the PA drinking age, begged me to help them out.

It seemed that one of PA’s finest had tagged them for underage buyers, and would I let them load their purchase into my car and wait for them across the state line in WV for them to pick it up? The distributor had no dog in this fight, and I was all for sticking it to THE MAN, YEAH!, so we loaded up my trunk and I sped into the night.

Now, stealing their beer never entered my mind, because I knew this was going to be a good story. Sure enough, a few minutes later their car pulls over next to mine, well inside WV, with the youngsters laughing their asses off (ROFL had not yet been invented at this time (though MDWMs were well-known)).

The cop had pulled them over as soon as they left the beer distributor. He told them that snow was blocking their rear window or some such tale, and as he’s moving around their car he’s shining his light into it, obviously looking for the missing beer. All the time the kids are laughing outright at him, but he can’t find anything. Finally he makes them open the trunk, which is also empty. He’s got nothing on them and they’re laughing at him, so he resorted to the old standby “Get out of here you punks! And don’t let me catch you in town again,” and they took off, still laughing.

Two miles out of town we make the beer swap and they head off to Towers to regale their party with how they got the beer. Maybe they burned a couch in my honor…

unless you start a massive bonfire in the empty above ground pool with the parent’s living room furniture. I never asked the kid how his parent’s handled that.

This may not count, as Brooks was kicked off the team as a result of this, but he was on the roster at the time of the incident.

http://www.purdueexponent.org/?module=article&story_id=21294