BASEBALL: MOMENTS WITH MY FATHER
by Spencer Hall on May 4, 2010 12:39 PM EDT
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PrintIn honor of Will Leitch's Are We Winning: Fathers and Sons In The New Golden Age of Baseball, we remember our own fondest moment with our father, our national pastime, and the ties between us all that bind us together. This is deeply personal, but did not make the cut of anecdotes included in the book.
I looked at the diamond, the perfect geometric representation of bounded potential extending into the heavy afternoon air.
"Dad, what is baseball? Is it our national identity painted out in simple chalk lines? Is it our conscience, reminding us of what is ruled and fair? Is a metaphor for life? Or is it the theater of the emotions that says what you and I can never say to each other, the pipeline for all our muted troubles and concerns? Is it a constant reminder of what we've lost in our time, a game played at the pace of a 19th century, an agrarian relic set in a post-industrial wasteland of ironies and lost innocence?"
My father sipped his beer. He then looked at me with slate grey eyes, and he spoke.
"When the fuck does football season start? This shit suuuuuuuuuucks." He then threw his beer can at the fence, and called the umpire a homosexual. We had to leave the game.
We then went home and watched Commando together instead.
This excerpt from the cutting room floor of Will Leitch's new book is sponsored by Football: A Sport Where People Actually Hit Each Other And Do Things That Make Effete Cocktard George Will Shiver In His Frilly Garters.
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why is that book not on the shelves?
Because George Will is an effete cocktard and I want it noted in print for eternity.
"'I wish to hell God would stop trying to make me a better person." - T.J. Lambert
by Signal to Noise on May 4, 2010 12:45 PM EDT reply actions
absolutely amazing
“When the fuck does football season start? This shit suuuuuuuuuucks.”
this sums up my views perfectly, i have never and will never understand the appeal of baseball
He then threw his beer can at the fence, and called the umpire a homosexual. We had to leave the game.
Sweet childhood memories of little league in the American South flood my senses. What a beautiful milieu it was.
"Don't let the bastards get you down." - Nick Faldo to Greg Norman at the conclusion of the 1996 Masters.
-2 for Frenchie words
"I want your money, but I don't want your two cents." - JVP
by ReadingRambler on May 4, 2010 3:58 PM EDT up reply actions
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by ESS EEE SEE Speed on May 4, 2010 1:50 PM EDT reply actions
Amazon's insensitivity strikes again.
Those tags weren’t actually added by customers, they were added by Amazon’s autofilter for books on baseball.
Get rid of the stupid stops of play
I don’t mind baseball if there’s actually baseball going on. If you follow the count and realize that the count makes a huge difference on the success of an at-bat, then it’s a lot easier to watch. What makes the MLB unwatchable is the constant timeouts and mound conferences and pitching changes which seem to take forever.
Hitters shouldn’t be able to call timeouts whenever the hell they want. I don’t care if your jock strap is lose or whatever, you don’t get to slow down the game at your convenience. Mound conferences should be restricted in number and duration, just like timeouts in any other sport. New pitchers, except in the case of injury, should start throwing right away. You had the bullpen to warm up, start throwing the damn ball.
I agree
But I’ll sum up your points into two words: “Clocks Exist!”
by Alabama ManDance on May 4, 2010 2:30 PM EDT up reply actions
I’d rather get taser at a bieber concert.
_________________
I'm Banana dammit!!!
by BurritoBrosShits on May 4, 2010 2:06 PM EDT via mobile reply actions
I knew Justin Bieber was into some S&M shit. But a taser…whoa…
"God dammit, Donald"
by DougoUConnPlaysFootball? on May 4, 2010 2:14 PM EDT up reply actions
My Dad was always a Rambo: First Blood Part 2 man.
But I can see where you’re coming from.
"I want your money, but I don't want your two cents." - JVP
What you gonna do about it? Huh? Huh?!
by Winfield Featherston on May 5, 2010 1:06 PM EDT up reply actions
I always thought Baseball....
Was weird. Boring….and for most of the players who get paid to play, if it wasnt for baseball, they would be making 40k max in the real world, except they make freakin 500k a month…..Kenny Powers IS THE TRUTH!!!!!
Now wiffle ball, ya got something there….I always try to in random conversations about the sport, make an effort to pronounce the word “base-ball” like Darth Vader did in the movie “The Sandlot”.
Baseball and close plays at the plate would be more interesting if the runner could keep the bat the whole time, hell the catcher has protective gear on, it would be kinda like a joust….may the best man win…
If Auburn wants to follow Nick Sabans script, they must go undefeated this year in the SEC...and do it again next year, AND win the BCS....good luck with that.....
by mrpelicanpants on May 11, 2010 12:56 AM EDT reply actions
that'll just be us
don’t know why orson don’t appreciate his own. UF doing very well this year.
Trust me folks, SEC baseball is worth a shot, we do 10 hour tailgates for that too.
Managing Editor/Chief Lackey-And The Valley Shook
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