THE CURIOUS INDEX, 5/27/2010
by Spencer Hall on May 27, 2010 10:51 AM EDT
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PrintFLY ON DAWGZ: Steelemas arrived for us early--because twice a year, we clean Phil's gutters--and in it, a stunning surprise that, in retrospect, shouldn't be that shocking: the Bulldogs listed at number three on Phil's surprise teams of 2010. Fly, you filthy inbred droolers, fly!
Doug and ourselves have discussed making a mock-rapper for the UGA set named "Stroke Dawg" after the UGA cartoon logo where, to be fair, it really does look like UGA has a drooping lip common to stroke victims. He'd spit game with a slur, and tell truthful tales of the difficulty he has negotiating stairs and other difficult daily challenges of strokedom. He'd also remind you that even with half a dick, he could turn your girl out better than she ever knew before.
Uh--yes. Georgia's surprise team status.
As I chronicled earlier, Mark Richt does well when epectations are low and my #3 Surprise Team the Georgia Bulldogs don't even figure to be in the preseason top 20 this year.
It's completely valid, especially with that O-line (the best in the conference) and Richt's usual tight-pantied playcalling benefitting Aaron Murray and his inexperience. The lack of pass rush should still terrify anyone hoping UGA's defense will be less sieve-like this year, though the news that Todd Grantham actually believes in "playing the ball" and not "spacing out defenders in random triangles" bodes well for their chances. In the end, Willie Martinez seems to have been coaching soccer tactics, and if he'd like to replace Bob Bradley he can whenever he's ready.
JARVIS WILLIAMS, CONT'D. Jarvis Williams, Gator great and Miami dolphin safety, appears to have died of an asthma attack, not a heart attack. There's a nice quote by Louis Oliver in there, too.
SO EXCITED THESE GUYS ARE REALLY WORKING AND DOING THINGS. LIKIN' IT. The [NAME REDACTED] Mideast tour diary confirms your suspicions that he is a terse prose stylist, and not a terribly interesting one. This section amused us, though.
There was a submarine that just came in here. How about those guys?
Men, you gotta be like those men in submarines. Gotta be quiet. Gotta work together. We're underwater right now, moving silently under Purdue, who we trail by 17 at the half after four turnovers and three blown coverages in the secondary. Hey! Are you using a cell phone? SUBMARINES DON'T HAVE CELLPHONE RECEPTION!
/eats player's cellphone
/headbutts wall
/is knocked out
/team wins without him
SPEAKING OF: Yeah, he's on a hot seat. (On a submarine named Illinois.)
AHH DEMOGRAPHICS: Ivan Maisel has further depressing demographic info on the midwest and its effects on college football's landscape. We can't even be triumphalist southerners about this: the notion of losing ten percent of everything in your economy is devastating shit in any terms.
A MOMENT OF COMMUNITY OUTREACH: A moment of silence for one of our own: John Glaser, a self-confessed Kansas football and basketball geek, Jayhawk fan, Marine, father of two, Phog.net poster, and Shawnee firefighter who died looking for survivors in a house fire last Saturday in Kansas. There is a memorial fund set up for him if you would like to contribute, with all the info listed on the extremely moving memorial thread set up on Phog.net. Condolences don't cover it, but they're offered anyway.
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"Fly, you filthy inbreds droolers, fly!"
Mercy! That outta get the lines forming at the Lumpkin County Library computer lab! Once word of this insult hits the street – people will be anxious to respond with their well reasoned thoughts!
In all-caps, I assume.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on May 27, 2010 11:14 AM EDT up reply actions
Nah, they only do that in the South Carolina upcountry anymore.
Lumpkin Countians are too busy selling overpriced wine tours to Atlanta yuppies.
And yeah, our defense could only get worse if Todd Grantham were actually, literally stoned during games. And that’s probably still a tossup, because even rainbow unicorns trooping through starlight meadows have fewer coverage breakdowns than a Willie Martinez coached secondary.
Nathan
On a serious note – I knew John loosely (I used to ride weekend training rides with him from time to time – he was an Ironman triathlete on top of everything else), and the world is a lesser place without him. If anyone here can spare even a few dollars to go to his wife and two small children, it would mean a lot.
Before I had a kid, deaths like his made me want to cry.
Now that I have a son, they make me want to throw up.
I can’t even imagine what his kids and wife are going through; worrying about bills should be the last thing on their minds. Donation made.
The artist formerly known as TCOAN
by Lady Commenter on May 27, 2010 12:53 PM EDT up reply actions
Not to get all arp-y on this, but...
…Joe Cox would have benefited from Ko Rick’s “tight-pantied” play-calling, as opposed to Mike Bobo’s repeated efforts to morph him into Matty Stafford.
I’m guessing that Phil believes that a -16 turnover ratio isn’t going to happen again in ’10.
not drunk, just overserved
by Gen. Stoopnagle on May 27, 2010 11:12 AM EDT reply actions
Regression to the mean, baby!
And yes, Bobo calls the plays, but the approach is very much Richt’s. Hike them drawers tight, because here comes a screen.
by Spencer Hall on May 27, 2010 11:16 AM EDT up reply actions
Oh, sure, only looser-cannon-y
…and I beat your D-Bag Dash time by over ten minutes, sucka.
not drunk, just overserved
by Gen. Stoopnagle on May 27, 2010 11:35 AM EDT up reply actions
Third and ten?
Time to run a draw.
And Steele sees the future, but I still get a jinx-ish feeling in my guts. Like this guy.
Note the colors.
________________
STRONG LIKE BOAR
Draw on a Third and Ten?
I believe that’s GT’s offense. Oddly, though, ours go for 30 yards.
by ToStirItRound on May 27, 2010 6:25 PM EDT up reply actions
A Catholic Steelemas hymn:
Phil Steele’s book returns today, Alleluia!
our triumphant holy day, Alleluia!
Pages full of stats and charts, Alleluia!
Yardage per returning starts. Alleluia!
Brian Kelly says no Corby's on Tuesday night.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on May 27, 2010 11:14 AM EDT reply actions
Martinez for Bradley
I would support this move. Onyewu? Really? He could barely handle those Czechs!
Bammero delenda est
He would have been if it wasn’t for that hamstring injury on April 1st. Nice April Fool’s joke COTG…
Bammero delenda est
by Oscar Whiskey on May 27, 2010 11:38 AM EDT up reply actions
I came to read the Curious Index
and a Big Soccer fight broke out.
Don’t think most SEC defenses wouldn’t love to have Gooch at safety. That’s frightening.
Can you hear this, Denver, or shall I turn it up for you?
Some gems from "eric washburn":
-and i know for a fact im not racist
Only seconds later:
-i agree 100% on the subject of african americans being more athletic
Brian Kelly says no Corby's on Tuesday night.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on May 27, 2010 11:35 AM EDT up reply actions
check out the comments from any article from
www.al.com/auburnfootball
They got it all. I haven’t been there in weeks, can’t stand it. I hear it’s almost as bad at /alabamafootball but I don’t lurk there.
We are THE tigersthatsaywareagle
"Why do I open comments on an ESPN article?"
Maybe because you either:
A. Genuinely believe in the goodness and intelligence of your fellow man OR
B. Have a latent mascohistic streak you’d rather not talk about.
I’m an A type myself, so I’d rather believe that of others.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on May 27, 2010 12:34 PM EDT up reply actions
And BTW...I love that picture of the bulldog.
As the owner of a bulldog myself I have become ridiculously fond of that jutting underbite and exposed lower canines look. I only wish I could bring my dog to work. He would entertain everyone all day long.
Seems appropriate
for a Gator fan to own a Bulldog. I’m guessing he’s generally docile, but acts out once every six or seven years or so.
by GwinnettGamecock on May 27, 2010 11:47 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Based on the coat colors of the bulldog,...
wouldn’t it be of the Mississippi State variety? Our Dawgs have no miscegenation in their heritage.
Just repeated in-breeding
Here we are with a top vet school and we let an octogenarian lawyer pick our mascots. What’s wrong with this picture?
not drunk, just overserved
by Gen. Stoopnagle on May 27, 2010 11:37 AM EDT up reply actions
Tradition?
I thought I read in “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil” that the octo-lawya’s family has been supplying UGAs for generations. Of course, my brain could be acting all swiss-cheese on me, as it often does on Thursdays (remnants of Humpday’s celebratory drankin’).
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on May 27, 2010 12:28 PM EDT up reply actions
The swiss cheese effect...
is one of the strange side effects of the Quantum accelerator. Hopefully your next leap will be the leap home.
/80s nerd
by Big Jon on May 27, 2010 12:54 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Oh, boy...
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
/60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, 00s nerd
Been one all my life.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on May 27, 2010 1:55 PM EDT up reply actions
Depends on who is the "generations"...
if you are referring to the dogs, then yes. As for the family, well the lawya was in his mid 20s in 1956, when Uga began gracing the sidelines, so “generations” hasn’t really gone past him, outside of his parents or kids helping hold the leash.
Swiss-cheese it is
I must have confused the ‘generations’ of the Ugas with the family. But, still, TRADITION for over 50 years now.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on May 27, 2010 2:07 PM EDT up reply actions
Yep, it's a tradition
And it’s nice and all.
But it doesn’t lead to particularly healthy dogs.
not drunk, just overserved
by Gen. Stoopnagle on May 27, 2010 2:46 PM EDT up reply actions
He was 22.
… and still getting his lawya training in Athens. The dog was a gift to his bride from Columbus, GA, friends.
The TSA would like a word
with that suspiciously brown dog.
by ESS EEE SEE Speed on May 27, 2010 11:46 AM EDT reply actions 2 recs
I don't get it
What’s the sad part of the Rust Belt link?
People vote with their feet. If voters learn their lessons, they might not make the same mistakes in other states.
by GwinnettGamecock on May 27, 2010 11:53 AM EDT reply actions
the sad part is that those goddamn midwesterners are invading the south
good for football, maybe. But it also means a faster eradication of our wonderful culture by packs of jackasses.
Where simple gestures of holding the door for someone and saying “yes,” “please,” and “thank you” will be a thing of the past. Oh Lawd help us!
Bammero delenda est
by Oscar Whiskey on May 27, 2010 1:40 PM EDT up reply actions
That's the difference...
Southerners are simply polite. Midwest folks, while they don’t say ‘sir’ or ‘mam’, are genuinely nice.
Is that why they give you such a strange look when you hold the door open for them?
We are THE tigersthatsaywareagle
I think you're on to something
There is indeed a strange phenomenon of polite assholes in the South that I’ve never seen elsewhere. That said, it’s still a generalization…most Southerners I know are being both nice and polite simultaneously when they follow etiquette.
Insert DWM here.
The Great American Douchebag is common to all U.S. regions and comes in many colors, dialects and creeds.
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
Don't stop there
The characteristics associated with Great American Douchebags are present in every culture in the world. I’m not making the claim that the South is free of d-bags or that the North is composed entirely of them.
But that doesn’t mean the frequency (d-bags per capita rate) is identical.
I would argue that it is identical just about everywhere.
But it’s a theological argument when I do it. Suffice it to say that the omnipresence of Douchebags is a core tenet of Lutheran theology. Especially Lutheran douchebags.
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
Please help me with this one.
I know that this is an SEC dominated commentariat, so I’m sure there are plenty of people that will be willing to contribute to my increased enlightenment on American regional cultural differences.
I went to school at the University of Iowa and lived in Iowa City for ten years after graduation. Even as it has the cultural benefits of a major state institution, it’s still mostly a rural area where people are genuinely nice. Most people hold doors and smile and say “please” and “thank you”. The Iowa State Fair features a virtually endless variety of things dipped in large cauldrons of hot oil and various sculptures made out of butter. We even have some damn good rye whiskey made in Templeton, Iowa.
I consider Iowa to be pretty much definitively midwest. Culturally speaking, what is this difference between this and “the south”?
by Abbas_Cincinnatus on May 27, 2010 2:35 PM EDT up reply actions
You're allowed to have booze. And dancing.
I'm afraid I have no choice but to sell you all for scientific experiments.
by boddagettaflyer on May 27, 2010 2:40 PM EDT up reply actions
And are tolerable of Catholics.
Bammero delenda est
by Oscar Whiskey on May 27, 2010 3:00 PM EDT up reply actions
I see what you did there.
+1
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
kinda jumbled up where only two incisors should be
and you can tell they had corn for lunch
We are THE tigersthatsaywareagle
It's a legitimate question
If you put ask the average person what cultural differences distinguish the North from the South, he’ll probably (wrongly) give you a list of things that more reflect an urban/rural (or,a s we say down here, country/city) distinction than a Northern/Southern one. That list would give you absurd results, like Atlanta being less Southern than your small town Iowa example.
First major point of distinction- obsession with Civil War. We have much more of it.
As Woody Hayes once said...
There’s nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.
Might makes right indeed
It’s a good thing northerners are correct when they feel Southerners need some soul-cleansing.
Now I'm understanding why he's your patron saint
Ohio State fans must have some of the cleanest souls around.
PS- I don’t care about your conference record or any games not involving the SEC. I’m not trying to limit the debate to undercut your reply, I’m simply informing you that I literally have no interest in those other games.
by GwinnettGamecock on May 27, 2010 11:15 PM EDT up reply actions
I understand...
especially considering that the Other SC’s only claim to fame is the two wins over OSU.
Your sorry program has to have something to hang your conferedate flag hats on.
We only brag about that to Michigan fans
Beating Ohio State doesn’t get you too much credit in these parts.
You are right about how sorry our program is. In fact, our entire state is pretty much sorry. I can’t imagine why anyone would ever want to move here. You should tell all your friends. No, please – tell all your friends.
by GwinnettGamecock on May 28, 2010 10:55 AM EDT up reply actions 3 recs
I would add
In fact, I will add that there really are a lot of cultural similarities between rural midwest and rural South. We heah have a history of greater racial diversity, however, and all the music, food, cruelty, horror, and guilt that such diversity brings. Furthermore, pockets hither and yon notwithstanding, those of us who have European stock are almost exclusively of the British Isles variety. The midwest has a much more generous helping of Scandinavian and Teutonic types.
I'm not dyslexic or anything,
but my first reading of the [COACH REDACTED] piece was entered into the brain-computer as
…we trail by 17 at the half after four turnovers and three clown beverages.
that would explain much, yes?
Yes,
sounds like we should all leave our desks and go have clown beverage now. And I’m assuming a clown beverage is multi-colored, too sweet, and burns like hell going down. I’m all in.
We are THE tigersthatsaywareagle
Clown Beverage?
Sweet, multicolored and burns going down?
Tequila Sunrise, doble (or triple if you’re really jaded)
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on May 27, 2010 2:09 PM EDT up reply actions
Off subject...
But +1 to you Orson for removing sales pitch comment from yesterday (unless I missed it and it is still there, in which case this post is makes as much sense as Lost).
Yeaaaaa responsible censorship, how does it feel to be The Man?
Losing 10% of your people isn't depressing...
… it’s decimating.
/Dead language humor
/Try the vitellus
by Albino Tornado on May 27, 2010 4:01 PM EDT reply actions 7 recs
A correct usage of "decimated" sighting!
What a rare bird that is these days. Fuck popular usage ~ George Carlin
I do tire of TV scenes showing a whole community blown into splinters and Wendy the Weather-Blonde saying, “The town was decimated, Bob.”
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on May 27, 2010 4:07 PM EDT up reply actions
But, "Romans, go home" is an order. So you must use...?
Aaagh ! The imperative !
Brian Kelly says no Corby's on Tuesday night.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on May 27, 2010 7:40 PM EDT up reply actions
That's why I like you, ACS
You always look on the bright side of life.
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
Hic, haec, hoc...
So Caesar walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a martini. When the bartender returns with one, Caesar gets pissed and said “If I wanted just one, I would have asked for a martinus!”
by Cantabrigian_UGA_Fan on May 27, 2010 9:14 PM EDT up reply actions
The ascii art is okay,
But what I really love is when they tell me the titles of sports articles I haven’t read.
by ToStirItRound on May 31, 2010 12:34 AM EDT up reply actions
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