THE CURIOUS INDEX, 5/26/2010
by Spencer Hall on May 26, 2010 10:02 AM EDT
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PrintIN THE EDSBS FANTASY LEAGUE, WE CALL DIBS ON QB NAME "DAY-RUN SOUTHBOY." College football is an underexploited dramatic tableau. Outside of the unintentional comedy of The Program, the melodrama of Everybody's All-American, and the underrated eroticism of Necessary Roughness, our fair sport has appeared on the big screen as a narrative backdrop rarely and rarely in a significant manner.
We write this excepting the one film capturing the drama of a young, talented star feeling the pressures of impending fame. The character is "Day-Run Southboy." The film is the immortal Black Spring Break.
Music by DJ Spankx. THE DJ SPANKX.
WHERE THERE IS CORRUPTION, THERE IS A TENTACLE HOLDING LSU TICKETS. Do not be shocked that among MMS inspectors' numerous foibles and possible derelictions of duty, therehappens to be a trip to the 2005 Peach Bowl lumped in there. Of all the things we could ever feel guilty about as a hypothetical corrupt official, a trip to a football game would be the one thing we would never, ever apologize for no matter how much public money was involved. I WENT AND IT WAS GLORIOUS AND YOU NEED ME ON THAT WALL AND THAT WALL IS MUCH MORE TOLERABLE WHEN I'M SITTING ON SWAG FROM A BOWL GAME, YOU BASTARDS.
DESCRIBE YOURSELF, YOUNG MAN. Just another guy who only allows myself to be photographed through tires, sir.
AU REVOIR, TUSKS. Nike looks like they're doing away with the little tusk-stripes on the Razorbacks' uniforms, probably a harbinger that the bear-claw marks on Cal's unis and other witty little cartoon nods are out for this year's round of uniform redos. They are giving Arkansas a black facemask, which kind of backfires and makes them look a little SWAC-ish instead of "GRR INTIMIDATING BLACK FACEMASK." Note: new uniform does not come with secondary or ability to defend the pass.
TONGUE IS NOT IN CHEEK WE WERE SERIOUS. A Tennessee historian confronts a level of naked honesty he's never seen before.
OLD CHEESE, BRAH. Some of us were pointing out universities' propensity for showing their high numbers of lab-captive young Asian chemists years ago, though this does lay out the territory well enough. The lack of mention of the "Go cure cancer" ad is troubling, however, since it's our favorite running gag in Gatordom, especially when an alumus we know is arrested for insider trading or moves back in with their parents after rehab. GO RUIN YOUR CREDIT RATING AND DEFAULT ON YOUR STUDENT LOANS.
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Sure we have a bad defense
But pretty much the entire bad defense is back. They’ve surely gotten slightly less bad. Right? There’s a natural progression and what not. I’m positive.
Fuck. At least we can pass the ball now.
"But pretty much the entire bad defense is back. They’ve surely gotten slightly less bad. Right?"
That’s marvelous.
You have a bright future in corporate finance, my friend. 1+1-1=30,000.
Brian Kelly says no Corby's on Tuesday night.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on May 26, 2010 10:17 AM EDT up reply actions
That's the battle cry in East Lansing this year too.....
…….although our offense may not be quite to the level of Mallett’s Flying Circus
Asians
Former Auburn football player Frank Sanders said “Chinamen” on the radio in Birmingham this morning. So yea…
I was in Daytona for spring break this year
I had never seen a real, actual, live guido. Then I got down there and saw herds of them. After After I haled one as “Jersey Shore,” he explained to me how those guys aren’t the real Jersey, and he keeps it old school. Apparently even guidos have a caste system.
Also, those who say Florida (or at least that part of it) is part of the South have some ‘splainin to do. It’s like the state permits another round of Shermaning every March. Sure, there’s been no actual burning of shit to the ground, but amid all that liquor and hair gel it’s going to happen soon.
When I was a kid, we had a Guido family move in next door.
Bear in mind, this was suburban Atlanta. My friend circle was limited to WASPs, Jews and Asians. I had never seen anything like the Guidos before—it was like the real-life Sopranos. To this day, I think they were in the witness protection program.
I'm afraid I have no choice but to sell you all for scientific experiments.
by boddagettaflyer on May 26, 2010 10:33 AM EDT up reply actions
I'm not from Florida and have never lived there
but I’ve spent a lot of time freshwater fishing the lakes and rivers. When you get away from the beaches and cities you see the true Florida. It’s a different “South” but truly southern, even if many of the residents may not have been born there.
We are THE tigersthatsaywareagle
While searching for the tongue in cheek....
perhaps the Tennessee Historian can look up what ‘post script’ means.
by ESS EEE SEE Speed on May 26, 2010 10:32 AM EDT reply actions
Better watch out Orson
Some chick posting on the Tennessee Historian article wants to have sex with you.
He dispatches TCOAN
around the internet to validate that there is actually a female who will have sex with him.
by ESS EEE SEE Speed on May 26, 2010 10:45 AM EDT up reply actions
What makes you think I can get a woman to DO anything?
by Spencer Hall on May 26, 2010 10:49 AM EDT up reply actions
I HAVE PROOF
The artist formerly known as TCOAN
by Lady Commenter on May 26, 2010 10:50 AM EDT up reply actions
Yes, and like politicians
he should be changed often, and for the same reason.
by ESS EEE SEE Speed on May 26, 2010 10:58 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
I think my OB would be very surprised to hear that
The artist formerly known as TCOAN
by Lady Commenter on May 26, 2010 11:01 AM EDT up reply actions
Sorry
Just thought it would clear up some of the confusion if you were in fact a man.
by buildmearobot on May 26, 2010 11:18 AM EDT up reply actions
Uh oh...
looks like it’s gonna be a strange day on these here thread posts internets
We are THE tigersthatsaywareagle
Eh, no worries
I forget that the Swindle family saga is not as universally compelling as it is to me
The artist formerly known as TCOAN
by Lady Commenter on May 26, 2010 11:30 AM EDT up reply actions
Vol Historian
I saw his rant earlier and hoped it would escape the gaze of Sauron’s eye go unnoticed by the best and booziest. The historian is like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino. The whole neighborhood has changed around him and he’s unsure how to deal with it. And he probably says racist shit and doesn’t realize or care.
If you win all your fights, you're pickin em
Florida geography
Northwest Florida (panhandle) = “LA” or “Lower Alabama” aka the “Redneck Riviera”
Tampa-Orlando-Daytona = “The Tacky Zone” where the old South meets the displaced Northerners in a wild Kaleidoscope of tourist kitsch.
South Florida – Gulf coast, and North Florida Atlantic Coast = “Old Florida”
South Florida – Atlantic Coast = New York, New Jersey, and Canada South (with Cuba, Haiti, and most of the Caribbean thrown in).
Key West = LaLa land.
Sullivan013
Where does Ybor fit into this?
I am not a huge fan of Tampa, but Ybor city is pretty cool. Not really the tacky zone- more old Cuban to me.
University ads
I’m amazed that no one has noticed that the Slate article making the rounds today is from December 2005.
by OrangeBritches on May 26, 2010 11:07 AM EDT reply actions
I Noticed
But then felt relieved because it meant that our Charles Kuralt remix video wouldn’t be mentioned.
The original was so much better.
http://inthebleachers.net
by InTheBleachers on May 26, 2010 11:21 AM EDT via mobile up reply actions
Doesn't make it any less true, however.
And you’ll notice that Sir Swindle noted the age of said cheese when posting it.
I think we actually cloned our Asians IN the labs at Nebraska – just like we cloned Tommie Frazier by combining DNA from Turner Gill and Secretariat. And you all thought he grew up in Bradenton…
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
The best part of the Slate article
was at the bottom where they suiggested other Slate articles I might like.
Those included;
Sarah Palin, Loser Sex Goddess,
Why Your Grandmother Loves Bret Michaels, and
Boycott the BCS!: A statistical analyst takes a stand against college football’s perverse, irrational Bowl Championship Series.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on May 26, 2010 1:04 PM EDT up reply actions
2 outta 3
Both my grandmothers died long before Bret Michaels wqas even born.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on May 26, 2010 4:46 PM EDT up reply actions
Can't believe you forgot
Johnny Be Good. It’s got the the feature film debut of Uma Thurman and a theme song by Judas Priest. You cannot beat this.
I never thought I would see a Black Spring Break reference again
My friend and I rented it as impressionable 14 year olds, thinking Unkle Luke might make a cameo, or at least we might see a boob.
Still probably the greatest movie ever made, almost 15 years later.
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