FULMER CUPDATE: OREGON STATE WILL TOTALLY GET YOU GOLDSLICK VODKA
by Spencer Hall on May 25, 2010 2:43 PM EDT
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Underage drinking is no laughing matter. It's something we took very seriously, embarking on a journey of alcoholic discovery lasting well into our early legal drinking period, and some would say into our thirties. Never stop exploring, champions: it's the only way you find new territories like "PublicIndecencyArrestLand" or "The Island of Lost Credit Cards I Lost at the Bar."
Oregon State's John Braun is an Junior Alcohol Explorer sadly sidelined by those who fail to understand the thrill of discovering virgin territory. Cited for his efforts back in April, Braun's misdemeanor underage alcohol possession charge does earn Oregon State one additional point in the Fulmer Cup, but you don't plant a flag in GutterNapsylvania without paying some kind of price along the way. (Ask Magellan or James Cook: explorin' ain't easy.)
Kansas has way, way more coming in the way of points since now-former defensive tackle Jamal Greene decided to do some urban exploring himself by getting a friend, a gun, and seeing what was in an apartment in Lawrence, Kansas. Unfortunately that apartment was full of people, who had to lie on the groundwhile Green and his friend allegedly peered into the dangerous and exotic land of HomeInvasionia. full-on home invasion with felony charges has to be a four point offense in the Fulmer Cup, since you know, those half-assed home invasions where one guy says, "Hey, let's just hang and order some wings" are three pointers at best.
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Ask Tennessee: they don't do home invasions like they used to
you don’t plant a flag in GutterNapsylvania without paying some kind of price along the way
Truer words were never blogged.
Don’t often seem them Southern states in blue no do ya?
Actually
Perdue was the first Republican Governor of Georgia since Reconstruction. So, Blue from 1872-2002- granted that Southern Democratic shade of blue.
"It’s not Disneyland, people. Get the hell out of the way." NYC Firefighter
by jokastrength on May 26, 2010 9:36 AM EDT up reply actions
Meh
I believe most Southern states still have a majority of registered Democrats stemming back from the pre-Civil Rights Act days. It’s also not that uncommon to have a Democrat mayor in a very conservative state—other than our last governor, Kentucky has almost exclusively had Democrat governors and Republican senators for 40ish years now.
From the Ministry of Things That Only I Find Interesting:
In many other countries, blue usually denotes conservative parties on electoral maps, while red is used for liberal parties (that’s “dayum librulz” for you Southerners).
/pushes taped glasses up
Brian Kelly says no Corby's on Tuesday night.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on May 25, 2010 2:55 PM EDT up reply actions
It was never consistent here until 2000
Different networks would use different colors. Some would alternate from election to election. Now it is set in stone.
I fully admit I was an underage teetotaller,
But coming from the South, there is no way that we have the lowest percentages of underage drinkers. (Unless I’m completely misinterpreting this graph, but judging from everyone else’s comments I’m guessing this is percentage of underage drinkers). Clearly the pollsters did not step foot in noted dry towns Oxford, Athens, or Columbia.
I also find it funny that Louisiana is a relative island of drankin’, and that New England stands out like a sore thumb (Must be those Dartmouth frat bros in NH).
by Cantabrigian_UGA_Fan on May 25, 2010 4:52 PM EDT up reply actions
Or you could trust Spencer
and just believe that the kids a’drankin’ in the South lie about it more than kids elsewhere.
Living near the beach, I can assure you that there are plenty of underage kids trying to get into drinking establishments around here. Most are turned away, but some get through.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on May 25, 2010 5:05 PM EDT up reply actions
Watch it there, killah. Us New England types drink wicked hahd.
"God dammit, Donald"
by DougoUConnPlaysFootball? on May 25, 2010 6:19 PM EDT up reply actions
I know that, brah
How long we been kicking your football asses in BE play?
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on May 25, 2010 7:19 PM EDT up reply actions
Whatever it takes to survive the frozen tundra winters, I suppose
That said I don’t dispute your assertion, considering things like the ubiquitous UNH Beirut shirts, Keggy the Keg as a college mascot, and other examples of degenerate drankin’ness.
by Cantabrigian_UGA_Fan on May 25, 2010 9:04 PM EDT up reply actions
You reference "degenrate dranking'ness" in regards to UConn?
Apparently, you’ve never experienced the joys of Morgantown, WV.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on May 25, 2010 9:06 PM EDT up reply actions
Our drinking is merriment.
Your drinking is art.
I know when I’m bested. You, sir, got me twice in one thread. I’ll be waiting for you over at Blogging the Bracket.
Oh, what’s that? Virginia Tech? NIT? Oh fuck.
"God dammit, Donald"
by DougoUConnPlaysFootball? on May 25, 2010 9:13 PM EDT up reply actions
A worthy adversary is always a joy
and you, sir, are just that. I hope your football team wins all their games this next year except one. It will make our SoS look good.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on May 25, 2010 9:27 PM EDT up reply actions
More importantly
Did Jamal Greene break Coach Gill’s no cussing rule during his visit to HomeInvasionia?
Oddly enough, he didn't.
However, Coach Gill did break that rule when the news broke…
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
In Wisconsin
An adult can serve a beverage to their minor child in a restaurant. Want son to learn to drink beer properly? Order two and hand one to him. The server cant give it to him, but you legally can.
Im going to Great Taste of the Midwest in Madison in August (google it. Spencer should be there too, it not be covered by EDSBS would be wrong). They specifically cover buying drinking passes for your underage children. You have to hand your childs glass to the server at each booth and then hand it to the child.
God Bless the Badger State
Back when I was growing up, you only needed parental consent to drink underage. The way the law was written you needed only be in the same building as your parents, or for the outdoor activities within 100 feet (or it may have been yards). This was easily circumvented by finding some barfly, buying him a round or two in exchange for him posing as your dad. Now the law requires “direct parental supervision” which is usually interpreted as “line of sight”
Of course I grew up in a small town in western Wisconsin along the Mississippi, so we had the best of both Wisconsin’s “Yay Booze!” laws and all that comes with being in Riverboat territory. In fact we would probably still have 18 as the legal drinking age if the federal government wouldn’t have threatened to pull Highway funding as a means to stop the flood of people from MN, IA, and IL from getting loaded in Wisky and then driving home.
Ditto GA
They were 18 until forced to change by the FEDS (damn you Elizabeth Dole). It changed to 21 about 2-3 years before I started college. The bars were still slack about it in 1987 but the state was starting to crack down on them so they got significantly more serious over the next few years.
In the two years since moving to WI
…I think I’ve only been carded maybe half a dozen times. Last summer a cop ON DUTY offered my underage cousin a beer for the road en route to Summerfest.
So Sayth King Zach I
by kingofzachland on May 26, 2010 8:05 PM EDT up reply actions
y'all some teetotalers in the south
i would love to see a graph of underage drinking in the south by religion. they would use it to teach “bi-modal” in intro statistics class.
of course
if baptists were off to one side, it would not be bi-modal. oh well.
I was (mostly) an underage teetoaler
Will, until 18. And even in college I didnt drink much, but I had no respect for that law, so violated whenever I felt like. At age 40, I drink more in a week than I did most years back then. Well, maybe 2 weeks.
Im also the president of the Southern Baptist Homebrewers Association. We dont have meetings (duh) or rules or a website* or any kind of actual organization, so if you want to be president too, feel free.
*Ive considered starting the website
i am not a southern baptist but i do brew my own beer, poorly. southern california gets awfully hard and chemically over its 400 mile journey from northern california
edit edit edit
water, water, water gets hard.
preview preview preview.
In order to be truly Southern Baptist,
we have to vote on everything, which means we gotta have a meeting every now and then. Don’t forget to take attendance.
I'm afraid I have no choice but to sell you all for scientific experiments.
by boddagettaflyer on May 25, 2010 4:13 PM EDT up reply actions
There are three truths in life:
Jewish people do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store.
Q: Why don’t Baptists fish together?
A: They would have to share the beer.
I'm afraid I have no choice but to sell you all for scientific experiments.
by boddagettaflyer on May 25, 2010 3:56 PM EDT up reply actions
I prefer
Why should you never invite 2 baptists fishing?
They will bitch about you drinking beer.
Why should you never invite 1 baptist fishing?
They will drink all your beer.
Ah, that's it. I was typing from memory.
As penance:
Q: What’s the difference between Catholics and Baptists?
A: Catholics drink in the front yard, while Baptists drink in the back yard.
I'm afraid I have no choice but to sell you all for scientific experiments.
by boddagettaflyer on May 25, 2010 3:59 PM EDT up reply actions
Also messianic jews blow the 1st bit
but thats just nitpicking
ooh me too
Q: Why are Baptists against drinking?
A: It may lead to dancing.
If you win all your fights, you're pickin em
by imhugeinjapan on May 25, 2010 4:33 PM EDT up reply actions
Q: Why don't Baptists have sex standing up?
A: It might look like they were dancing.
by gosouthgohard on May 25, 2010 5:14 PM EDT up reply actions
Indiana would be an interesting case.
Mostly blue, with one very dark red blob in the north.
State blue laws = tyranny of the majority.
Brian Kelly says no Corby's on Tuesday night.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on May 25, 2010 4:05 PM EDT up reply actions
Indiana
is such an interesting place. seriously.
the weird timezones, the blue laws yet lower liquor taxes than neighboring states, the juxtaposition of a state containing both Gary and Shipshewana, the mediocrity of Indy, the bizarre rural poverty of the south of the state, notre dame pretending that we live in a norman rockwell painting.
Unfortunately, South Bend Time is no longer with us.
Up until April 2005, South Bend didn’t observe Daylight Savings Time, so we spent half the year in the Central Time Zone and half in the Eastern Time Zone. The first summer we switched to DST, my townie neighbor came out to the yard and observed, “This Daylight Savings is crazy! It’s light out til 10 PM!”
Indiana is a strange place.
Brian Kelly says no Corby's on Tuesday night.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on May 25, 2010 8:25 PM EDT up reply actions
No arguments there, brother.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on May 25, 2010 9:04 PM EDT up reply actions
If only they were stealing golf carts he could hang out with Lyle Moevao
by collegefootballcrazies.com on May 25, 2010 5:13 PM EDT reply actions
Aren't you forgetting
a parenthetical Pooh-Bear and the veryest lower prices?
Brian Kelly says no Corby's on Tuesday night.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on May 25, 2010 5:24 PM EDT up reply actions 3 recs
Clearly the only way people can cope with having to live in such a horrible place as the northern states is to resort to drinking heavily.
Resorting to rudeness is another common remedy
Apparently when you’re suffering, it makes you feel better to make everyone else around you feel worse. See: the Northeast, certain places in the Midwest.
Boredom, yes... Rudeness, No
Unless of course you are referring to Chicago… in which case, carry on.
It’s been my experience having grown up in Wisconsin, gone to school in Indiana, and having lived for a good stretch of time in both Carolinas, small towns are the same everywhere. The locals are very standoffish at first, then when common ground is reached, arms are opened.
For example, you get through a winter in Wisconsin, and you are considered one of ours. This rite of passage in North Carolina for me was sharing a quart of peach moonshine with a mountain of a man named Little Ray. The fact that I was able to stand after finishing the quart and eating the peaches apparently proved my mettle.
Never did gain acceptance in SC. That place is truly a different land.
Acceptance in SC
I know what you mean. I’ve been married to a Carolina girl for 17 years and yet some people in Charleston still consider me a ‘come-hyah’. Apparently, to rate as a ‘been-hyah’ your great-great-great-grandpappy had to have been born here.
Let me qualify that doesn’t include everybody in SC. Descendants of carpet-baggers and are quite willing to accept you as a Sakerlinian after only a dozen or so years.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on May 26, 2010 7:50 AM EDT up reply actions
Only a dozen
Gave up too soon!
My hometown is about 1000 people on THE river, so I thought I spoke Country pretty well, boy was I wrong. I think the only time I fully understood what was being said to me was when it involved some variation of “Hey Yankee! Y’all talk kinda funny to be in hyah”
Chicago's rudeness is just a symptom of the underlying laziness and obesity.
After a long day sitting on one’s ass soaking up tax dollars like a fat blue sponge, surely no one could have the energy to muster up a “can I help you?” instead of a sullen stare and drool.
/shakes fist at CTA workers who are to blame for everything
Brian Kelly says no Corby's on Tuesday night.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on May 26, 2010 10:03 AM EDT up reply actions
Hey! We resemble that remark
I’m a fellow domer, so I often agree with you, but I have to argue this point.
I’m from Wisconsin. We are overwhelmingly fat, lazy, and blue (assuming you mean democrat) and we are not rude!
The CTA is, I am convinced, an instrument of pure, unadulterated evil, designed to drive even the most righteous of people to babbling madness
Wisconsin blue is a lot like southern blue
Not in Madison (where I spent two winters) of course, the PRM is named that for a reason. But, the rural areas seem a lot like rural KY or GA (only with a more annoying accent). I remember some sort of county wide gun vote while I was there, the city of Madison voted for the ban (no clue on details, this was 92 or 94) the surrounding Dane county folk overwhelmingly defeated it.
Wisconsin
Wisconsin is a strange place. We are often assumed to be a red state because we fit the mold of say Nebraska and Kansas, in that we very sparsely populated and agriculture based. But we almost always vote democrat in National elections. We are always among the top nationally in test scores. So politically we are the “liburl” intellectual. But practically, we are gun toting rednecks, so we usually vote Republican in local elections, which leads to the lax gun and alcohol laws. We count as our own, the #3 Public University in the land for undergrads (Behind UVA and UC Berkeley and usually jockeying for position with Michigan) and Harley Davidson. Our largest political lobbies are the Teachers Union and Tavern League. Most of us can moves smoothly through a riled up “Tea Party” crowd, through a rowdy biker bar, and close the night at a hippie drum circle and find common ground with all three. I have yet to find a place where a similar atmosphere exists.
As a grad student, I wasnt overly impressed with the undergrad
at Wisconsin, from just observing it.
But, as I went to an engineering school undergrad, I have a weird perspective on these things. GT was also still on quarters when I was there, so that creates a different (much more intense) atmosphere too.
Really?
I’ve never been remotely close to Wisconsin, but I’ve heard tales of epic ragers thrown there.
Assuming, of course, that parties were what you were referring to when you said you weren’t impressed. Cause, bro, what else is there worth rating about college?
*beep beep beep* We are standing momentarily waiting for signal clearance.
We expect to be moving eventually.
By “blue”, I meant the lovely skin-tight blue shirts the squishy demigods of transport wear. But you could certainly infer Democrat, because I’m not aware of any other political party in this city.
/votes for Daley anyway
Brian Kelly says no Corby's on Tuesday night.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on May 26, 2010 10:29 AM EDT up reply actions
Please exit the train, we're experiences technical difficulties...
Another train will be along shortly to take you to your destination.
/takes 10 minutes to get everyone off the EL
Ladies and Gentlemen the problem has been corrected. Please re-board the train.
/Repeat until all hope is lost
They let you even think of voting against a Daley?
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