SPORTS MEME RANKINGS: YOUR REMINDER THAT EVERYWHERE SUCKS
by Spencer Hall on May 20, 2010 4:20 PM EDT
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PrintSports Meme Rankings are up at SB Nation, and they mention an important point: your town (college town included) sucks, and you take it too seriously. All of them. We don't care where you're from, be it Paris, New York, Brazzaville, Christchurch, Topeka, Atlanta, Pago Pago, Alberta...it sucks. All of them, in some way or another, suck because they are material places providing unnecessary obstacles like transit, red lights, long walks, parking, taxes, other people, and "rules" standing between you and happiness. The closer we get to the conveyor belt world of Wall-E the better, especially those floating touchscreens, because they look tight, yo.
Take a few of the SEC's host of miserable environs, for example:
Starkville: Named "Starkville," and accepted personal checks at Burger King as recently as 1997. You can throw a beer can out of the city limits. When it lands, that beer can will be eaten by a malevolent goat. Do not fetch: you will be attacked by that goat and its friend Roscoe, who just got back from a manslaughter bid at Parchman Farm.
Auburn: Ruled entirely by aggressive herds of ornery squirrels. They hold seven seats on the city council and rape and kill with impunity. Turn the wrong way off the interstate and you step into a Walker Evans photo. Only movie theater in town has three screens, and all of them show Walkin' Tall five times a day. This might sound good, but it's the remake with "The Rock," and locals are told it is a factually accurate documentary.
Knoxville: Like Gatlinburg without the joy of airbrush or funnel cakes. Only highlight of a visit to the town is getting mugged by Pat Summit and then apologizing to her, because it was your fault that you had all that money in your pocket. Perpetually cloudy. Thankfully located near a major source of nuclear waste capable of irradiating the area at any moment.
Tuscaloosa: Home of the Bear Bryant Museum, a luxurious facility founded in 1820 to "glorify the reputation of one Paul Bryant, who will bring unity to this great land, dignify its boll weevil-ridden wastes with victory, and create crippling masculinity deficiencies in all who behold his as-yet-unborn visage." As a courtesy to the community, the museum and its football team opened up a small community college in 1985 adjacent to the school.
Gainesville: Wow! We can go this chain restaurant, then that one, and then pass out in a parking lot after our car gets towed! WHAT A TOWN! If you don't like the way something looks, just wait: it will be bulldozed in three days per city zoning laws. Has only eight homeless guys, but each is scarier than any other homeless person you've ever met in your life. A friend of ours was once sighted up by a dude with a laser sight and a gun in a car on Depot Avenue. He rolled down the window, smiled, and said "AW MAN I'M JUST FUCKING WITH YOU." Fantastic place.
Those are just a few examples, but seriously, civic pride is annoying as hell, especially when your awesome neighbors will be the first to siphon the gas out of your tank in event of the coming Road Warrior wasteland. When you're strapped to the front of the lead marauder's nitro truck, sad boy, you'll see how far your Kiwanis club cred goes.* The place you're from sucks, and is not to be used in arguments about which place is better, because they're mostly the same. Never forget this, because it's true everywhere.**
*The circus peanuts makes it festive.
**Unless you're from Thailand. Thailand's cool OH DAMMIT--
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Tuscaloosa
I’m sure there’s a “WOOOOO NATIONAL CHAPMIONSHIP” Joke in there somewhere, but I just can’t quite place it…
by The Commenter Formerly Known as Not You on May 20, 2010 4:35 PM EDT reply actions
No sample of shitty SEC towns is complete without Columbia
Williams-Brice is in the middle of an industrial wasteland and kind of blows, no matter how happy Maurice’s Barbeque makes you.
You have to admit that they are fucking amazing.
But they are easy to pickout when they are busting a party. Not hard to find the undercover officer chick with the dyke haircut, flannel shirt, cargo pants, and “hidden” bulletproof vest.
I thought the flannel was just a UNC ALE thing
They do that everywhere? Seriously do they realize we don’t live in Big Ten country? No one where flannel, especially not to parties or bars down here.
http://inthebleachers.net
by InTheBleachers on May 21, 2010 10:42 PM EDT up reply actions
Dirty as hell
You can feel how dirty it is just driving into town.
If you see J.T. Bowtie, tell him to find me in the grove... if he can get in.
by Jevan Snead's Agent on May 20, 2010 6:35 PM EDT up reply actions
Jealous...
And any good South Carolinian will tell you that Maurice’s is shitty, overpriced, and laughable. People only like the sauce…
Word
The other two brothers got all of Daddy Bessinger’s BBQ-making skill. Maurice just has a talent for self-promotion. I consider myself fortunate to have eaten at Piggy Park before the brothers took to feuding with each other.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on May 21, 2010 10:04 AM EDT up reply actions
2 things going for the stadium location:
1. Lots of places to park fairly close to the stadium (as in not having to park in someone’s yard in a block/no block category)
2. Easy to drive away from the stadium after the game (with both sides of the road changed to the “hurricane evacuation” concept of escaping the area. Having spent hours going nowhere on University Ave. after a game at the Swamp, trust me – this is a positive
Is there any problem with Athens?
Is it like pleasantville, where they jail and execute signs of color and life? Seems near perfect to me as a impartial observer.
by Londonjoe on May 20, 2010 4:47 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
If you consider this perfection...
This picture never gets old.
by zzgator on May 20, 2010 4:51 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Hey, nobody's perfect.
Creating such hell six times a year is our penance for the fact that otherwise our school is paradise.
Meh.
Athens is like a poor person’s Chapel Hill. SEC fans don’t know this, but Chapel Hill is like a zillion times better in every way than Athens. Same smug, douchey fratbag students, but with much higher SAT scores and Daddy bank statements. MUCH better-looking stadium. Way cooler cops.
OK, Chapel Hill has no music scene to talk about, but what’s Athens done since B-52s and REM left town?
Athens also has more public-housing projects, closer to campus, that Georgia Tech does any more. True fact. The wrong side of the tracks in Athens is ROUGH, y’all.
Athens..
has soul. And….Drive-By Truckers consider Athens their surrogate hometown. And the dank you’re referring to in Athens…that’s part of its charm. The best college cities have a little grit to them. No doubt Chapel Hill is cleaner, but eh, still not as cool (or as fun to drink in).
by JunctionCrimson on May 20, 2010 9:04 PM EDT up reply actions
Better stadium? pfffttt.....
My sister graduated from UNC, and having taken in a few games and her graduation from Kenan, I can tell you hands down that it is no where near as good looking as Sanford Stadium. If anything, Kenan is as close to a poor-man’s Sanford Stadium as any other stadium in the country.
by Roll Fizzlebeef on May 20, 2010 9:42 PM EDT up reply actions
I hate to admit it, but...
Sanford is an awesome stadium. Although my heart is in Bobby Dodd, Sanford is the best stadium that I have ever watched a game in. I’ve seen games at Clemson, UNC, Duke’s slightly pimped out highschool stadium, Doak Campbell (another great stadium), the Georgia Dome, Texas Stadium(RIP, thankfully) and Jerry Jones’ Death Star…Sanford beats all of them for looks and comfort in general…I just wish that all those derned bulldogs weren’t there.
by five point stance on May 20, 2010 11:01 PM EDT up reply actions
Pleas enlighten us about your others, your Northern highness
Give us the teachings from your mighty tower upon the blessed earth of Akron, Ohio.
by Old South on May 21, 2010 1:01 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Sure...
1. Ohio Stadium (obv)
2. Camp Randall
3. Beaver Stadium
4. Notre Dame Stadium (pains me to admit it but the place actually is fucking special)
5. Sanford
119. The Pile of Shit (Michigan Stadium)
I’d also like to mention that the supposed OMG!!! AWESOME TAILGAITING CAUSE WE CARE MORE IN THE SEC!!! was pretty lame. I went to a UGA/UT game in Athens and it was underwhelming to say the least.
by devidee33 on May 21, 2010 8:29 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
But everything is better down here because we do care more!
Your turn
We are THE tigersthatsaywareagle
I know this may be hard for you to believe...
but there are plenty of examples of stadium-awesome that exist outside of We-Care-More country.
My top 3:
1) The Rose Bowl – on a perfect new years day.
2) Kyle Field at Texas A&M – when they get organized and on a roll, that place is fucking fearsome.
3) Notre Dame Stadium- crappy weather and nosebleed seats, but I could see the dome and Touchdown Jesus in the distance at the opposite end of the
stadium
by CincySooner on May 21, 2010 10:11 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Stan Gable
depends on what you want. The Swamp isn’t a great stadium…but the rise is essentially straight up and nearly impossible to traverse when drunk. Nevertheless, that angle and the oppressive heat make it THE best home field stadium.
No one's really gonna to be free until nerd persecution ends - Gilbert Lowe
Kenan is small, pretty, surrounded by trees
Most seats are close to the field, with great site lines. The treetops rise above the upper deck.
Sanford is gigantic and located with a scenic view of…a pedestrian bridge. It’s better than most, I will say, but bigger =/= better. It’s better than UT’s stadium, which a) sways in a high wind, b) is REALLY steep and almost as crowded as GT’s seating plan.
Kenan and Sanford both have noxious-weed hedges, so that’s a push.
BDS&HGF has the advantage of being small and very close to the field, but the disadvantage of bench bleachers spaced for 1940 bodies. Verrrry tight squeeze when the season-ticket-holders actually show up, and Tech is playing somebody that travels. At least they got rid of the East Stands overhang, with its Lewis Grizzard Memorial Sight-Obstructing Pillar and Mystery Drip.
Doak Campbell sucks, too; it’s a giant erector set with a faux brick facade. Looks like an NFL stadium, just like Auburn’s.
They also got rid of the wall of urine
Which may have explained the mystery drip.
Sigh, the great era of stadium urinal construction has gone away.
North Carolina's buildings are much more rundown
I thought y’alls campus was beautifully designed, but the maintenance left much to be desired.
Run Down?
The outside of our buildings have the rustic look from their origins but on the inside you’ll find every class room has been fully redone. It looks old on purpose. My only issue while I was there was the perpetual state of construction. Orange fences everywhere.
As for the rest of the talk about UGA vs UNC its the same exact stadium. UGA’s is bowled in and UNC’s isn’t. I’ve been to both and aethetically I’d opt for my own but on gameday in terms of ease of entry, walk up awe Goergia is easy winner. We’ve got no parking, fans in basketball championship shirts and slapdicks who have trouble walking the 25yards from their dorm to Kenan on time.
We do have way cooler cops though. My lack of MIPs, DUIs or Open Container after 4 years there is evidence of such. More than once a cop gave me a ride home instead of to the courthouse.
http://inthebleachers.net
by InTheBleachers on May 21, 2010 9:06 AM EDT via mobile up reply actions 1 recs
They tore down the housing projects
to put up a parking deck.
"It’s not Disneyland, people. Get the hell out of the way." NYC Firefighter
by jokastrength on May 21, 2010 10:06 AM EDT up reply actions
Hey man...
…you are totally discounting the Clef Hangers and their most famous alum, Anoop Desai [/Idol Nerd]
Yes, I live in Starkville...WHO did I piss off in a past life?
by Queen Hoka-Hotty-Toddy on May 21, 2010 11:41 AM EDT up reply actions
South Bend
Also known as “The Windhole.” Twice the national violent crime rate, half the employment. Natives react with disbelief when you inform them that a ball of fire crosses the sky every day, as they have never seen such a thing.
Brian Kelly says no hat ceremonies.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on May 20, 2010 4:50 PM EDT reply actions 3 recs
My two UF graduate parents moved our family to South Bend for about two years once.
Thankfully, I was only an infant and have no recollection of it…at all. I have seen the photos though and I am surrounded by this white fluffy substance and appear to have mugged an eskimo for their clothing.
At least
you got to enjoy the summer there.
Brian Kelly says no hat ceremonies.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on May 20, 2010 5:02 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Oxford
…while everyone else in the SEC joins the 21st century, they still refuse to allow Sunday booze sales. Good luck getting cold beer in a store.
And BTW, I’m a native and am firmly in the “things were better back in MY day” school of thought, and I’m sure most fans of most towns will say the same.
Yes, I live in Starkville...WHO did I piss off in a past life?
by Queen Hoka-Hotty-Toddy on May 20, 2010 4:55 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Absolutely...just had this conversation with folks the other day...
we are dumbfounded as to how UF students make it through their time in Gainesville without Skeeter’s Big Biscuits.
Tuscaloosa is with you but not because of their own laws...
…it is a state law.
Auburn and Tennessee fans are a lot like Slinkys...neither are worth much but you do get a sense of satisfaction from pushing them down a flight of stairs
you can by booze in bama on sunday.
i used to make the drive from t-town to jefferson county (bham) on a regular basis. tuscaloosa may be changing its law soon. there is a referendum this fall. not that you care.
we do have bassackward blue laws in some places (including dry counties) but you can buy a cold beer/stiff drink on sunday in birmingham and many other parts of the state, including the florabama.
by dirt sandwich on May 20, 2010 5:52 PM EDT up reply actions
Sunday beer?
Twenty minutes north or west to the nearest county line store to get all the beer you want.
Unfortunately, its not cold, and the bars close at one, one, and 12 on thurs, fri, and sat (respectively), but hey, we still manage to be a top-5 party school every year. Not to mention no liquor after 10 and no beer after 12, no matter what day it is.
I’d like to see ya’ll say why oxford sucks without mentioning alcohol sales, you could get pretty creative with that.
If you see J.T. Bowtie, tell him to find me in the grove... if he can get in.
by Jevan Snead's Agent on May 20, 2010 6:33 PM EDT up reply actions
I couldnt live anywhere with a closing time before 4
I think I would get punchy. Im too old for drankin until 4 anymore, but that isnt the point. Us old farts can take over a bar, have a nice night out without the young douche bags around, because they wont be showing up until about the time Im heading home. People dont show up at the “cool” places in Louisville until 1 AM.
Hell, for most of my life, I lived in a dry city/dry county.
Just in the last few years did my city finally go wet, county is still dry. I think you cannot get liquor on Sunday, anywhere in the state. I may be wrong about this, as I haven’t drank much in the past 20 years(since I became legal to do so).
Auburn and Tennessee fans are a lot like Slinkys...neither are worth much but you do get a sense of satisfaction from pushing them down a flight of stairs
All I know..
My sister graduated from Ole Miss and moved to Panama City, FL for her first job… I went to visit her and it didn’t matter the day or the time to get beer or liquor.. it was nice.. I wish Oxford was on that level.
If you see J.T. Bowtie, tell him to find me in the grove... if he can get in.
by Jevan Snead's Agent on May 21, 2010 5:53 AM EDT up reply actions
I still do.
For last 10 years I’ve lived in a dry county, and it has its perks. Very quiet. Zero crime rate outside of the occasional meth lab and growing infestation of illegal alien DUI’s. Bad news is that everything shuts down @ 8 PM (9 on weekends). If I want some hooch, I pick it up on the way home, no big deal. Besides, since Shula’s gone I really have little need for alcohol anymore.
State of Georgia is the same way...
you can get it by the drink in restaurants.
"It’s not Disneyland, people. Get the hell out of the way." NYC Firefighter
by jokastrength on May 20, 2010 5:11 PM EDT up reply actions
Indiana, too.
No booze, no wine, no beer on Sunday. Fortunately, Michigan does not have such absurd laws, and South Bend is only 5 miles from the state line.
Brian Kelly says no hat ceremonies.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on May 20, 2010 5:15 PM EDT up reply actions
not quite true
As of this summer, you can get growler carry outs from your local brewpub in Indiana on Sunday. They are on par with the wineries now.
It seems weird to say.......
…..that the seemingly backwards state of Kansas where I currently reside is downright progressive in its liquor laws. Most counties repealed the “no alcohol on Sundays” law when they realized how much tax $$ they were losing when people would drive to the Mizzourah border for their Sunday booze.
Still can’t get anything higher than 3.2 beer at the grocery store tho dammit!
Kansas still has a ways to go.
There are still a bunch of arcane regulations and laws, but yeah – it’s much better than it was.
When I was in Ca$hville TN in the middle 90s...
…you couldn’t sell “alcohol beverages” on Sundays or in a grocery store.
Yet, inexplicably, beer did not count as an “alcohol beverage.”
Ah, Nash Vegas, the Baptist Vatican, where the separation of Saturday Night and Sunday Morning is rigidly enforced.
"Well, if that ain't a show, I'll kiss your ass." - Gov. Jim Folsom Sr. (D-AL), 1948-52
by VandyImport on May 20, 2010 5:37 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
I declined a job in KS
(to stay in Nebraska! yikes!) b/c I couldn’t understand the funky county-by-county booze laws…and St. Joes was just too far to drive for debauchery.
"Hush now, let it go now. I know it's time to go. Time to let this fall from my hands" VNV Nation, "From My Hands"
by Stuck in the Plains on May 20, 2010 8:22 PM EDT up reply actions
Tell you what...
…I had a good time in Oxford. Well, until I got a ticket for have beer at a tailgate. Oh yeah, not to keen on the bars closing at 12 or the $20 covers, or the $50 minimum tabs. Still, had a great time.
by Kevin@LSU 2.0 on May 20, 2010 6:34 PM EDT up reply actions
RE: $20 covers and $50 minimum.
You’re wasting your time at the stupid-as-fuck Library. Gah, what a shitty place. Look, I was a “fratty-ish” guy in college, and still kinda am, but hanging around with a bunch of vapid white suburbanites gossiping and listening to rap music bores the fuck out of me.
Next time you’re in Oxford, hit up City Grocery or the Burgundy Room. Smaller, more low-key establishments but with a classier, more mature, and far more diverse clientele. You can also drink non-swill beer out of a real glass there! Cocktails too!
Red Cup Rebellion - Changing the Culture of Ole Miss Athletics
Take a picture, trick.
by The Ghost of Jay Cutler on May 21, 2010 11:10 AM EDT up reply actions
I would add Parrish's...
…thank GOD they reopened, in the old Jubilee location. Taylor’s Pub I don’t know about, though I went to HS with the owner. Good guy, loves to get in the mayor’s face about the antiquated laws.
I remember when the Library was Lafayette’s…better live music, but pretty much same stereotypical clientele.
Yes, I live in Starkville...WHO did I piss off in a past life?
by Queen Hoka-Hotty-Toddy on May 21, 2010 11:49 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Where the fuck was there a $50 minimum tab??
most places i’ve been have like ten.. but a 25 or 50 dollar fee for running out on one.
I would have to agree with The Ghost, the Burgundy Room (above Old Venice) is a great place to drink, no doubt. parrish’s is nice too. The only real reason to go to the library or funky’s is just to find the college girls who love those places..
on slow nights (like right now) the cellar is a good place to go. Recently its gotten more popular with the freshmen types since it opened a staircase to the god forsaken levee, but the fact of the matter is THEY HAVE A FREAKING WII… And they’ll let you play beer pong.
If you see J.T. Bowtie, tell him to find me in the grove... if he can get in.
by Jevan Snead's Agent on May 21, 2010 6:23 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
We went to this little bar on the corner...
…next to the cellar bar maybe. Had good music, chill people. Some guy tried to pick a fight because we were wearing t-shirts and jeans. shit you not. it was a new experience.
by Kevin@LSU 2.0 on May 21, 2010 6:51 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Nashville
Redneck Hollywood. Seriously. Every Kroger checkout girl has headshots and a demo tape in the back of her rusting Ford Escort, and every guy pushing your bags out to the car has a huge black hat and is convinced that if his used F-150 swaps enough paint with the tourists out on 440, somebody from Childress will see him and he’ll get to drive the #29 at Rockingham next week. (Don’t tell him, it’ll break his heart.) The squirrels in Centennial Park are carnivores, the malls vary from bland to deadly, and you can’t even get a seat at Pancake Pantry for all the plushbutt yahoos who still think they’re going to see Garth Brooks sitting there. And that’s before even taking into account the fact that the Nashville music industry is so prefabricated and soulless as to make Simon Cowell look like Malcolm McLaren, or the fact that literally everyone who lives in Nash Vegas more than twelve months develops crippling hay fever of a sort that would get the entire city declared a Superfund site were it chemical and not biological.
…God, I miss it so…
"Well, if that ain't a show, I'll kiss your ass." - Gov. Jim Folsom Sr. (D-AL), 1948-52
by VandyImport on May 20, 2010 5:35 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
worked for Kroger
Green Hills for 3 years. Great town, and you hit a lot of high points. Beer Cellar downtown, and the Green House in Green HIlls…killer places to drink. Some of the best times of my life (with my grocery friends no less).
by JunctionCrimson on May 20, 2010 6:22 PM EDT up reply actions
Gainsville-
The only town I’ve ever been in where the major thoroughfares are still paved with sand/dirt. Or at least the pavement is covered with sand/dirt.
Heard at a Gainesville gas station:
“What are you doin this weekend?”
“Gettin the crew together and goin to Palatka!”
True story.
by Roll Fizzlebeef on May 20, 2010 5:44 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Gainesville has to have the biggest town-gown gap in the SEC.
There are “North Central Florida” residents who would kill for football season tickets, but also want to kill those damn librulz runnin’ da skool.
mlmintampa
UF C/O 06
http://www.alligatorarmy.com
thoze dayum libralz
remind me of the fact that i’m pretty sure oxford (lafayette cty) is the only blue county in mississippi..take it how you want, I couldn’t care less about politics, i’m just mostly sure about this.
If you see J.T. Bowtie, tell him to find me in the grove... if he can get in.
by Jevan Snead's Agent on May 21, 2010 5:11 AM EDT up reply actions
False... Well, it depends on how you define "blue."
If you mean, “traditionally votes Democratic,” then half of the state is “blue.” But if you mean “blue” as in “organic foods, damn the man, hemp jewelry, reading Jack Keroac” type of blue then, yeah, Oxford, part of the coast, and a smidge of northeast Jackson are the only parts of the state that could count as such.
Red Cup Rebellion - Changing the Culture of Ole Miss Athletics
Take a picture, trick.
by The Ghost of Jay Cutler on May 21, 2010 11:15 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
may i rephrase that as
the hipster capitol of MS? Which is odd since Ole Miss is seen as one of the Frattiest places in america..
I was pretty drunk when I wrote that above post, I’m not terribly sure what point I was trying to make.
If you see J.T. Bowtie, tell him to find me in the grove... if he can get in.
by Jevan Snead's Agent on May 21, 2010 6:26 PM EDT up reply actions
Well to be honest Oxford is pretty split.
You have the rich fratty and sorostitute types (don’t even get me started on the Nike short-and-Ugg combo with those girls), but they’re only there for four, five, okay maybe six years, and then they come back for football weekends. In town you have the intellectuals, artist, musician, old hippie types that have lived there forever. Not saying that’s exclusive; there are certainly fratty natives and hipster visitors. But being a native most of the people I know are of course in the latter category. Hell Ronzo Shapiro came to my wedding.
Yes, I live in Starkville...WHO did I piss off in a past life?
by Queen Hoka-Hotty-Toddy on May 21, 2010 8:54 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Shapiro
is fucking wild haha.
If you see J.T. Bowtie, tell him to find me in the grove... if he can get in.
by Jevan Snead's Agent on May 22, 2010 5:26 PM EDT up reply actions
Palatka
Hey now… my ancestral home has got tons going for it… I just can’t remember what… if there was any thing… ummm… yah got nothing.
Except for the time that mom got robbed waiting in line at Chicken Charlies. That was a hell of a story.
I really don't know if anything sums up America better. It is simultaneously preposterous, incrediably laughable, impressive, charming, redicoulous, expensive, overpopulated, wonderful, American. -Sir Stephen Fry on visiting the Iron Bowl
Morgantown
OK, it’s not an SEC town (at least not yet), but I’d love to read your assessment of Morgantown.
Just remember, though, that every West Virginian has at least one deer rifle for the fall and at least one turkey shotgun for the spring and is very proficient with all of ’em.
by wvu1980ae on May 20, 2010 6:11 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Berkeley. Trees. Crazy people with fake names.
Tree Sitter Extraction Live Blog
we win. our meme town sucketh over yours by any and all measures.
Thank you for playing.
Go Bears Go
Boston
I guess it’s cheating since it isn’t your stereotypical “college town,” but there are something like a quarter of a million college students in the Boston area. Of course the Tawhhmies are a pain, as are the soul-crushing tundra winters combined with 4 PM sunsets from October to April.
by Cantabrigian_UGA_Fan on May 20, 2010 6:30 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Atlanta
Hotter than shit from May through the second half of October. The epicenter of pollen in the universe. A downtown that combines the architectural charm of Stalingrad with the lively street life of a 1931 Hooverville. Four million homeschooling Neil Boortz fans in Suburbans, surrounding an actual city the size of Indianapolis. Eight lanes of traffic each way on the downtown connector, moving at .1 mph from 5 a.m. to 10 a.m. and 3 p.m. to 8 p.m..
I live here, and you probably wish you did.
by Golden Hand on May 20, 2010 8:11 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
and don't forget...
more strippers than you can shake your stick at.
by five point stance on May 20, 2010 11:06 PM EDT up reply actions
Goddamn, this is so dead on it’s not even funny.
Bravo, sir.
by get swoll yunel on May 21, 2010 6:16 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
At least you have traffic...
They advise against such vibration in Storrs:
"God dammit, Donald"
by DougoUConnPlaysFootball? on May 21, 2010 6:25 AM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
Rec'd
Spice must flow.
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
sounds about right
Home for my first 28 years. I’d miss it a lot more, but the traffic had become so infuriating, I really don’t. Plus, now I live in a place that allows alcohol sales on Sundays.
Remember shortly before they launched that "Open" campaign?
The AJC had a (mostly) tongue-in-cheek feature for reader submissions on a new Atlanta slogan. My favorite was “You can’t see the smog for the trees”.
My other favorite observation about Atlanta? Springtime in Atlanta is my favorite week of the year.
do me in the dirt button, mohawk
it’s all bullshit, anyway.
/hatefuck the crowd with magik/
.i like me stoopid teh entry-neb
by thetennesseethumper on May 20, 2010 9:05 PM EDT reply actions
My favorite of the Gainesville 8...
is most certainly “The Walker” (the cracked out black guy who has not stopped a constant, deliberate walk for at least the last 6 years. He wears a coat more suitable for Minnesota winters, regardless of the soul-crushing heat and humidity. The sweat pours from him almost as profusely as intense hatred.
A close second is “Piano Hands” who walks down University merrily playing a silent jingle on an invisible piano. He walked into a party at my house once. Talk about terrifying.
by Patron Gator of Friday on May 20, 2010 9:25 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
One day last year I saw The Walker holding an umbrella...
was the only time he ever looked the slightest bit different.
"In case you're wondering what the offense should look like, that wasn't it." - Urban Meyer
by cantcatchuf on May 23, 2010 11:50 AM EDT up reply actions
The State of Literacy in America provides the percent of each State’s population at Level 1 literacy.
Level 1 reflecting the lowest skills and Level 5 reflecting the highest skills.
Level 1 literacy is generally defined as less than fifth-grade reading and comprehension skills
by devidee33 on May 20, 2010 10:09 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
What I want to know is...
…why do they always stick the camera in the face of that 20 to 30% in the South? I am an edumacated muthafucka and they never interview me or anyone else with an education.
Auburn and Tennessee fans are a lot like Slinkys...neither are worth much but you do get a sense of satisfaction from pushing them down a flight of stairs
It’s a conspiracy among people from the west coast and the north east to keep our prejudices intact.
"When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea"
as an ole miss student..
What the hell? I mean, anyone from the area has seen the billboard that says “our children can’t read Missippi?” Jerrell Powe thinks thats absolutely retarded, and I mean, Jerrell Powe said that… Obviously Starkville paid for those signs…
If you see J.T. Bowtie, tell him to find me in the grove... if he can get in.
by Jevan Snead's Agent on May 21, 2010 5:20 AM EDT up reply actions
New New York Motto:
Just as literate as Alabama
May need to save that image
next time someone from NY or CA or IL slams KY, I can tell them to shut the fuck up. We may not have shoes, but we can read. Sorta. Not as well as boring, nothing to do in the winter in the middle of the great plains states, but pretty good.
by gtne91 on May 21, 2010 9:38 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
I hate these kinds of graphics.
Let’s say, hypothetically, Mississippi is at 30.1% while every other state in the vicinity is anywhere between 29.8% and 29.9%. The numbers separating them are miniscule to the point of insignificance, but the COLOR DEEP DARK RED IT IS FUCKING SCARY. A gradient would be nicer and more telling, but that’s more difficult and less fun.
But yeah, we’ve got issues, and I blame them on everybody else.
Red Cup Rebellion - Changing the Culture of Ole Miss Athletics
Take a picture, trick.
by The Ghost of Jay Cutler on May 21, 2010 11:20 AM EDT up reply actions
You know
I grew up in Lawrence, KS (go to KU now) and I gotta say, I love this place. I’m sure I’m biased…anybody else ever come here? Thoughts?
Lawrence is beautiful.
It was by far my favorite road trip when I was at Nebraska. Beautiful campus, nice college town. I’ve no idea about drankin’ laws, given that it’s not my primary evaluator, but I was back recently for a campus ministry review and it looked even nicer than I remembered.
‘Course, my opinion would rise even higher if I got to stay in that gigantic hotel/batcave y’all built for your heavy lifting donors. Just sayin’.
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
by Go Big Rev on May 21, 2010 9:11 AM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
Drankin' laws in Lawrence are fine.
Bars stay open ’til 2, you can buy booze on Sundays.
But the Oread sucks. They could have done such a great job of it, and we ended up with a giant gothic emo-cave next to campus.
This reminds me of how OU fans are always referring to Norman as a glorious utopia in a state of suck.
Sure, a mall and a Marie Calendar’s makes you a little classier than most, but you still cook just as much meth as the rest of Oklahoma.
by okie for michigan on May 21, 2010 9:44 AM EDT reply actions
or how Aggy fans think Stillwater is the pinacle of the small-town college experience
Norman and Stillwater are the exact same freakin’ town. One is just a little further off the interstate than the other.
by CincySooner on May 21, 2010 10:40 AM EDT up reply actions
Look out
my pseudo-emo-hipster sister-in-law calls Austinites a bunch of poseurs, especially during SXSW.
Of course, she herself IS a poseur…
Yes, I live in Starkville...WHO did I piss off in a past life?
by Queen Hoka-Hotty-Toddy on May 21, 2010 8:56 PM EDT up reply actions
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