Big Ten(eleven) Gets a Makeover

Here is the major problem we have all been consistently avoiding when discussing Big Televen Expansion: What to name the new conference. Obviously the former Big 8 or WOOOOOH WHEEEEHHHHHH OKLOHOMA N’ TEXAS Conference has expanded to the Big 12 (and killed one of the most significant and symbolic southwest/Midwest rivalries- Cornhuskers v. Longhorns) so that name is clearly occupied. So, assuming the Big Televen growth occurs, its time for a new name to fit the new conference…


Some suggestions were:


-Big Middle American Conference


-Ameri-freakin-Stanzi Conference


- Ohio State, Notre Dame, Michigan and eleven other schools Conference


-SEC Chopping Block Conference


-Big Fourteen(ish)  

 [Assuming the conference will again expand shortly after the End of the World in 2012]

Each and every name has two things in common…Symbolism and Satire. Unfortunately, in the real world the TRUE name of the conference will not hold seeing as Ricky Stanzi will move on to more American things following this season. Therefore the true conference name (following expansion) has been concealed from the public. Luckily enough my years of ineptitude and devious behaviors has finally paid off. I present to the Great AmeriStanzi nation the expansion conference formerly known as the Big Ten(eleven): The WAS Conference. WAS will become a leader in on the field competition while hoping Michigan State can keep the conference competitive in the annual Fulmer Cup. Fortunately enough I was also able to sneak into the secret Big Televen Headquarters in Rich Rodriguez’s Club and Bar in downtown Ann Arbor (The best place for Trivia Night Monday! Use the NCAA Hotline for help on answers for future SAT’s! Phone a Recruit on behalf of UM Athletics!). WAS stands appropriately for the White And Slow Conference. After years of such superstar thinkers and semi-athletes such as AJ Hawk, James Laurinaitis, Chad Henne, Ricky Stanzi, and National Champion Craig Krenzel its clear the name fits. The WAS Conference will represent all this is right and equal in modern day athletics. The WAS represents all that is American in our society. Although the name clearly fits, it is only in its beginning stages…we need to push the Mathematically challenged leaders of the Big Televen to pass this through and begin expansion and end it this summer. This movement will take our minds of such trivial matters as basketball/hockey playoffs, work, and the money will all lost on the NCAA tournament! Its Time for a Change. Its time for the WAS Conference. 

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