GET YOUR WAR ON. Freek continues to perform public services on a daily basis.
DHANI JONES YOUR SHOW SUCKS. That has little to do with this actual critique of Rich Rodriguez, since we'd be pissed too and far less objective than we are about Rodriguez if he'd taken our precious little football cottage and leveled it to build a gaudy stucco nouveau-riche La Quinta in its place. (And taken several disastrous-looking years to do it.) But the show sucks because you're good at sports, Dhani. You go to Thailand, and wander around for a bit doing stuff while providing nothing like an entertaining monologue about travel behind it, and then turbo-kick some overmatched local's ass in the process. Set off some napalm and scatter some dollar bills behind you on the way out and you're basically the American military abroad since Vietnam. In fact, you should do that, since napalm would improve the show.
THURSDAY IS THE FIRST NIGHT OF THE WEEKEND. The Thursday night football schedule is out, and your early endurance test is already set: USC at Hawaii on Sept. 2nd, kicking at 11 p.m. on the first day of the college football season. The seven hour liveblog? WE DARE OURSELVES TO DO IT AND YOU TO WATCH THE WHOLE THING. You're taking Friday off, and your boss will understand, and if he/she fires you for it you didn't want to work there anyway.
USF WILL BEAT A TEAM BY FIVE HUNDRED POINTS THIS SEASON. Among the Big East's most embarrassing non-D-1 games: USF will play Stony Brook this season, a game that can only end in bloody goo everywhere.
THE MOST IMPORTANT NEWS YOU WILL READ TODAY: Melvin Fellows' Safari Planet is coming on strong for the Buckeyes, and Jake Stoneburner is rampaging away in practice. Ignore all other data and take these two names as a guarantee of a BCS Title Game appearance this year.