WE FAIL TO SEE HOW THIS IS ANYTHING BUT MAJESTIC
by Spencer Hall on Mar 9, 2010 5:23 PM EST
36 comments
How anyone could see anything but excellence permeating every pixel of this photo could only be the product of a disgruntled Seahawks fan venting over Bosworth's roid-deflation and subsequent lackluster NFL career.
White Suit: Because a serious gentleman wears a suit, and a white suit belongs only to a gentleman so assured of himself and his surroundings that he will neither sit on something and befilthify his pristine suit nor lose control of his bladder or bilge valve whilst esconced in its ivory embrace.
White Shoes: Don't even check the calendar, because if it's Boz-time it's summer wherever you are.
Black T-shirt: He's a man who sees things in two shades: white, and that color it makes when the lights are off and you're naked with him in his 40 foot wide waterbed. He doesn't recall the word, but he majored in Asskick, not English baby.
Sunglasses: The shine and heat from his balls is a gift and a curse. Wear appropriate eyegear around 1980s Boz at all times.
Oil Drill. Not to get all poetry technical on you, but there's some symbolism going on there, which he won't explain. It's seriously complicated, and way too advanced to lay on you right now. Mindblowing stuff, but it would take some major lecture professor talk to get you to where Boz is okay it's supposed to be his dick.
White Corvette: There's supposed to be a model on the front at all times. When shit gets too real and the Boz starts cutting corners at 80 miles an hour, a new one is placed there by helicopter delivery to replace the old one who fell off screaming and rolling on the roadside. There's only two seats in this thing, baby: one for the Boz, and one that stays empty because you just look SO FUNNY SCREAMING ON THE HOOD THERE! Plus he can balance some ketchup on the seat for easy dipping, and he can't do that when you're sitting in the seat talking with your lungs and mouth like a woman.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ae4xvVj85rE
Still … can’t …. catch … him …
not pictured
cocaine, everywhere
Football is my anti-drug. CollegeGameBalls.com
by collegegameballs on Mar 9, 2010 5:36 PM EST reply actions
It's pictured.
Those aren’t regular rocks he walks on, those rocks are 100% cocaine.
"You don't become a Hawkeye fan, You're born with Black and Gold in your veins." - Me
by BStylin Hawkye on Mar 9, 2010 5:51 PM EST up reply actions
Also offscreen
Bo Jackson and his 8-story, 500-mph monster truck in fashionable black.
That picture makes me proud that I went to college in the '80s...
no…seriously…I loved every cheesy minute of it.
This is so irresponsible.
Do you know how many unplanned pregnancies you’ll cause by having this on the front page? For shame, sir. For shame.
"Well, if that ain't a show, I'll kiss your ass." - Gov. Jim Folsom Sr. (D-AL), 1948-52
by VandyImport on Mar 9, 2010 5:55 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
Are those Vuarnets?
_________________
I'm Banana dammit!!!
by BurritoBrosShits on Mar 9, 2010 5:59 PM EST reply actions
Don’t forget the subtle purple lighting. It says I’m sensitive (I almost said “thoughtful” but this is the Boz) but I’ll still kick your ass.
I really don't know if anything sums up America better. It is simultaneously preposterous, incrediably laughable, impressive, charming, redicoulous, expensive, overpopulated, wonderful, American. -Sir Stephen Fry on visiting the Iron Bowl
The reason there is no woman in this picture
is because Uncle Luke and Lamar Thomas are laying pipe like the fuckin’ Corps of Engineers in her trailer.
Boz might have a white suit and a Corvette, but he wasn’t trying to get in shootouts with drug dealers in Liberty City.
Pig Pen this here's Rubber Duck, and I'm about to put the hammer down.
by JimHalpert on Mar 9, 2010 6:43 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
A Screw Loose
This is a wonderful image, which appeared in Sports Illustrated’s 1986 college football preview. In the profile that accompanied it, the Boz bragged about his summer job at GM’s Oklahoma City plant, where he claimed his co-workers taught him how to insert loose bolts into hard-to-reach corners of Chevy Celebrities and Buick Centuries, creating a rattle that drove the owners nuts. But nobody gets away with doing that crap to the Boz’s ’Vette: http://articles.latimes.com/1986-10-16/sports/sp-5739_1_lightning-bolt
Damn it feels good to be a gangsta
Boomer Fucking Sooner!
by Billy Sims' Fro on Mar 9, 2010 10:29 PM EST reply actions
"You gotta eat your grub if you wanna be a stud."
Immortal words from Boz in Stone Cold.
From 11 to about age 16, I asked for a #44 OU jersey every year for Christmas and birthdays (did not acknowledge the Seahawks years as #55 -blech). Never got one. Could have something to do with the fact I grew up in Kansas. Or maybe parents not wanting to encourage their impressionable young daughter’s adoration for a roided up attitude problem. Not sure which.
Anyway, if anyone has a vintage mesh #44 OU jersey in the 1980s mesh half-shirt style they’d like to get rid of, I’ll take it off your hands.
I have a lifetime ban from Sooner Legends in Norman
For trying to rip a picture of The Boz off the wall.
“Hey Bro,
Hate to bring it up, but I got my credit card statement recently and I was to see if I could get a check for the broken pic [The Boz] from Sooner Legends. They ended up charging me $100.
Multiple customers rooms comped due to our party
$150 carpet cleaning
$100 broken pic
Permanently banished from Sooner Legends
Priceless
Sorry we like to party!
GO FROGS!”
"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." - Hunter S. Thompson
by Sexual Chili on Mar 10, 2010 12:07 PM EST up reply actions
To really complete the mirror image tri-fecta that suit should be black.
Car, suit, man…all in perfect tonal harmony.
Rich Brooks ...
… does not have time for Boz’s shit!
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy!
- Ben Franklin, skirt chaser par excellence
by Charlie Weis's Colon on Mar 10, 2010 8:58 AM EST reply actions
Funny Thing...
I seem to remember reading an article about The Boz circa 2000.
Apparently, he and all of his college buddies all have two or three “sweet, little girls”, and his mom went on record saying it “serves ’em right.”
Continuing the 80SAWESOME! Theme...
LA Times is reporting Corey Haim has died from an overdose.
I'm Irish. I'm going to have to deal with something being wrong the rest of my life.
by boddagettaflyer on Mar 10, 2010 9:40 AM EST reply actions
I want that car.
not drunk, just overserved
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Mar 10, 2010 9:53 AM EST reply actions
Having grown up playing around these things, I can tell you that
we are looking at a pumping unit – in the background that is – not a drilling rig. Not quibbling, because your point remains the same and is just as readily made with the pump – he wants everyone to know he has a potent weiner.
So you're the reason
we had the awesometude of the Switzer/Aikman PSA that ended with The King yelling “DON’T PLAY AT WELL SITES”
by Billy Sims' Fro on Mar 10, 2010 12:28 PM EST up reply actions
White Socks
…Boz ain’t faggy like that no socks thing. Feet need to be warm for between sheets time and walking on cold ER floors.
Diamond Bracelet: This whole bracelet is covered in .10 G, with some champagne in there for flava. It costs more than… your bracelet.
Duck Voodoo... Its Real!
www.duckvoodoo.com
Its good to know
that why my hypothetical offspring asks me what the 80s were like I can simply point to this photo.
A bullhorn, a bottle of whiskey and a dream. GobblerCountry.com
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