THE CURIOUS INDEX, 3/31/2010

IT'S NOT DONE YET SETTLE DOWN IT'S NOT LIKE YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THIS BEFORE. The deal to bring Texas Tech and Alabama together in the unholy matrimony of an out-of-conference matchup in 2011 is not complete yet, but don't let that stop you from ringing your own bell at the thought. 

Don't feel obligated to: it's not like Alabama fans didn't watch Tuberville do this six times in a row to their team. <---LET'S REMIND SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE OF  WHEN THEY LIVED IN A DUMPSTER AND CRAVED ONLY THE TASTE OF SPRAY STARCH IN THEIR LUNGS. 

GRR THAT'S A TIGHT SHIP YOU'VE GOT THERE.  Lane Kiffin's first practice was more disciplined, blah blah blah, but let's just get this one out there for the LULZ, and let you roll around on the floor for a while after reading it. USC is requesting 24 hours notice if you'd like to be a visitor on the sideline, banning agents and agent types (you read that correctly,) and doing all of this for compliance's sake. No, seriously. 

"We have just changed the way we monitor a little bit, tightened it up," Kiffin said. "We want to be really on top of who's coming in and out of here, obviously for compliance reasons."

Been a while since we've swept down here, but it's still nice and cool on our back. Hey! There's that chew bone Isis left under the couch, and what appears to be five dollars in change mixed in with the dust bunnies. Who knew this would be such adventure! Lane Kiffin also promised more work and less fun, which everyone loves like galley slaves driven to the beat of a savage drum. NFORTUNATELY PAIRED HEADLINES: ONE: Jeff Tedford jokes about spring break being more dangerous than football practice hahahaaha---

UNFORTUNATELY PAIRED HEADLINES: TWO: An 18 year old Tarleton State football player died of a head injury sustained in spring practice yesterday. The play was described as routine, and happened in the middle of a standard block. Investigations pending. 

I PLAN TO LOAF SLIGHTLY LESS THIS YEAR. Will Hill openly admits he loafed last year at Florida. The first step is admitting it, true. The second step will be becoming the second coming of Reggie Nelson, pulling in 18 interceptions all of which come at the perfect time and absolutely cripple the other team, and knocking out no fewer than three people on the field this year. Not that we have unrealistic expectations for you, young man. In same article: Emmanuel Moody's ankle has been patched up with its usual blend of tasty fondant and icing, and should hold for another few hours or so. Can the bakers move him up the stairs and onto the stage without him toppling? 

THAT'S SOME QUALITY FLUFF. Notre Dame, an article saying nothing but positive things, and the last name Montana: now that's nougaty spring practice fluff at its finest, thurr. 

COACHES WERE STUNNED TO SEE HIM SHOW UP NOT COVERED IN THE BLOOD OF HIS FOES. Jake Locker showed up to Washington practice and stunned teammates by not showing up in his usual coating of gore, blood, and the evaporated fear of his vanquished opponents: 

The most surprising sights at the University of Washington football team’s first spring practice on Tuesday afternoon were not the four freshmen who enrolled in school early or even the member of the UW men’s basketball team who came out for the team. The most surprising thing was that Jake Locker was not carrying an axe.

That's just Jake being Jake! Sure, ruin it with a Paul Bunyan turn if you like, but he'll always be the Pathfinder to us from this point on whether you like it or not.