THE CURIOUS INDEX, 3/26/2010
by Spencer Hall on Mar 26, 2010 9:39 AM EDT
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URBAN MEYER APOLOGY WATCH, DAY TWO: NO SIGHTINGS. Current diplomatic setting: JAMES HETFIELD AIN'T YOUR BITCH. Not that we're going to count this and track it, because it would be like an apocalypse calendar in that you'd die before you saw it happen.
DEAR EVERYONE PLEASE STOP STABBING EACH OTHER KTHX. Florida International running back Kendall Berry, 22, was stabbed to death last night on FIU's West Dade campus. Witnesses saw an argument outside a rec center, which then escalated into the act that ended Berry's life. Florida International has had a rough millenium football-wise, but this has to be the nadir. Condolences all around.
TENNESSEE LOSES A WEED. Derek Dooley watches another rotten tooth of the Lane Kiffin Dental Hygiene Regime fall out as Aaron Douglas, an offensive lineman Tennessee really couldn't afford to lose, announces he is leaving the program for [SOME REALLY STUPID THING LANE KIFFIN CAN BE BLAMED FOR.] Dooley announced he is "not pulling weeds...but planting grass," a metaphor which should ring true to the fescue-obsessives in the Tennessee fanbase. (That's all of them.) Thus far we know this about Precious: a.) he's good with paperwork, and b.) he likes to make analogies his fanbase can get. Stay tuned for deer urine metaphors!
OUR PUNTER'S TAKING SNAPS. FIRST RULE: DON'T PANIC. Urban Meyer's never cared much for carrying a cavalcade of quarterbacks, and even rode with a mere two during the 2006 season, but when John Brantley goes down with some kind of tropical strepthroat plague and your punter is taking spring practice snaps, hyperventilation may be the only natural reaction. Dr. Ludacris recommends cognac for your symptoms.
DON'T MISS THE IMPORTANT THING HERE: FOZZY ASCENDS TO STARTER. Sure, you could note the emphasis on the I-formation, a shift from Texas' pass-first Colt McCoy-based offense, but don't lose sight of the important thing here: the starting running back for the Longhorns next year will be named "Fozzy," which is short for "Foswhitt." Steampunk Emperor Mingo is PLEASED at this development.
HOUSTON NUTT TOTALLY TOOK A DUMP ON THE PHONE WITH THE SOLID VERBAL. Houston Nutt clearly talks from inside an echo-ey bathroom and flushes a toilet around the 9:50 mark in his talk with the Solid Verbal. Points for multi-tasking, but dammit, Houston: that's what the mute button on your phone is for. "You know what I like about okra, Dan? IT'S FAST."
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"And a guy with a fair to middling record in the WAC shall lead them."
Stay tuned for deer urine metaphors!
Phil “Loaves and Bucks” Fulmer approves.
What did Deonte Thompson have to say about your punters passing prowess?
by Crabapple Buck on Mar 26, 2010 10:16 AM EDT reply actions
Something Like...
…mumble mumble mumble second coming of Tom Tupa mumble mumble.
Btw, Corch says you are no longer welcome on the practice field.
He likes the punter better than Tebow too.
Chas Henry, now that is a REAL quarterback!
by HawkeyeRecon on Mar 26, 2010 11:16 AM EDT up reply actions
Um...I used to have a yard.
And I pulled a lot of weeds, because if I didn’t there’d be no grass. Just weeds. Maybe I’m not getting the metaphor? Or maybe, as a Gator, I should be really pleased with the state of affairs in Knoxville.
I wouldn't be too pleased
because this is all just part of the plan.
Oh wait. That was the last guy who got the Tennessee job because his dad was a famous coach. Carry on.
interesting observation
of Tennessee coaches getting jobs because of famous coaching dads. In the event that the new coach with a famous coaching dad performs as well against the bulldogs as the previous new coach with a famous coaching dad, we will see a correlation between coaches with famous coaching dads and defeating the bulldogs. You will have an unique opportunity to share how the presence of coaches with famous coaching dads on the opposite sideline impacts the sting of defeat. I look forward to your findings.
If you win all your fights, you're pickin em
by imhugeinjapan on Mar 26, 2010 11:51 AM EDT up reply actions
Obviously that hire had nothing to do with him being the OC for back to back national championship teams or coaching in the NFL.
Los Angeles is like Manchester. There is a red team that wins championships and a blue team that doesn't.
Oh, that had something to do with it.
But if his name had been Lane Dunderfuffle he’d not have gotten those gigs, either.
maybe...
he has already tilled the land (gotten rid of all types of kiffykin-weed), and is placing the sod… if i were a UT fan i would want Dooley to go with Imperial Zoysia because it is attractive, drought resistant and resilient to wear
It also has a bad habit of blowing across from the lawn of the crazy old bitch across the street, trying to take over my lawn, and then heading for the flower beds. Which I wouldn’t mind except the old bat spends all her time bitching about the branch segments that come off some non-native tree in my front yard that blow into hers… which she gathers up and throws on my lawn.
Which doesn’t really have anything to do with Kiffin or Dooley, I’ll grant you.
you can remedy that...
moth balls on her front lawn/walkway…she’ll slip… if she really is old and crazy, she’ll think she put them out there… case. closed…
[i guess it should be said: post meant in jest, i do not endorse the harming of old people… i like old people, when i have gotten to know ’em, they are usually on the same maturity level as me…]
whaka whaka whaka
My “take-a-drink” game for Texas games looks to hit high gear next year. Last one to say “whaka whaka whaka” when Fozzy touches the ball has to drink. This is going to be great!
I will miss the part in Texas Tech games where you had to sing a line from a Vince Gill song every time they showed the Dread Pirate Leach. But I guess I could insert something about Dumbo in there now or something, although that seems overplayed.
Regarding the (2d/3d string) quarterback situation at UF, I can only hope you get the DJ Shockley’s hurt, you get Joe T III at the WLOCP UGA ca. 2005 experience this year, Spencer. I love you man, but I’m already lighting candles for this to happen. If it doesn’t, it means Mark Richt ain’t so right with God and all you Baptists in the audience should really think this through.
not drunk, just overserved
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Mar 26, 2010 10:25 AM EDT reply actions
Cognac?
Yes, please. I have a secondary rooting interest in Tennessee, and with the events in Knoxville over the past two years I think Dr. Ludicris’ prescription is in order.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
Can we get....
special badass status for James Hetfield? In my mind, he’s in Lemmy territory. amirite?
by ESS EEE SEE Speed on Mar 26, 2010 11:17 AM EDT reply actions
NO
Nobody is in Lemmy’s universe. The mole alone is more badass than most nations entire defense departments. Het is at the top of the might take over once Lemmy is 6 feet under list.
Auburn and Tennessee fans are a lot like Slinkys...neither are worth much but you do get a sense of satisfaction from pushing them down a flight of stairs
"Wrong dickhead,
Trick question, Lemmy IS God."
by Kecalf Bailey on Mar 26, 2010 3:24 PM EDT up reply actions
Metallica Trivia:
Those were actually the original lyrics that Lars wanted to go with. Just because it would make Kirk cry.
I was given to understand that
every creative decision ever made by Metallica was made with the sole aim of causing either Kirk or Jason Newsted to cry.
Nothing beats the way they fired Mustaine, though
“Wake up, here’s your BUS ticket back to San Fransisco.”
by Billy Sims' Fro on Mar 26, 2010 1:42 PM EDT up reply actions
One could read into the Nutt grumpy
Perhaps the only shit he gives about this f*ing interview is the one he made clear just took place by flushing now instead of waiting. Or maybe this is how he rolls with the people. Little people like us, who want to know Houston Nutt also takes a grumpy on the phone with his friends.
by Infield Elephant on Mar 26, 2010 12:39 PM EDT reply actions
Does the legend of Nutt need any more material?
Echo – flush – door click – no echo
so fucking obvious.
by Alex P in Smyrna G on Mar 26, 2010 2:57 PM EDT reply actions
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