THE CURIOUS INDEX, 3/24/10

MMMMM SPRING PRACTICE PORN. As you watch this video, please note LB coach DJ Durkin's perfect adoptions of Urban Meyer's vocal cadence and mannerisms (or lack thereof.) 

Please also note that the video includes Deonte Thompson's OMG CONTROVERSIAL comments about Tim Tebow versus John Brantley, and if you'd like to carry that discussion over another day we'll paraphrase some random NFL prospect before the Wonderlic and ask you to shut the fuck up. In other slightly dated cheese: Chas Henry hit a 97 yard net punt in practice on Monday, yes with a fierce wind at his back, but still: 97 freakin' yards. Fear our conservative field position tactics! 

(Prayer before the Wonderlic. We love you Tim, but seriously, don't overload the prayer request drawer over an IQ test.) 

IT WAS IN THE HANDS OF AN INTERN FOR QUITE A WHILE COACH KELLY.  Brian Kelly engaged in some standard spring practice commentary on his team, a move requiring the unsubtle and deserved criticism of his predecessor, because that guy was horrible at this job and Kelly is not. 

"Their attention to detail is not where it needs to be," Kelly said Tuesday after speaking at a luncheon. "Their discipline is not where it needs to be. They need to care about themselves and their football players a lot more. I'm tired of hearing about the next NFL player coming out of Notre Dame, quite frankly.

There's your entire Charlie Weis recruiting pitch right there: be an NFL prospect who loses to Syracuse and Navy. 

NO NO NO NO NO WHAAAA---- Steve Spurrier...is...what is this word...a-dapt-ing? Well, as long as he doesn't do any of that commie spread run nonsense, or heaven forbid ask his quarterback to run, because---

The second sign came when tailback Jarvis Giles took a handoff, scanned one side of the field for a hole, bounced outside and blazed down the field for a huge gain. The play looked less like something Fred Taylor might have run and more like something Steve Slaton might have run. Spurrier wouldn't ditch his draw-oriented run game for a zone scheme, would he? He might.

Narm narm narm narm narm---

HE WILL INSTEAD HAVE A JERSEY READING "ORNAMENT." Taylor Potts will wear a jersey with his own name on it this season, and will practice handing off a bit more because if he throws more than 35 times in a game under Tommy Tuberville, it will because Tuberville has been run over by the Red Raider and his horse on the sidelines and is en route to the hospital. Au revoir, monsieur Nick. 

MARYLAND IS EAGER TO HUFF SHOW THAT HUFF THEY ARE HUFF NOT A HUFF 2-10 TEAM. Maryland sounds like they're all losing weight in spring practice, and not just from the winter's typical scale bump, either. Was Fridge their nutritionist last year? It would explain their breathtaking team slows, and ankle-saving inability to juke and make plays in the open field. 

SOMEONE WAS TOLD, THEREFORE YOU MAY PROCEED TO OH SNAPPAGE. Mike Garrett, USC AD: 

First, Garrett reiterated that no USC student-athlete, coach or staff member will take part in an NCAA pool because it is considered gambling. "There have been several notable examples of college athletic department employees who have broken this rule, and we’re fortunate we have those examples to teach us all that the only way to do it is the right way. So our athletes and staff must act like Trojans and do the right thing, because it’s not worth jeopardizing eligibility or damaging reputations over a few dollars in a tournament bracket."

...he said, ignoring the player living in a five bedroom house paid for by a sports marketer. Balls: he has them.