OREGON CHEERLEADER ARRESTED FOR DUI
by Spencer Hall on Mar 2, 2010 11:43 AM EST
23 comments
The Ducks Imperial March through the civil and criminal codebook of Eugene, Oregon continues apace and is not limited to those who take the field in pads. 18 year old Cheerleader Molly Maginnis of Beaverton, Oregon was cited for DUI on Saturday night in Eugene as she tried to park her busted-ass Chevy Equinox SUV* in a parking spot, and thus breaking two cardinal rules of drunk driving in both a.) driving an SUV, and b.) attempting to parallel park while hammered.
Insult to injury: you got pulled over by ten speeds and two legs, girl.
A bicycle patrol officer made contact with Maginnis after noticing her repeated attempts to park her sports utility vehicle, Kletzok said.
Oregon's had both a kicker AND a cheerleader get into trouble with the law. Only possible explanation for widespread mayhem: a maenad is loose in Eugene, and the vampires, werewolves, and shifters will have to team up with the elves to rid the town of her madness.
*Obligatory use of "busted-ass" mandated by AP Style Manual in conjunction with the Chevy Equinox.
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But to be certain...
you can get a DUI (or relevant driving while/under violation) for weed smokin as well as for drankin.
Sports utility vehicle?
I guess we have to keep our options open. I like it.
by ESS EEE SEE Speed on Mar 2, 2010 11:49 AM EST reply actions
Just imagine this sloppy drunk....
The term ohmigoodness springs immediately to mind
The one on the left or the one on the right?
Because the one on the left already looks sloopy drunk.
As to the one on the right, I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiments you express above.
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Agreed 100%
Although Holyfuckingshityes is more my style
"I think so, Brain, but how are we going to get the bacon flavoring into the pencils?"
EDSBS is educational
had to look up “maenad”
i feel smarter and will use that the next time i see a drunk chick
although i probably should check dictionary.com and make the computer pronounce it for me, i’m just going to slur it anyways…
According to wiki,
Maenads “would lose all self-control, begin shouting excitedly, engage in uncontrolled sexual behavior, and ritualistically hunt down and tear animals (and sometimes men and children) to pieces, devouring the raw flesh.”
Sounds like LSU coeds on gameday.
by GwinnettGamecock on Mar 2, 2010 4:33 PM EST up reply actions
I was wondering why this deserved a post
and then I clicked the Youtube.
Was this the same chick that was hit in the head with a water bottle at Arizona?
That would make for a hell of a first year.
And be careful disagreeing with Howie Long re: Chevy. You have a kid to think about now.
What is more embarrasing?
The fact that the author of this post included a “True Blood” reference, or the fact that I recognized it as such?
I’m sure she was just doing her part to support Oregon’s wine and beer industry in an economically troubled period. She should be praised, not arrested, for being a true Oregonian.
by DC Trojan on Mar 2, 2010 1:33 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
Shame on her
Driving a SUV is Class 4 Felony in Eugene, even if it is an Equinox.
As an Oregon Alum
I would much rather have my cheerleaders getting DUI’s than helping the homeless or fundraising. This adds to the overall profile of the University at “wholesome, down to earth, a place for anyone and everyone”
I find it hard to believe that no one made a joke about the cheerleader being from Beaverton.
/high school Beavis and Butthead humor
First off, I’d like to know if the young lady could parallel park the vehicle under ANY conditions.
As the old feminist saying goes, “A man is good for only one thing, and how often do you need to parallel park anyway?”
by An 'eer with a beer on Mar 2, 2010 6:30 PM EST reply actions
Great Paragraph
The Ducks Imperial March through the civil and criminal codebook of Eugene, Oregon continues apace and is not limited to those who take the field in pads. 18 year old Cheerleader Molly Maginnis of Beaverton, Oregon was cited for DUI on Saturday night in Eugene as she tried to park her busted-ass Chevy Equinox SUV* in a parking spot, and thus breaking two cardinal rules of drunk driving in both a.) driving an SUV, and b.) attempting to parallel park while hammered.
I wish I could write this that well!!!!!
There’s seriously something in the water down there causing everyone to go crazy. Check out this caller to a local radio host where he tells him “he hopes some crazy Oregon fan flips out and kills him someday”
95.5 The Game Link
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