THE CURIOUS INDEX, 3/16/2010

ROCKETS! YEAH-AH! Toledo's football program has an indoor practice facility and yours doesn't. Wrap your brain around that this morning. 

 

You also know it's the Midwest because a player in the interview says "we've come together over bowling."  

DON'T LET UP UNTIL YOU ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS, CHAMPIONS.  We at EDSBS are about finishing the drill, or at least about you finishing the drill while we sit in a lawn chair and watch you sweat and work hard and stuff. We can't get out there, because we have this knee ankle back thing, and because we have this weird condition where moisture appears on our skin when we start moving too much, and it makes our custom velour sweatsuits wet and shit.  

So in that vein, good work, nation...

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But if you haven't voted, finish the drill, soldier. We've got to get Duchess her crown, and Gulbis is only the first brick that's gotta come out of that wall if we want to see it happen. 

UM HE WEARS TIGHTS?  Robert Marve, former UM starter and thrower of one of the worst interceptions we've ever seen in person, is now at Purdue competing for the open starter's position. Danny Hope, mustachioed coach of the Boilermakers, has to resort to creepy children's myths in order to properly describe him.  

"He has outstanding leadership ability," Hope said. "He's a tremendous worker, he's as committed as any football player that I've been around. He's a pied piper of men in some ways. They follow him, and he's fit in very well.

...and he will lead them into the mountains, open up a secret luminescent door only he can control, and steal your men. Got it, Coach Hope. 

THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT, RIGHT? When Tuberville turns around and sees the Zorro-knockoff behind him, he's gonna shit bricks. We recommend photoshopping other things behind him, like Nick Saban on Falcor. 

HEADLINE USELESSNESS. For someone who's read spring fluff stories all morning, really, what is the purpose of writing a headline like "Jimbo Fisher gets right to work this spring," really? The inverse test, applied: "Jimbo Fisher thought about going to work, but instead he got a toaster strudel, put it in the toaster, and then sort of just stared at a corner of the kitchen ceiling until it came out half-thawed, but he thought 'Fuck it, I'll eat it anyway' and then just watched Kathie Lee and Hoda Kotb for an hour waiting for the coffee to kick in. Then, finally, at around 11:30 am, he dragged his sorry ass into work." 

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