STEVEN THREET CONTINUES HIS TOUR OF TERRIBLE OFFENSES
by Spencer Hall on Mar 10, 2010 11:42 AM EST
12 comments
Steven Threet might be the Typhoid Mary of bad offenses. It's necessary to first remind you that Steven Threet still exists after transferring from Michigan in 2008, where he formed half of a two-headed quarterback duo in the 3-9 season that kicked off the Rich Rodriguez era. (One and a half wins for each quarterback: splitting up a triiiiiscuit....)
This came after a year at Georgia Tech, where the departure of offensive coordinator Patrick Nix prompted his initial transfer to Michigan. The decision to leave based on your performance in a hypothetical non-Patrick Nix offense may be the most damning thing you can write about someone's judgment or intellect. It requires no modification or expansion.
Threet is now at Arizona State, a school that last year averaged 22.3 points a game. If you believe the trend of two theory (and we do,) then the Sun Devils are doomed, because though he may be a fine person and excellent athlete Steven Threet is clearly the vector for some kind of offensive football AIDS, like a tall, white version of Reggie Ball sent out to spawn an outbreak of low scoring offensive games.
In fact, maybe that's how it happened. Threet came into contact with items both Patrick Nix and Ball touched while enrolled at Georgia Tech, and then was himself infected, and then carried it to Ann Arbor, and has now landed in Tempe with a viral load potent enough to take them to depths unseen by even the worst of Dennis Erickson's Idaho teams. Need further proof? Just look at Michigan, whose offense got so much better after he---
On second thought, perhaps this theory needs further work. Disregard.
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How I met steven threet...
So I was at a [fraternity redacted] shot party when I ran into, then freshman commit, steven threet (I was a junior at GT at the time). He was introduced to me by some alarmingly attractive female that I had been chatting up for the previous half hour and she heralded him as “the savior of georgia tech football”. Amidst fully comprehending who she’d be sleeping with that night I was shocked to see that mr. threet was a white male. I asked… “Steven Threet… aren’t you supposed to be black?” (as an aside… I totally got him confused with josh nesbitt, who was also a new freshman commit at the time). Threet just stood there with a dumb look on his face while the attractive female jumped back in… “of course he’s white”. At this point me and my buddy were still very unconvinced so we asked to see his buzz card. Sure enough, steven threet, white guy with a now all too familiar dumb look on his face. Needless to say we were a bit embarrassed at this point but too mr. threet’s credit, he didn’t really care what had just happened (maybe because he didn’t fully grasp what had just happened). Anyway it wasn’t much longer before he transferred and I’d have to say I’m pretty pleased with how he performed his role as gt’s “savior”
by NittanyJackets on Mar 10, 2010 12:03 PM EST reply actions
I enjoyed his time at UM...
any chance they could get him back?
by Crabapple Buck on Mar 10, 2010 12:43 PM EST reply actions
Sure..
but you have to take back Cooper as your coach!!!
by blueisthecolor70 on Mar 10, 2010 2:42 PM EST up reply actions
...
I’m not certain you can even count his time at GT, as I recall he enrolled early but after ball had already failed out and roughly at the same time pat nix was been hired away and transferred out roughly by spring practice that year
Contact with clothing or items either touched...
…would be enough to ensure contamination.
by Spencer Hall on Mar 10, 2010 1:23 PM EST up reply actions
I didn't realize ASU's offense could get much worse...
but Threet WAS on the scout team last year, so there you go.
On a related note, Erickson claims this may be the fastest ASU offense EVAR.
Cue up the Rolling Stones
“You cant always get what you want”. Threet should’ve went to MSU or Purdue and would have been in a better postion.
Speaking of guys not making the best of things:
RichRod should’ve adapted to his talent and not his talent adapt to him. He has lost Threet, Mallett, the “Talent” (guy not named who transferred to Rice) and a host of talent switching to the Read option. If he had simply ditched the read option until the talent was ready and ran more spread and I formation stuff. He maybe has several more wins and less talk about his Extra Standard(everyone does it) Practice.
There's a Big 10...
…rule that prohibits giving a scholarship to a player who transfers from another conference school. Every Michigan fans’ best pal Justin Boren is walking on at OSU, apparently willing to pay to spite Rich Rodriguez.
by witless chum on Mar 11, 2010 12:20 PM EST up reply actions
My totally well-reasoned theory
From the public facts known, I can deduce the following: Nick Foles is his white whale and he is a somewhat more noodle-armed Ahab.
Sometime in in 2006, Texas high schooler Nick Foles killed Steven Threet’s family/dog/dreams/erection/whatever. Swearing eternal vengeance by pagan gods, he learns that Foles had made a late switch in commitment from Arizona State to Michigan State, Threet transfers to U of M, clearly hoping to lead a blue-clad Foles-smashing in a few years.
But the wily Foles got beaten out for the backup job in spring 2008 by fellow redshirt freshman Kirk Cousins and/or spooked by the arrival of Oklahoma transfer Keith Nichol in East Lansing, decamped to Arizona. Threet, who’d been cultivating a relationship with a girl whose brother was willing to jump MSU starter Brian Hoyer and hit his knee with a crowbar (Threet is a traditionalist and a figure skating fan, this is well known) to get Foles the starting job, has a pretty bad season because his despondence at Foles’ escape makes him just not care anymore. His focus faltered and his near-flawless Pat White impersonation that Rich Rodriguez based his whole offensive five-year plan around falls flat.
But, aha, an oppurtunity! Arizona State has need of a QB and Threet already knows how to fill out transfer papers. Vengeance will be his!
And that’s the rest of the story. In related news, does anyone know where I can get my hands on a large quantity of pseudoephredrine, some pop bottles and a heat source?
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