An Ode to a Douchebag
by UGAstudent4UF on Feb 5, 2010 6:28 PM EST
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Just when we thought that Matt Stafford couldn't get any douche-ier, he proves us all wrong by signing on as a spokesman for AXE Hair Gel.
Claiming that I, too, can get "hair action" (whatever the hell that is) by rubbing some goop through my mane, Stafford rolls through a drive thru in a baby blue convertible while he's hair-molested.
Stafford's monotone, personality-less demeanor is awe inspiring to say the least as he has that whole "I'm better than you and I know it" attitude nailed.
Whether Stafford's prowling the streets of his old stomping grounds (otherwise known as downtown Athens, Ga.) while rocking a flat-billed, lime green Atlanta Braves cap or he's sipping on a mixed drink at one the city's hush-hush under-21 bars, his douche-essence is undeniable.
The whispers of "Look it's Matt Stafford," are constantly followed by the much more appropriate murmurs of, "What an asshole."
Sure, there's a slight bit of envy lying beneath the surface of those comments but when all of the eighteen and nineteen year-old girls are saying them too, it's hard to deny their merit.
Anyway, back to the point.
Stafford, the now multi-million dollar man, was never shy about his intentions with the lady folk during his three-year reign here in Athens but one has to wonder how successful his endeavors were when he's selling the promise of "hair action" to thousands of eager males instead of that other kind of action men are usually more interested in.
Look, I love Matt Stafford.
I love his zero SEC Championship Game appearances and overall "nothing to show for" collegiate career.
I love his epic failure to meet expectations that accompanied his recruitment to the University of Georgia.
I even love his ability to hoist empty kegs over his head while tailgating for a NASCAR race.
I mean, who wouldn't?
But the one thing I love about Matt Stafford more than anything is his overall douche aroma that emits from that fat-faced dome of his and the sudden insatiable need that I have to run my hands through those luscious, douche bag hair follicles.
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Just when we thought that Matt Stafford couldn’t get any douche-ier,
I didn’t think that. Why did you think that?
The "O" stands for "Oh dear god, when does football season start again?"
Yes, because given the opportunity,
I’m sure you certainly wouldn’t be the spokesman for Axe. You know…being paid exhorbitant amounts of money to be put up in a plush hotel room in Miami for the Super Bowl week, with the sole purpose of doing interviews on radio row while promoting Axe hair products and being followed around by an entourage of hot Axe girls. What a chode. What was he thinking?
Sounds like someone has a bad case of the wants.
Great point.
It’s not like Stafford has #1 pick cash to fall back on.
by Giant Catfish on Feb 8, 2010 7:20 PM EST up reply actions
So...
- pick cash comes into the argument where?
by hailtogeorgia on Feb 9, 2010 10:19 AM EST up reply actions
hmmm, apparently
starting off a post with #1 turns it into a 1 with a period following it. Carry on.
by hailtogeorgia on Feb 9, 2010 10:20 AM EST up reply actions
Haha over react much “hate mongering”… But good job on averting the attention away from the douch bag hawking boy products. Lol
"When you argue correctly, you're never wrong."-Nick Naylor
by Hook85 on Feb 8, 2010 11:50 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
Re hatemongering
If the shoe fits… And it’s definitely the right size for Focus On the Family. I actually feel a little bad for Tebow, but he should have done his homework. If he did do his homework, he really is a first-class tool.
But anyway, thanks for missing the point of my comment. Cheers!
by NCT on Feb 9, 2010 12:13 AM EST via mobile up reply actions
Maybe you should read up a little more about thier views. Not that I totally agree with them, but they don’t hate monger.
I know there’s been a bunch of articles out there that makes FOTF look that way but if u go and read thier side it becomes more clear on thier intentions, and hating isn’t one of them. So maybe u should do ur home work.
"When you argue correctly, you're never wrong."-Nick Naylor
by Hook85 on Feb 9, 2010 12:30 AM EST via mobile up reply actions
I’ve visited their site. I’ve read their and their political action arm’s legislative agendas. I’ve looked at the voting records of the polticians to whom they give their stamp of approval. Hopefully their new leadership will take them in a better direction. But there’s still plenty of hate coming from that organization. Hey, maybe Tebow will surprise me and have a good influence on them. I’ll keep an eye out for that (but won’t hold my breath).
by NCT on Feb 9, 2010 12:36 AM EST via mobile up reply actions
Not sure where the hate mongering is coming from then if you have read thier clear intentions on the subject of what people have been clammering about? I.E. Hate crimes act and enda…
"When you argue correctly, you're never wrong."-Nick Naylor
by Hook85 on Feb 9, 2010 12:43 AM EST via mobile up reply actions
If claiming that Catholics are going to fry in hell isn't hatemongering to you
then I guess we have nothing to discuss. For my part, I find the attitude to be spectacularly bigoted, but that’s just me.
by aproposdenada on Feb 17, 2010 3:07 PM EST up reply actions
Focus on the family does not claim such a thing.
Ur mistaken.
"When you argue correctly, you're never wrong."-Nick Naylor
*They are typos, get over it*
Btw- there is no point you are sarcastic about Stafford bein a DB. Then your sarcastic about big names doing meaningfull stuff. Basically all your doing is diverting the attention from Stafford to Tebow.
Wich I complimented u on, cuz it worked.
"When you argue correctly, you're never wrong."-Nick Naylor
by Hook85 on Feb 9, 2010 12:37 AM EST via mobile up reply actions
Honestly I wasn’t trying to divert attention. Sports figures do foolish things. Axe is worthy of mockery. So is FOTF, in my opinion. They can’t all be cool like Peyton in his SNL appearance. I pulled the Tebow thing because it just happened. I didn’t think bringing up Namath’s wearing panty hose for a commercial would be as, um, timely.
Dang. Axe/Tag, jorts, and hypersensitivity abot the great Tebow. Fun to see so many stereotypes in one place.
by NCT on Feb 9, 2010 1:14 AM EST via mobile up reply actions
So you do think Stafford is a db for being a spokes guy for Axe?that’s harsh. If he starts tanning and saying things like the situation I’ll agree.
I don’t really think he’s a db and I assume the OP was just exaggerating for comedy sake. Probly his failed attempt to be noticed by edsbs Spencer hall.
So I just assumed ur Tebow comment was a exaggerration as well not miss informed.
"When you argue correctly, you're never wrong."-Nick Naylor
Yep
2nd paragraph hits it right on the head. Thanks for noticing.
Glad I could spark a little debate.
by UGAstudent4UF on Feb 9, 2010 10:00 AM EST up reply actions
Either way, you are still a douchebag...
if just by your name. That name means you deserve a healthy beating, may I suggest staking out a spot in front of Flanagan’s or Farenheit while saying the most obnoxious things you can imagine.
Seriously...
UGA student for Florida? Do you think Gators cheer for us or FSU? Do you cheer for Auburn and Tennessee as well?
If you can get what’s wrong with your name, then the I’m disappointed in the level of intelligence at my alma mater.
Great points. I guess.
It takes a special kind of prick, I suppose, to take lots of cash to hawk men’s boys’ grooming products. Too bad all the big names can’t do something meaningful — like give their time away to promote hatemongering “religious” groups.
Damn I phone!
Haha over react much “hate mongering”….but good job on averting the attention away from the the douche bag “hawking” boy products.
"When you argue correctly, you're never wrong."-Nick Naylor
by Hook85 on Feb 8, 2010 11:57 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
Wait...
You’re a Florida fan that doesn’t like Axe hair products?
Well damn, I guess some stereotypes aren’t always true.
Now y'all without sin can cast the first stone...
by Sir Francis Drank on Feb 8, 2010 2:05 PM EST reply actions
?
I’m afraid this post says more about you than Stafford.
"Dum spiro spero"
by Bravely going forward on Feb 8, 2010 2:27 PM EST reply actions
Stafford is a better QB than Tebow ever will be.
Of Course Tebow probably won’t play QB but just thought I’d throw that out there.
Great Oden's Raven I love Mike "The Predator" Dixon!
Your that DB kid that would say my dad can beat up your dad.
And just for fun, what has Stafford done that makes you come to this conclusion besides being being a hyped up #1 pick that looked like shit his rookie season when he wasn’t sitting on the side lines hurt? Given Tebow may never amount to anything in the NFL but how is that different from Stafford so far?lol
"When you argue correctly, you're never wrong."-Nick Naylor
by Hook85 on Feb 8, 2010 11:26 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
Next time you make a stupid but funny fan post please take away any Gator connections, it ruins the validity of post.
"When you argue correctly, you're never wrong."-Nick Naylor
by Hook85 on Feb 9, 2010 12:06 AM EST via mobile reply actions
Bitter much?
Next time you try to spark some debate with a “humorous” post, do us all a favor and make sure that its funny. mmmkay?
touche
I tried to be funny and it didn’t really work out…oh well, I appreciate the criticism
by UGAstudent4UF on Feb 9, 2010 5:29 PM EST up reply actions
It happens.
(as evidenced by my first comment herein).
by NCT on Feb 9, 2010 8:37 PM EST up reply actions
Crap-tastic!
You should be horse whipped for linking that horrible post to this excellent blog. Stick to being a “real life troll” by wearing orange and blue to all your classes at UGA and refrain from any more attempts at writing on the interwebz.
Thnx…
/golf clap
Passing? Who needs passing?
by RamblinWreck007 on Feb 13, 2010 10:38 AM EST reply actions
I Think You Missed The Point
“Sure, there’s a slight bit of envy lying beneath the surface of those comments but when all of the eighteen and nineteen year-old girls are saying them too, it’s hard to deny their merit.”
when the hot 19-year-old with the giant rack tells you that stafford is a douche, then she goes over to him to have her picture taken and he takes her and her hot friend in the back room for an hour, then she comes back and tells you that he’s an asshole, guess what? matt stafford still wins.
scoreboard, as they say.
by ramblingamblinjohn on Feb 17, 2010 3:08 PM EST reply actions
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