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Around SBN: Tottenham's Plans for Northumberland Stadium Approved

BECAUSE IT'S THE OFFSEASON: MASCOT ASSAULT

Greatness announces itself with "Yakety Sax," a rule obeyed by the Louisville sports news crew who, in the midst of an on-air promo for Mascot Bowl, found themselves televising the sexual assault of a person in a bat suit at the hands/claws/legs of a person in a crab costume. The video refuses to embed here, but go here, watch video six, and go to the 2:20 mark to cut to the chase of what happens when passions between furry mascots and inflatable mascots spark and catch fire.

Freek has saved the day for those of you who cannot watch it, and has condensed the drama into convenient gif form.

Mascot_hump_medium

via i9.photobucket.com

The panties falling off the bird only confirm your suspicions that inflatable mascots are terrifying sexual deviants who, if they moved into your neighborhood, would likely be forced by the law to announce their presence to their neighbors door-to-door. WHEE THIS IS MY RAPE BIKE. Lil Red has never been seen within five hundred feet of a school, and never will if he doesn't like the idea of prison. We kid! Lil Red isn't a pedophile, but is instead an accomplished murderer/rapist. Calling him anything but that is selling his immense talents short of their real worth. 

P.S. Inflatable mascots scare the shit out of us. Please kill them all with fire. (HT: @rabithead via Twitter.) 

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The college football season is so fragile. It's like a glass ball being pushed around from stadium to stadium by a rhinoceros.

by Winfield Featherston on Feb 5, 2010 12:30 PM EST reply actions  

Don't you just love how

all the other mascots congregate to cheer on the attacker and make fun of the victim?

"There's an angel on my shoulder, but the devil's at the wheel." - Jonatha Brooke

by MtnEer_in_SC on Feb 5, 2010 12:33 PM EST reply actions  

Since when did they get sent to Fox River? Poor guy…he’s just getting the “fresh-fish” treatment, but shouldn’t been allowed in Gen-pop anyway.

by GradyWilson on Feb 5, 2010 12:46 PM EST reply actions  

I wish I could tell you that the bat fought the good fight, and the crab let him be.

I wish I could tell you that – but the Mascot Bowl is no fairy-tale world. He never said who did it, but we all knew.

by TheFakeGimelMartinez on Feb 5, 2010 12:50 PM EST up reply actions   2 recs

Zooperstars

I knew Donovan McCrab was a deviant.

by Brian_K on Feb 5, 2010 12:51 PM EST reply actions  

Hey, you tricked me!

When I saw “Yakety Sax,” I thought I was going to get video of Nick Sheridan fumbling in a monsoon.

Brian Kelly says no Burger King at 3 AM.

by Ancient Chinese Secret on Feb 5, 2010 12:55 PM EST reply actions  

High octane nightmare fuel

I still can’t figure out what disturbed me more…the Shoney’s Big Boy or the bird with the ass crack.

by sonofsamford on Feb 5, 2010 12:58 PM EST reply actions  

I saw the Zooperstars at a AAA baseball game a couple of years ago. It was one of the finest pieces of entertainment I’ve witnessed. Though when Harry Canary gave Nolan Rhino the Arabian goggles, I had to look away.

by TheKernel on Feb 5, 2010 12:59 PM EST reply actions  

That was the most . . .

disturbing thing I’ve seen all morning. And I woke up to the CBS Early Show’s Super Bowl coverage live from Miami, so that’s saying something.

by MaconDawg on Feb 5, 2010 1:05 PM EST reply actions  

Orson, I want to commend you on your rapier wit.

by Brian_K on Feb 5, 2010 1:05 PM EST reply actions  

The bat mascot gave up

He “resisted” in the same sense that Will Ferrell did in the Hugh Jackman “Christmas Kangaroo” skit on SNL. The real deviant here is the Bat, for enjoying it. Perhaps OS is in the right for calling for a genocidal response.

STRONG LIKE BOAR

by Red Clay For Brains on Feb 5, 2010 1:06 PM EST reply actions  

Did you see how fast that bird bailed?

Dude’s been around the block. He knew what was comin’ and wanted no part of it.

Hallucinogenic love drugs, sir. The pagans were taking them. We were trying to fit in.

by Cali Dawg on Feb 5, 2010 1:08 PM EST reply actions  

The bat mascot is saying...

…“I am gonna give you three minutes to stop, or I am gonna get mad”.

Auburn and Tennessee fans are a lot like Slinkys...neither are worth much but you do get a sense of satisfaction from pushing them down a flight of stairs

by bamachine on Feb 5, 2010 1:57 PM EST reply actions  

I guess nobody’s wondering any more why the WVU Mountaineer carries that musket wherever he/she goes, are they?

by An 'eer with a beer on Feb 5, 2010 2:02 PM EST reply actions  

You know...

Philly McCrab could have just as easily been a Heisman Trophy/National Championship winning QB. Apparently, its 50/50 like that.

by meatybob on Feb 5, 2010 2:18 PM EST reply actions  

Mascot rape can be justified. Like when the Houston Cougar mocks your pushups-after-a-TD routine so you teabag him.

Also, I claim that rape-proof mascots exist.

Every few minutes, it hits me. "Holy *$^#, the Saints are in the Super Bowl."

by AllSaintsDay on Feb 5, 2010 2:34 PM EST reply actions  

In that same vein...

…I give you some shoes and luggage.

Auburn and Tennessee fans are a lot like Slinkys...neither are worth much but you do get a sense of satisfaction from pushing them down a flight of stairs

by bamachine on Feb 5, 2010 4:45 PM EST up reply actions  

I'm sorry...

I’m not a therapist. I’ve been meaning to get that sign fixed. The sign should say, “The Rapist.”

by Salt on Feb 5, 2010 2:44 PM EST reply actions  

The crab says...

I’ll see you in the parking lot, same bat-time, same bat-channel.

by LoneStarHoosier on Feb 5, 2010 3:22 PM EST reply actions  

Also note that the crab isn't just a rapist...

…but a pedo, note the baby bird and it torn diaper as it runs away.

Excuse me Mr. Crab but I like to introduce myself, Chris Hansen, Dateline NBC

Auburn and Tennessee fans are a lot like Slinkys...neither are worth much but you do get a sense of satisfaction from pushing them down a flight of stairs

by bamachine on Feb 5, 2010 4:49 PM EST reply actions   1 recs

*I'd

Auburn and Tennessee fans are a lot like Slinkys...neither are worth much but you do get a sense of satisfaction from pushing them down a flight of stairs

by bamachine on Feb 5, 2010 4:49 PM EST up reply actions  

What is going on, why is this happenning

and why is there a strawberry mascot, I’m so cunfused

Players who should be in the Hall of Fame: DIck Lebeau, Pat TIllman, Dwight White, Donnie Shell, L.C. Greenwood, Ray Guy, Steve Tasker, Greg Llyod, Andy Russel, Cris Carter, Kevin Greene and Jerry Kramer
I want to have sex with this moment. And get this moment pregnant. VAsaintsfan after the 2009 NFC championship game
Canal Street Chronicles resident Steelers Fan

by WVPiratesfan on Feb 6, 2010 4:59 PM EST reply actions  

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