FOR YOUR EYES ONLY: THE AUBURN INTELLIGENCE FOLDER

by Doug Gillett on Feb 25, 2010 1:07 PM EST Comment 23 comments

Underestimate the Auburn Tigers at your own peril: Under Gene Chizik and Gus Malzahn, Auburn football has become some serious business.

Malzahn spent some time at the end of his day to discuss his daily regimen, changes in Auburn's 2010 attack, the search for a new primary tailback and his secret dossier of Auburn's most valuable intelligence.

Yes, it's a real folder.

. . .

Q: So do you have a secret stash of intelligence, a folder somewhere?

A: I sure do. I'm old-school, I like to write stuff down. The more I write down, the more I can remember. There is a file and it's one I read a lot.

"Secret stash"? Not anymore. Using operatives positioned deep within the Auburn athletic department -- whom we could tell you about, but would then of course have to kill you -- we have obtained the contents of Malzahn's folder, which we will now lay bare for the world to see:

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well shit

now I want Nutt to grow an evil goatee

by Jerkwheat on Feb 25, 2010 1:17 PM EST reply actions

Maybe it's the whack computer screen here at work

But Damn, for a second I thought Nutt was Leo DiCaprio with a goatee wearing Arkansas gear for some reason. It’s the eyes.

We are gonna shock them with 5,000 mega watts of raw ROO POWER.

by psuwxman on Feb 25, 2010 1:19 PM EST reply actions

wow

I guess I wasn’t the only one.
On another note, this entry would be even better with more Jessica Biel pics

by longhorn5288 on Feb 25, 2010 1:31 PM EST up reply actions

Please, more jessica Biel

"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke

by MtnEer_in_SC on Feb 25, 2010 1:47 PM EST up reply actions

Hey, wait a minute!

This isn’t real! I know because the subject line of his email doesn’t contain the words “PLZ REPLY”

Brian Kelly says no Burger King at 3 AM.

by Ancient Chinese Secret on Feb 25, 2010 1:24 PM EST reply actions

Driving directions to Arby's FTW.

Nicely done.

by Big Jon on Feb 25, 2010 1:29 PM EST reply actions

Malzahns Folder

This is the funniest thing I have ever seen on this besides possibly some of LSUFreeks material. That letter from Chizik is perfect down to the last detail, great stuff.

by Marines4Auburn on Feb 25, 2010 2:09 PM EST reply actions

One thing...

You forgot to include in the contents the reason why Pat Dye’s pants were really located at the bottom of Lake Martin.

Also, +1 Cocktails on the Arby’s mention. I spent many a dollar there while matriculating. I would have given you +100 Cocktails if you had mentioned the old Milo’s a couple of places down from that. DAMN YOU MILO’S AND YOUR SPECIAL SAUCE!!!!

by Terry Bowden's Shoe Lifts on Feb 25, 2010 2:13 PM EST reply actions

There are few things that are universally agreed on in Alabama....

Milo’s sauce (and sweet tea) are two of them. The sweet tea is affectionately known as “liquid crack” (it’s that damn habit forming).

by BamaTaxMan on Feb 25, 2010 6:04 PM EST up reply actions

Arby's?

Why the hell would anyone stop at Arby’s when Momma Goldberg’s is on the way? That place is the tits.

by OrangeBritches on Feb 26, 2010 10:34 AM EST up reply actions

Good point...

I was just to lazy of an asshole to walk that far away from my building.

by Terry Bowden's Shoe Lifts on Feb 26, 2010 3:43 PM EST up reply actions

Holy shit this was an awesome post!

by Alex P in Smyrna G on Feb 25, 2010 2:14 PM EST reply actions

Great Stuff

As long as we keep getting at least one “Bobby Petrino leaving Arkansas” joke per day… and especially if it involves Malzahn to Arkansas to replace him since. 3 for 3!

by GoHogsGo on Feb 25, 2010 2:22 PM EST reply actions