FOR YOUR EYES ONLY: THE AUBURN INTELLIGENCE FOLDER
by Doug Gillett on Feb 25, 2010 1:07 PM EST
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Underestimate the Auburn Tigers at your own peril: Under Gene Chizik and Gus Malzahn, Auburn football has become some serious business.
Malzahn spent some time at the end of his day to discuss his daily regimen, changes in Auburn's 2010 attack, the search for a new primary tailback and his secret dossier of Auburn's most valuable intelligence.
Yes, it's a real folder.
. . .
Q: So do you have a secret stash of intelligence, a folder somewhere?
A: I sure do. I'm old-school, I like to write stuff down. The more I write down, the more I can remember. There is a file and it's one I read a lot.
"Secret stash"? Not anymore. Using operatives positioned deep within the Auburn athletic department -- whom we could tell you about, but would then of course have to kill you -- we have obtained the contents of Malzahn's folder, which we will now lay bare for the world to see:
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Maybe it's the whack computer screen here at work
But Damn, for a second I thought Nutt was Leo DiCaprio with a goatee wearing Arkansas gear for some reason. It’s the eyes.
We are gonna shock them with 5,000 mega watts of raw ROO POWER.
wow
I guess I wasn’t the only one.
On another note, this entry would be even better with more Jessica Biel pics
by longhorn5288 on Feb 25, 2010 1:31 PM EST up reply actions
Please, more jessica Biel
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on Feb 25, 2010 1:47 PM EST up reply actions
Hey, wait a minute!
This isn’t real! I know because the subject line of his email doesn’t contain the words “PLZ REPLY”
Brian Kelly says no Burger King at 3 AM.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Feb 25, 2010 1:24 PM EST reply actions
Malzahns Folder
This is the funniest thing I have ever seen on this besides possibly some of LSUFreeks material. That letter from Chizik is perfect down to the last detail, great stuff.
One thing...
You forgot to include in the contents the reason why Pat Dye’s pants were really located at the bottom of Lake Martin.
Also, +1 Cocktails on the Arby’s mention. I spent many a dollar there while matriculating. I would have given you +100 Cocktails if you had mentioned the old Milo’s a couple of places down from that. DAMN YOU MILO’S AND YOUR SPECIAL SAUCE!!!!
by Terry Bowden's Shoe Lifts on Feb 25, 2010 2:13 PM EST reply actions
There are few things that are universally agreed on in Alabama....
Milo’s sauce (and sweet tea) are two of them. The sweet tea is affectionately known as “liquid crack” (it’s that damn habit forming).
Arby's?
Why the hell would anyone stop at Arby’s when Momma Goldberg’s is on the way? That place is the tits.
by OrangeBritches on Feb 26, 2010 10:34 AM EST up reply actions
Good point...
I was just to lazy of an asshole to walk that far away from my building.
by Terry Bowden's Shoe Lifts on Feb 26, 2010 3:43 PM EST up reply actions
Great Stuff
As long as we keep getting at least one “Bobby Petrino leaving Arkansas” joke per day… and especially if it involves Malzahn to Arkansas to replace him since. 3 for 3!
Wonderful
If this is the quality of posting we’re going to get in Orson’s absence, then I hope he never comes back. No hard feelings, Orson. Strictly business.
Roger Moore?
Seriously?
sigh
not drunk, just overserved
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Feb 25, 2010 4:51 PM EST reply actions
MOAR..
Arby’s and Biel!
And…
Sean Connery > Roger Moore
Hell…
Timothy Dalton > Roger Moore
What's up Ryan? ARGHHHHHH!!! oops. ~ Patrick Chewing
Hall of Fame Post.
Great work, Doug! That deserves a standing slow clap.
Further MSPaint praise
Credit where it’s due: I would like to register my approval of the correct usage of “chop block”.
Trust me, you too would appreciate it more if you’d ever spent five minutes talking completely at cross purposes with a supposedly rules-savvy coach because he didn’t know what the rulebook thinks “clipping” is…
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