A HANDSOME LEATHER-BOUND COMMEMORATIVE VOLUME OF SUSPENSIONS, DISMISSALS, AND DEPARTURES

by Holly Anderson on Feb 24, 2010 2:22 PM EST

It's attrition season, and not just in Eugene. Fulmer Cup points, where applicable, will be tallied upon the return of Fearless Leader, but in the meantime try and wrap your heads around who else is gone this week:

Lemmings_medium

• Gary Brown, Florida: Swatted away. (Urban Meyer did refer to the second woman striking Brown as "harsh.")

• Andrew Harris, Ole Miss: Not enrolled for spring. Houston Nutt's farm system delivery tubes will have another receiver sprouting up in his place before the week is out.

• Tyrik Rollison, Auburn: In need of a "fresh start" and headed to Houston State, according to Joe Schad, who heard it from the internet.

• Oregon. All of 'em.

• As previously mentioned, Robby Green and the Badger Badger Badgers (because there's three of them, see) have been dealt a Situation and a Mysterious Series Of Suspensions, respectively.

• Daniel Palmer and Nick Sampson, UTEP: confessing to robbery and somehow still hanging on with the team despite having been suspended since June. Chip Kelly approves.

• Carnell Lake, UCLA cornerbacks coach: Resigning and citing "family reasons." We like Hinton's reaction: "No one actually steps down for family. Suspicious."

• Marlon Johnson, Nevada: On team probation for ... oh, for fuck's sake:

Johnson, who will be a sophomore next fall and will likely be a second- or third-team safety, received a traffic citation nearly two years ago. Wolf Pack spokesman Chad Hartley said that Johnson thought his dad had taken care of it, but when he was pulled over by the Nevada Highway Patrol last weekend he was arrested for failure to appear, a misdemeanor.

This is the worst Fulmer Cup entry in recorded human history.

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To be fair...

Oregon caught the fact that Troy Hill was a 5th year HS player. St. Bonaventure had no idea.

by SeattleDucks on Feb 24, 2010 2:30 PM EST reply actions

The hell that isn't the lamest Fulmer Cup entry.

USF won the damn thing last year on the “strength” of someone who forgot to renew his driver’s license, thus giving them more than one arrest and allowing them to be eligible for the title.

by Jamie DeVriend on Feb 24, 2010 2:35 PM EST reply actions

Marlon Johnson has the worst fuckin' attorneys.

Also, now would be an opportune time for a column about how BACK IN THE OLD DAYS college football players never used to get into trouble with the law, or do poorly in school, or have problems with women. And coaches took their salary in beans and hardtack, and they liked it.

Brian Kelly says no Burger King at 3 AM.

by Ancient Chinese Secret on Feb 24, 2010 2:37 PM EST reply actions

Several UGA offenders of the ticky-tack traffic variety...

disagree with Holly that, “This is the worst Fulmer Cup entry in recorded human history.” Was he on a scooter when pulled over? Then I rest my case.

by Mr. Sanchez on Feb 24, 2010 3:08 PM EST reply actions

Come on kids, we want to see you play ball, not the scrawny walk-on backup that has to replace you. The Fulmer Cup can only take part of the disappointment away.

There’s already enough superstar attrition from the NFL each year.

by Tim James on Feb 24, 2010 3:13 PM EST reply actions

Referee Mills Lane says....

“I’ll allow it.”

It is done.

by ESS EEE SEE Speed on Feb 24, 2010 3:34 PM EST reply actions

Marlon don't know 'bout no citation

So, was he caught in a random checkpoint or was he doing something that made the officer pull him over? Extra Fulmer points may be on the table.

"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke

by MtnEer_in_SC on Feb 24, 2010 3:44 PM EST reply actions

Re: Lamest Fulmer Cup Points

A couple years ago, 19-year-old Jimmah Clausen was in the car of a 23-year-old friend who was buying booze in a liquor store in South Bend, and was charged with MIP, I think. Did he pick up any points for that?

By the way, the great State of Indiana and its liquor laws may go fist themselves at their earliest convenience.

Brian Kelly says no Burger King at 3 AM.

by Ancient Chinese Secret on Feb 24, 2010 3:53 PM EST reply actions

Lemmings.

Oh how you saved my sanity every week in elementary when we had to go to ‘computer lab’ (yay for learning WordPerfect 5.1 in 19-fucking-97).

"In case you're wondering what the offense should look like, that wasn't it." - Urban Meyer

by cantcatchuf on Feb 24, 2010 4:21 PM EST reply actions

+1000 cocktails

for the Lemmings screen cap. Spent way too much time on that in my elementary school years, but never quite managed to beat the game. Think the furthest I got was around level 107 (out of 120).

by SpartanDan on Feb 24, 2010 8:58 PM EST reply actions