FULMER CUPDATE: AUSTIN BOX MARKS HIS TERRITORY IN NORMAN
by Spencer Hall on Feb 15, 2010 4:37 PM EST
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PrintWe've never, in the course of many man-hours logged in bars, had to urinate in a bar. In the bathroom in a bar, yes. Errantly on the floors of that bathroom? Definitely. In the tub of ice keeping beer cold in a bar? Perhaps, though we would say that we only did it for our country, and not on a random dare with the payoff of a single basket of chicken fingers.*
Austin Box, Oklahoma junior linebacker, did see fit to pee in a bar, more specifically on the barstools of Skky Bar. Box started four games at middle linebacker in 2009, played in ten, and bears a striking resemblance to Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.
Box was told "he had to go" by bouncers at the club, the universal sign for "you are too hellaciously intoxicated to be dealt with, and are currently orbiting Venus." Box was then seen urinating on barstools near the entrance of Skky Bar at around 2 a.m. Saturday, arrested, and charged with a complaint of "outraging public decency." Oklahoma earns one point in the Fulmer Cup, while Christina Hendricks dodges all charges of outraging public decency by stunning all law enforcement officials within thirty yards with an ambient, impenetrable cloud of pure zafitg sex. (But she's guilty. So, so guilty.)
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Even better story in newsok.com is this guy
165 lb man blows a 0.34 during the middle of the afternoon. This guy thinks Austin Box needs to learn more self control.
No fair, brah
So, I clicked the link to see Christina Hendricks in that cloud of pure zaftig, and got re-directed back to the Austin Box story. Imagine my disappointment.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
whaaaaaaaaa?
Dammit, I just bought that monocle last week—all I saw was “Christinia Hendricks” and “box.”
You're a good man.
"I like the taste of danger most of all." - Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on Feb 15, 2010 5:05 PM EST up reply actions
Danke schon.
And on a related note, I’ve begun hating the guy from Super Troopers who licks the partition and says “The snozberries taste like snozberries” a lot more recently.
It's a funny name.
by Turd Ferguson on Feb 15, 2010 5:17 PM EST up reply actions
Austin was...
…frightened and confused by our modern ways.
He was in a cave. You always go outside the cave to take a leak.
I think the Norman cops need some sensitivity training of Geico proportions.
not drunk, just overserved
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Feb 15, 2010 5:05 PM EST reply actions
Technically, it's the OKC cops...
…since Skyy bar is in Bricktown.
Besides, everybody knows Norman is Dusty’s turf.
by Billy Sims' Fro on Feb 15, 2010 6:01 PM EST up reply actions
Outraging Public Decency
Now that’s a charge to be proud of.
But hey, who here hasn’t done a couple orbits around Venus at least once in their life?
Brian Kelly says no Burger King at 3 AM.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Feb 15, 2010 5:09 PM EST reply actions
No bonus points?
public urination charges should always get a bonus point because nothing says “sassy” like pissing wherever you damn well please
box actually should be considered for 2 bonus points – one for the general gusto of public urination, and another for pissing in one of those terrible OKC bars which tries to emulate the Dallas brand of $30K-millionaire douchery (Oklahoma City—It’s Like Dallas…with Better Meth!)
Christina Hendricks is on the cover of New York Magazine.
And I think this post should recognize it.
Skyy bar huh?
I dont usually associate skyy bar with public urination, I woulda thought the more grimy and bar-ish place tapworks was where it had happened. thats just from personal experience, also any okie worth his salt knows you wait until you are out of sight of the police around the corner of the baseball stadium in bricktown before you either piss or throw up on said stadium. He should have to run hills for his disregard of bricktown tradition.
That's what that canal's for, right?
As long as the boats have quit running for the night.
by Billy Sims' Fro on Feb 16, 2010 12:57 PM EST up reply actions
I don't see the problem here
He was told “he had to go.” He went. End of story.
I hate to break out the Nuremberg defense here, but he was only following orders.
Go 'Dawgs!
Skyy bar?
I’ve never been to Norman, but I have been kicked out of Sky bar in Auburn on a number of occasions. But around here everyone knows that you go to Bourbon Street if you want to pee on things and not have anyone even blink an eye. Stupid indians can’t handle your fire water.
I'm with Okiedomer - this is an outrage
C’mon, that’s gotta be worth more than a parking ticket. When’s the last time you saw a guy pee on a barstool? And “outraging public decency” has got to be more than your basic FndC charge.
Bonus point
He decided while being thrown out of a Bar to take his revenge by urinating on the Bar Stools toward the front door.
IMO, that kind of brass is deserving of a bonus here.
Go Bulls!
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