JOEPA WITHOUT HIS GLASSES. YOU ARE NOT PREPARED

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Joe Paterno without glasses is so completely wrong, but we totally understand the impulse to both fix your vision and to keep the glasses. We've had glasses so long the skull has sort of grown around them, which is pretty cool since there's custom-fit notches behind the ear and everything now. Breaking a new pair in does take some cranial sanding, but shit, that's just an afternoon with you, some clamps, a tub of novacaine, and a belt sander if you're the DIY sort. 

What does suck is being half-blind, which in our case comes in the form of a half-developed left eye that has half the vision of the right. This means we're halfway to an eyepatch or to the superior Archangel arrangement, but not blind enough to merit just covering the eye, and that's still closer to UNBEARABLE COOLNESS than any of you perfect sighted people will ever be. 

And yeah, go ahead and gloat about that thing you inherited and did nothing to earn, well-sighted people. Dicks. "I wouldn't know about that, since my vision's perfect!" All the better to see the back of our hands, bitches, provided you stand close enough for us to see you. No, really stay there. 

Anyway, seeing Joe Paterno without his glasses has seared itself in our brains, mostly because all we see is this: 

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via charlieballard.typepad.com


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