RECRUIT CHOOSES AUBURN FOR ITS AVANT-GARDE THEATRE SCENE
by Spencer Hall on Feb 1, 2010 3:54 PM EST
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PrintJeff Whitaker, the number four rated player in the AJC's top 50, committed to Auburn today after deciding Auburn would be a better place for him to both play football and pursue his passion for avante-garde performance art.
"Yeah, those Georgia guys were on me pretty good, and Miami are good people. Randy Shannon will have them back to the top in no time at all. But when it came to understanding my place in a 4-3 defense and my love for post-structuralist, confrontational performance art, Auburn just blew me away on both counts."
Whitaker was reportedly enchanted by several aspects of Auburn's recruiting.
"Seriously, they showed up in a white limousine on a recruiting tour, which was a brilliant nod to the very plasticky, consumerist, almost Dallas-y decor I like to use as the backdrops in my pieces. It juxtaposes nicely with the earthy realist elements of the body work I do in my pieces, especially Raging Fudgeburner, my award-winning piece where I set kerosene soaked steel-wool on fire while reciting The Secret in front of a huge picture of Neve Campbell. It's about success."
"Additionally, Coach Chizik and the coaches were just real cool, and called me all the time and stayed in touch."
Whitaker was bowled over by Auburn's facilities and the town itself, factors he said definitely weighed in Auburn's favor.
Miami's nice, but you know, Auburn had this whole Mayberry meets Truman Show thing going on. Their commitment to theatre is clear, because you can't live like that without a serious commitment to the role. Not having a Sephora or an Apple store? Really, that's sacrifice for art, something I understand deeply after living in Warner-Robins all these years for my art.
They also took me to a titty bar, and that was nice.
Whitaker bolsters an Auburn class ranked fourth in the country by Rivals.com, something Holland Cotter, NY Times art critic, calls "Chizik's boldest masterpiece yet in Neo-Dadaism, and a feat putting him on the heels of the region's great master of meaningless but provocative art, Baton Rouge's Les Miles."
ps. We have no idea how Gene Chizik is recruiting like this.
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You know what they say
If it ain’t baroque, don’t fix it.
Thank you, I’ll be here all week!!!
/Only art joke I know/
That's a compliment?
“Randy Shannon will have them back to the top in no time soon”
Um, you might want to check your syntax there, buddy. Unless that’s what you meant to say.
"Cold Harbor is neither" - Schnitzel
Bah
The snobs at NDNation are currently freaking out about Brian Kelly’s provocative minimalist recruiting class.
Of course, Charlie Weis’s masterpieces of throw-shit-at-the-wall-and-see-what-sticksism didn’t exactly make it to the Louvre.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Feb 1, 2010 4:14 PM EST reply actions
Presenting
“A Post-Modernist Study in the Failure of the Screen Pass.” My over-active imagination sees Charles le Grande in a beret.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Feb 1, 2010 8:59 PM EST up reply actions
here's hoping
that BK’s post-modern functionalism provides a better result. “Oooh Shiny” we could all say at the viewing of the 4* & 5* works Weis produced each February, but come November they were covered up with a drop cloth and out in the storage shed. I’ll take the beauty of a 3* molded into a Offensive Tackle box, reliable Center piece or Defensive End table, something that can be appreciated not just for its aesthetic appeal, but presumably because it DOES something. Please, BK…no more James Aldridge’s.
by Kelly's Gyros on Feb 1, 2010 10:39 PM EST up reply actions
Any chance Jimmah Clausen was driving that white lomo?
"I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach." - W. C. Fields
by W.C. Fields' Nose on Feb 1, 2010 4:19 PM EST reply actions
I doubt it.
“Drivin’ while lookin’ like one o’ them homo-sexuals what with the hair pomade” is a very serious offense in Alabama.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Feb 1, 2010 4:33 PM EST up reply actions
“Mark Whipple writes some really turbulent stuff. But that department’s really focused on exploring more atmospheric forces through spacial exercises, which, though it certainly characterizes our time and presents us with an apt metaphor for our changing world, just isn’t Duchampian enough for my own inclinations. I like props, but Allen Bailey trying to capture a cloud in a jar labeled ‘SKY MALLOWS’ just doesn’t cut it.”
by The Great Barstoolio on Feb 1, 2010 4:19 PM EST reply actions
Auburn is like a Thomas Kinkade painting.
I'm Banana dammit!!!
by BurritoBrosShits on Feb 1, 2010 4:41 PM EST reply actions
… you know, but without the light and colors and stuff. Or maybe a print after it’s been hanging in an Opelika mill-village shotgun with a few years of cigarette tar patina.
by NCT on Feb 1, 2010 4:44 PM EST up reply actions
Yeah, well, whatever
Best o’ luck on the Plains, Jeff. The Classic City will get over it.
Meanwhile, Georgia Women’s Tennis 2010 Recruiting Class Ranked No. 1, so suck it, all y’all!
It just goes to show...
we plainsmen can come up with some truly awesome art after spending all day huffin’ cow urine.
by Terry Bowden's Shoe Lifts on Feb 1, 2010 5:01 PM EST reply actions
the titty bar is undefeated in recruiting
it’s an undisputable fact of life, really
by ramblingamblinjohn on Feb 1, 2010 5:21 PM EST reply actions
I hope Chiziks masterpiece..
ends with him cutting both ears off after Bama beats him in Ttown this year…..I say 2011 will be the most evenly matched Iron Bowl in a long time since we will be rebuilding after half the team goes to the NFL, most as Jr’s..and that will prob be Sabans last yr…and we will thank him for it…
by mrpelicanpants on Feb 1, 2010 5:42 PM EST via mobile reply actions
Yeah well...
Jean-Michel Basquiat committed to Arkansas and we all know how that turned out.
(I kid, Jeff…. best of luck 11 games a year.)
"I Run This State." - Washaun Ealey and Caleb King
While it is provocative (eg, it pisses me off) Miles’ oeuvre is so self-contained and self-referential that it defies critique. His latest work, entitled I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing or Ole Miss 2009, departs from that his usual hermetics in seeking to elaborate on the suicide by cop or victim precipitated homicide motif he began exploring in 2008 with the Troy, LA Tech, UF, UGA, Ole Miss, and Arkansas games as way of revealing the absurdity of college football. Rumors are that his next piece will involve him tatooing the language of his buyout clause on Joe Alleva’s face and urinating on Mike the Tiger before being mauled to death in front of the Hungry Tiger. LSU fans eagerly await this exciting new piece and look forward to delving its meaning with whatever coach they can find to replace Miles. Chizik’s work is a little underdeveloped at this point, but his devotees have enjoyed his early renderings of morality as it relates to victory.
by haveagreatday on Feb 1, 2010 6:14 PM EST reply actions 4 recs
Oh god! Auburn is recruiting well! What will I do!?!?!
Oh, wait
I got Nick Saban coaching my team
January 7th, 2010: the day I went from being a delusional obnoxious Alabama fan to being an obnoxious Alabama fan
I think you're missing the point
It doesn’t matter Auburn is recruiting well. They have Chizik as their coach.
It never gets to be easy
by chitownhawkeye on Feb 1, 2010 8:14 PM EST up reply actions
wait
did you just use your coaches abysmal win/loss record to talk trash?
January 7th, 2010: the day I went from being a delusional obnoxious Alabama fan to being an obnoxious Alabama fan
by Wallacewade04 on Feb 2, 2010 8:52 PM EST up reply actions
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PfvpnnuaZa8
i suck at this
by Kevin@LSU 2.0 on Feb 1, 2010 10:24 PM EST up reply actions
Query
Has anyone seen the latest installation by that master of art brut, the Orgeron?
I believe he calls it “Foobagood”.
Titty Bar?
I wish we took our recruits to titty bars, that would mean there was one in or around Auburn, instead we have to drive about 45 minutes to Columbus. It is one of the few downsides to life on the plains. Yall joke, but this place is awesome. Its a nice town in one of the prettiest parts of the state and a great looking campus. plus it has one of the best looking and ‘friendliest’ student bodies in the country.
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