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We're playing this as hard as we can for you right now, Dave Wannstedt. You can't leave us: not...

We're playing this as hard as we can for you right now, Dave Wannstedt. You can't leave us: not now, not when we've only begun to appreciate your ability to coach any team, no matter how talented or lacking, into a uniform 8-5ish mess. Not when we've only just begin to appreciate your sly cock of the hip, your befuddled glances, your bitch punting on 4th and 1 on the opponent's 35 yard line. It's all just starting to make sense to us. Of course, when the Hurricanes hire you as their next head coach, this will all come back to us in a heartbeat, and thus open up the only man to properly follow up Wannstedt: DICK JAURON. You know it's inevitable, and therefore need to prepare yourself for it while you can.

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