THE CURIOUS INDEX, 12/3/2010

WE CAN'T WAIT FOR THE COACH WHO USES "YOU CAN'T BRING ME DOWN" BY SUICIDAL TENDENCIES AS THEIR DOOMED BANQUET SONG. We're not necessarily sold on the idea of firing Rich Rodriguez, especially given some of the extremely persuasive statistical arguments made over at MGoBlog re: the offense and the overall value Rodriguez has brought to the team. However, two very damning pieces of evidence are stacked against him, pieces of evidence no amount of equivocation can budge.

1. He hired Greg Robinson as his defensive coordinator,

2. He "blasted Josh Groban" at the team's banquet last night, and we do not mean he spent a large amount of time excoriating the man, his music, and his profoundly silly hair (though this would have been spectacular and spectacularly demented, too.)

He said he had found some solace in the lyrics of the Josh Groban song "You Raise Me Up."

He read the first verse of lyrics aloud.

"This may seem kind of cheesy or sappy or what have you, but I’ve been listening to it the last few weeks, and it kind of fits the mood of what we’re in right now," Rodriguez said.

Speakers in the ballroom then played the song for the team’s 21 departing seniors and several hundred others gathered in the ballroom.

It's not an NCAA violation, but dammit Freep, if you want a fireable offense, that's it. We're sure rivals will maintain a respectful distance from this man's moment of public disintegration and not---

You Raise Me Up, Rich Rod (via MrChappySinclair)

---or, yeah, they'll do that.

YOUR GUT IS SMARTER THAN YOU ARE AND THAT IS NOT SURPRISING. Mike Stoops wanted to go for two on the final PAT of overtime, the one that Alex Zendejas would ultimately miss to lose 30-29 to Arizona State and take the formerly 7-1 Arizona Wildcats and complete their long tumble to 7-5. Mike Stoop is admitting his alimentary canal is smarter than he is, but if it's just as vocal as he is on the sidelines you never, ever want to sit in an enclosed space with him. (A Wall Street Journal article will come out next week revealing that Mike Stoops passes gas 51% more often than Bob Stoops, but that when Bob does it--usually in December or January--it will drop the lashes from your eyes and kill small pets.)

Meanwhile, Arizona State finishes at 6-6 and will have to apply for a waiver to become bowl eligible due to their deplorable out-of-conference scheduling. (We always knew they were a closet SEC school.)

CAM CAM CAM CAM CAM. The NCAA's statement yesterday about fixing the Cam Newton loophole just made things looks worse than they already did, and that's a shade of badness just south of "irreparably incompetent." A quote with some necessary editing thrown in for clarification: 

"We recognize that many people are outraged at the notion that a parent or anyone else could 'shop around’ a student-athlete and there would possibly not be repercussions on the student-athlete’s eligibility. But that's totally what just happened. As the engineers at Chernobyl said: "My bad OW OW RADIOACTIVE STEAM--"

I’m committed to further clarifying and strengthening our recruiting and amateurism rules so they promote appropriate behavior by students, parents, coaches and third parties. But until we do: go crazy, skeezy middlemen of the universe.

Jim Delany and Larry Scott are concerned, since it means they get to point at the SEC and scream "unclean!" in a public matter, and because it is actually a legitimate problem with horrendous consequences for college football as a whole. Scott is placed to the side here, and we now proceed from this perfectly legitimate point brought by a thoughtful Big Ten commissioner to reminding you that Jim Delany rapes lab rats for fun and calls it science.

NO ONE KNOWS WHO THE COACH IS AT COLORADO FORMALLY. But it will likely be former CU assistant and current Redskins assistant Jon Embree, and Eric Bienemy could be along for the ride as a coordinator. As Bill McCartney noted so maladroitly yesterday, Embree is black, and part of the hire could be a focus on reestablishing recruiting strength in Southern California and other urban areas of the West Coast, the same formula McCartney's teams used in the 80s and early 90s and one that makes a lot of sense given the Buffaloes impending move to the Pac-10. No news of Embree's opinions on homosexuals and recycling, but he could kill two birds with one stone by saying "I like Tyler Perry in everything he's ever done, actually." 

LIVING THE DREAM. Mike Locksley is coming back for a third year either because UNM is too broke to buy him out, or because they just want to see what happens in year three of Punching Mike's epic turn at New Mexico. Prediction: PAIN. /mikelocksleypunchesoutmascotbetsgettheminnow

THIS IS AN UNFORTUNATE HEADLINE. But "getting physical with Beavers" certainly will increase our presence in the all-important internet porn market.

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