TEMPLE FOOTBALL DIVES INTO THE ADDAZIO ERA
by Spencer Hall on Dec 22, 2010 4:05 PM EST
Email
Print
The Divemaster has accepted the Temple job, officially ending the reign of terror in Gainesville of the Addazio-bone, the least potent attack to appear in Gainesville since the Charley Pell era, a one man offensive desertification campaign that took fertile green pastures and lay them to waste with the touch of a diving finger, a blood disorder preventing the cells from absorbing Vitamin TD, an inflexible clodhopper bent on running the same four plays like a dog running through its array of tricks until it gets a treat, a bolus stuck in the intestines of Florida's offense preventing the passage of fertilizing yardage through the system to feed our beds of touchdown flowers, the stammering bald-pated sound bite machine who rode the words "lack of execution" like he rode the dive play on first down, a mule butting its head slowly against the same wall for months on end hoping oats popped out of the plaster...
Screw it. DANCE PARTY IS WHAT WE NEED HERE WOOOOO HE'S GONE---
In all fairness, and as we've said before, the man has his strengths. He's sturdy! He looks like Sergeant Slaughter! He can recruit like a motherfucker, especially in the Northeast! He's great to go out drinking with because he knows all the good DIVES! He was put in an untenable position by Urban Meyer, who asked him to be offensive coordinator and line coach while recruiting and serving as his proxy on numerous occasions with the public. in response, a sane person would have said, "No, I need some help with this," but like chefs, workaholics with zero self-awareness, and Greg Louganis, he just DOVE right in and took the Florida offense into the deep end with him.
Is he to blame for this? Yes, and no, and yes, and then no again before a yes. He's now Temple's problem and asset, and we wish him the best of luck and please oh God don't ever touch our football team again ever these are our no words and you will listen to them. This is a real glass of cheap champagne raised at 4:01 p.m. in our kitchen.
It's over alleluia amen shantih shantih shantih.
126 comments
|
0 recs |
Do you like this story?
Comments
Lane Kiffin thinks this is high quality upward failability
"We may have to retire this feature, because the final story in this post will never be topped for sheer Spicy Livin' outside of the silver screen or our own imaginations."
by Silver Britches on Dec 22, 2010 4:09 PM EST reply actions
Cheap champagne in a martini glass
That looks suspiciously like gin.
At 4pm.
Been there.
Everyday, motherfucker
It’s the life.
Ah! Jamaica!
I don't have time for any of this... and yet... here I am.
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Dec 22, 2010 4:30 PM EST up reply actions
Like SBMWV? Try PegPelvisPete! The same great taste of SBMWV w/50% more snark & just 140 characters per serving!
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Dec 22, 2010 4:11 PM EST reply actions 5 recs
This needs to be green
How has no one thought of this before? Or maybe they have and I just completely missed it.
"Another day in which to excel" ~ Erk Russell.
by AUTigerGSUEagle on Dec 23, 2010 3:08 AM EST up reply actions
I'd rec myself
but it’s bad for my health.
Like SBMWV? Try PegPelvisPete! The same great taste of SBMWV w/50% more snark & just 140 characters per serving!
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Dec 23, 2010 7:30 PM EST up reply actions
Wow 2 out of 3
but like chefs, workaholics with zero self-awareness, and Greg Louganis, he just DOVE right in and took the Florida offense into the deep end with him
Does this mean I’m 2/3rds Addazio?!?! NOOOOOOOOO
"Ah, that's repulsive, that's repugnant, that's recorrigible, that's retragnicent. These aren't even words. These aren't even wo...what am I saying, I don't even know. I can't go on, I can't go on anymore, make it stop." ~ Puppet Michael Floyd
by stempke on Dec 22, 2010 4:13 PM EST reply actions 2 recs
Considering you eliminated "workaholics with zero self-awareness" by being self aware...
…you’re Greg Louganis?
by The Commenter Formerly Known as Not You on Dec 22, 2010 4:32 PM EST up reply actions
I was once quite lacking in self awareness
and my workaholic-ness damn near killed me
"Ah, that's repulsive, that's repugnant, that's recorrigible, that's retragnicent. These aren't even words. These aren't even wo...what am I saying, I don't even know. I can't go on, I can't go on anymore, make it stop." ~ Puppet Michael Floyd
Worst since the Pell administration?
I present to you “Lynn Amadee”
from Wiki – In 1988 he became offensive coordinator under head coach Galen Hall at the University of Florida,1 where he drew criticism for his strategy to use sophomore running back Emmitt Smith as a "decoy". 1988 was Smith’s only season with less than 1,000 yards rushing
In 1999, Amedee left the collegiate ranks, taking over head coaching duties at Opelousas High School in Opelousas, Louisiana.
Now that isn’t running a toll booth in the Panhandle bad, but it’s close.
Also Goff's strategy re: Terrell Davis I believe.
"We may have to retire this feature, because the final story in this post will never be topped for sheer Spicy Livin' outside of the silver screen or our own imaginations."
by Silver Britches on Dec 22, 2010 4:18 PM EST up reply actions
So...
Addazio is going to open a chicken finger franchise?
I don't have time for any of this... and yet... here I am.
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Dec 22, 2010 4:34 PM EST up reply actions
And let us not forget
‘twas Lynn Amedee’s offensive aptitude that gave birth to the strategy, “Fuck this lead we have, I think Jamie Howard should just keep throwing the ball deep into the Auburn secondary, because he is a capable quarterback, and not a mediocre minor-league pitcher masquerading as a tackling dummy.”
This is horrible.
What on earth did those poor Owls do to deserve this? I mean, besides that whole Cosby thing.
My new blog: Those Other Guys. Critiques welcome.
Disapproving owl disapproves
"Ah, that's repulsive, that's repugnant, that's recorrigible, that's retragnicent. These aren't even words. These aren't even wo...what am I saying, I don't even know. I can't go on, I can't go on anymore, make it stop." ~ Puppet Michael Floyd
So what I've gleaned from all this is...
…you don’t like Steve Addazio?
Dean of Auburn Institute for Exploding Dog Studies
GLORY TO CTHULHU!!!
_________________
I'm Banana dammit!!!
by BurritoBrosShits on Dec 22, 2010 4:23 PM EST via mobile reply actions
holy shit, that is awesome!
Dean of Auburn Institute for Exploding Dog Studies
by Oscar Whiskey on Dec 22, 2010 4:37 PM EST up reply actions
This should be green.
Why isn’t it green?
I've got this terrible pain in all the diodes down my left-hand side.
Bradley-Terry rankings for college football and basketball: because there aren't enough computer rankings already.
Paging LSUfreek
We need Addazio in a Cosby sweater at the conning tower of the Red October, stat.
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
by blanx73 on Dec 22, 2010 4:26 PM EST via mobile reply actions
One regret
Too bad he didn’t go to Austin. He would have been great MS Paint fodder for Thujone.
spencer wants to sing-ah
about the moon-ah and the june-ah
and the spring-ah
he wants to sing-ah
Eat what the monkey eats, then eat the monkey. -U.S. Navy survival guidance
by psudrozz on Dec 22, 2010 4:32 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
rec'd
for old Warner Bros cartoon owl reference. well done, cap’n!
everybody!sorry bother your time a min,
by thetennesseethumper on Dec 23, 2010 8:56 AM EST up reply actions
Okay, I suck.
Anybody else think about the South Park episode “Cartman Gets An Anal Probe” when they read those lyrics?
(sigh) Off to YouTube to get schooled in old school animation…
Yes, I live in Starkville...WHO did I piss off in a past life?
by Queen Hoka-Hotty-Toddy on Dec 23, 2010 11:44 AM EST up reply actions
Good to be the other kind of owl today.
by Owls and Goephs and Craep on Dec 22, 2010 4:32 PM EST reply actions
Probably good to be your kind of owl most of the time
I don’t know much about Temple, but what I do know isn’t that good.
Tsk
I hate to see Spencer sporting a stem-less cocktail glass. But, it’s December, so what the hell. Who am I to rain on his parade.
Boom motherfucker, indeed.
I don't have time for any of this... and yet... here I am.
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Dec 22, 2010 4:32 PM EST reply actions
We broke all the champagne glasses.
Almost feel like that gets extra credit if you used them often enough to destroy them.
Because college football is too important to be left to the professionals.
by Spencer Hall on Dec 22, 2010 4:57 PM EST up reply actions
It does.
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
by blanx73 on Dec 22, 2010 5:00 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
Like SBMWV? Try PegPelvisPete! The same great taste of SBMWV w/50% more snark & just 140 characters per serving!
by She Blinded Me With Violence on Dec 22, 2010 4:39 PM EST reply actions 2 recs
A 5 year deal too
Holy shit.
I wonder if the firesteveaddazio.com guy is going to sell the domain to a Temple fan.
We get to have a Bobo party too,
right? All Addazio needed was an oscillation overthruster.
by Wozzo the Wonder Dog on Dec 22, 2010 4:47 PM EST reply actions
On at 5: Temple mascot inconsolable.
by SEC Supremacist on Dec 22, 2010 4:47 PM EST reply actions 8 recs
so, so rec'd
"Wer viel Bier trinkt, schläft gut. Wer gut schläft, sündigt nicht. Und wer nicht sündigt, kommt in den Himmel!" Martin Luther
That looks more like
a, “Oh, really” sips latte “I wasn’t aware we still had a football team” owl.
http://moralvictorymarginofvictory.blogspot.com/
Every Temple fan right now
"Ah, that's repulsive, that's repugnant, that's recorrigible, that's retragnicent. These aren't even words. These aren't even wo...what am I saying, I don't even know. I can't go on, I can't go on anymore, make it stop." ~ Puppet Michael Floyd
Rec'd
For the hell of it. And because I’m laughing my ass off at all of the owl meme posting going on in here. This is why I love this site. Aside from the brilliant commentary by Fearless Leader and the rest of the crew, the inventiveness in the commentariat is just astounding.
Seriously, I’m laughing so hard it feels like I’ve been…LEGARRETE BLOUNT OUT OF NOWHERE – FALCON PUNCH
/AUTigerGSUEaglefallstothefloor
"Another day in which to excel" ~ Erk Russell.
by AUTigerGSUEagle on Dec 23, 2010 3:17 AM EST up reply actions
Temple fan reaction to Addazio playbook
by SEC Supremacist on Dec 22, 2010 4:53 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
Oh, damn
You can’t see me, but I am standing in this bar and applauding.
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
by blanx73 on Dec 22, 2010 5:04 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
I do both
Sometimes I post on my blackberry, sometimes I post from the computer in my office
"Ah, that's repulsive, that's repugnant, that's recorrigible, that's retragnicent. These aren't even words. These aren't even wo...what am I saying, I don't even know. I can't go on, I can't go on anymore, make it stop." ~ Puppet Michael Floyd
Crackberry + bar
=Profit!
Ah, ah, ah, a pirate first with a lawyer's wasted education, and himself bound by the fiendish ties of a legal disputation.
by blanx73 on Dec 22, 2010 7:45 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
If you look
you’ll see “by blanx73 on Dec 22, 2010 5:04 PM EST via mobile”
/justbeinghelpful
My new blog: Those Other Guys. Critiques welcome.
Am I correct in assuming the Maker's bottle on top of the fridge
1) is already empty due to the stress leading up to today, or
2) is fixin’ to be destroyed in celebration.
Either way, congrats on cutting the albatross loose. May he hire Rich Olson as OC and they live a long, happy life together in sunny Philadelphia.
Wasn't owl infestation a big problem on Futurama?
by Wozzo the Wonder Dog on Dec 22, 2010 5:18 PM EST reply actions
OFFICIAL TEMPLE HIRING COMMITTEE
(Already posted on the other thread, but fuck it )
by Birds of War on Dec 22, 2010 6:31 PM EST reply actions 1 recs
finally home...
…ready to celebrate, but there’s only cheap scotch and Midori in the cabinet. SCOT’S GREEN TURFBUILDER (motto: “Repair a season’s dive-damage.”)
What if... (this might sound crazy)
he develops the good sense to allow his OC to call plays and teach the system, and recruits well (which he has done before)?
In the history of college football, no player, no coach, no guru, compares with [Les] Miles’s masterful incorporation of applied chaos theory and time relativity into strategic game planning. Simply put, the man is on another level. A level many don’t or can’t understand. Genius.
then he will be successful
by temple standards, at least. he is one hell of a motivator and recruiter.
At war with the concept of the Venn Diagram
by Bourbon_Meyer on Dec 22, 2010 7:00 PM EST up reply actions
he gave a pump up speech
at a booster dinner this summer. a friend was in attendance and recorded the speech on his phone. i was ready to run thru a brick wall after listening – and he was only talking about how good we were going to be this year.
but yea, i never saw that side of him on the sidelines during games. dont know if he just went catatonic at the starting whistle or what.
At war with the concept of the Venn Diagram
by Bourbon_Meyer on Dec 22, 2010 7:12 PM EST up reply actions
He wouldn't be the first HC to mask his own deficiencies with good coordinators and good recruits
See Chizik, Gene and Meyer, Urban (Once Strong and Mullen left he couldn’t hack it)
/blatant trolling
"Ah, that's repulsive, that's repugnant, that's recorrigible, that's retragnicent. These aren't even words. These aren't even wo...what am I saying, I don't even know. I can't go on, I can't go on anymore, make it stop." ~ Puppet Michael Floyd
I think the go-to at this point would have to be Dan Hawkins.
How’d the Mayo business go for you and the recipient?
Went well, so far so good
I got a cool cane and some painkillers. Maddy’s doing well, she hates the anti-rejection meds, but if that’s the only problem we have, then we’re doing great
"Ah, that's repulsive, that's repugnant, that's recorrigible, that's retragnicent. These aren't even words. These aren't even wo...what am I saying, I don't even know. I can't go on, I can't go on anymore, make it stop." ~ Puppet Michael Floyd
That's awesome!
In the history of college football, no player, no coach, no guru, compares with [Les] Miles’s masterful incorporation of applied chaos theory and time relativity into strategic game planning. Simply put, the man is on another level. A level many don’t or can’t understand. Genius.
Regarding Urbz
I think it’s pretty clear he did have some deficiencies, as most coaches do. He was a great recruiter, had some very good coordinators, and had a good strength and conditioning program set up. You have all of those things working together, you’ll be considered a great coach. When the pieces started to come apart, we saw a big difference in the team.
That being said, for his time at Florida anyway, I find his offensive strategy to be usually too conservative, and it’s clear he became somewhat over reliant on certain players to carry the team.
He's got assistant who are running bowl eligible programs at 4 (?) schools right now
All seem to be just fine without Urbz, but he struggled mightily without them
"Ah, that's repulsive, that's repugnant, that's recorrigible, that's retragnicent. These aren't even words. These aren't even wo...what am I saying, I don't even know. I can't go on, I can't go on anymore, make it stop." ~ Puppet Michael Floyd
I'd say it was partly his health problems coming into play
And Addazio sucking something fierce, but yeah, Strong and Mullen were great coordinators, and without Dan we got to see an offense that was right back to Urbz conservative Ohio football roots. Ball control, good special teams, and the occasional big play out of nothing is not really the type of offense I like the best.
Not just Mullen and Strong
Whittingham was his OC in Utah before Urbz moved on, and his offenses have looked pretty damn good.
"Ah, that's repulsive, that's repugnant, that's recorrigible, that's retragnicent. These aren't even words. These aren't even wo...what am I saying, I don't even know. I can't go on, I can't go on anymore, make it stop." ~ Puppet Michael Floyd
If I took each of your sous chefs
and opened my own restaurants with them, they’d be decent restaurants, no? But not as good as yours. How would the first few nights go after they’d left? Would you be any less of an exec chef for the messups that went on those nights?
At war with the concept of the Venn Diagram
by Bourbon_Meyer on Dec 22, 2010 8:01 PM EST up reply actions
CATCH ANYTHING???
At war with the concept of the Venn Diagram
by Bourbon_Meyer on Dec 22, 2010 7:16 PM EST up reply actions
Not yet, but fishing is a waiting game
"Ah, that's repulsive, that's repugnant, that's recorrigible, that's retragnicent. These aren't even words. These aren't even wo...what am I saying, I don't even know. I can't go on, I can't go on anymore, make it stop." ~ Puppet Michael Floyd
I think a huge part of success as a head coach
is the ability to recognize your own deficiencies and hire people who can compensate for them.
In the history of college football, no player, no coach, no guru, compares with [Les] Miles’s masterful incorporation of applied chaos theory and time relativity into strategic game planning. Simply put, the man is on another level. A level many don’t or can’t understand. Genius.
Dear Temple,
Everyone knows what your new offense will be like now: dive, dive, dive, punt.
Now that Brad Childress is gone, the BCS needs to follow.
First Kiffykins, now Addazio...
When did college football abandon a merit-based system and dive into lockstep?
if kiffin is where we're setting the bar
Addazio will DIVE right over it.
Get it? a dive joke. What? they’re getting old? DAMNIT I’M ALWAYS LATE TO THE PARTY.
At war with the concept of the Venn Diagram
by Bourbon_Meyer on Dec 22, 2010 7:15 PM EST up reply actions
Meet your new OC:
Swing pass for 2 yards on 3rd and 10, hooray!
My only argument is you're stupid.
by boddagettaflyer on Dec 22, 2010 7:19 PM EST reply actions
Damn meme making typos
Sparty on. Gator done.
by SpartanGator on Dec 22, 2010 7:23 PM EST up reply actions
Plz disregard previous image
Sparty on. Gator done.
by SpartanGator on Dec 22, 2010 7:24 PM EST up reply actions 2 recs
60% of the city's 5th graders* are functionally illiterate. The first one was fine.
- In city schools. The abundant upscale private academies are doing just fine. De facto segregation FTL.
"They've just discovered a new use for sheep over there at Clemson... wool." - Lewis Grizzard
by GwinnettGamecock on Dec 22, 2010 7:39 PM EST up reply actions
Can someone give him a heads up re: a possible DC?
There’s a good one down around Lafayette County, MS…
Yes, I live in Starkville...WHO did I piss off in a past life?
by Queen Hoka-Hotty-Toddy on Dec 22, 2010 7:25 PM EST reply actions
Great OC in East Baton Rouge Parrish!
In the history of college football, no player, no coach, no guru, compares with [Les] Miles’s masterful incorporation of applied chaos theory and time relativity into strategic game planning. Simply put, the man is on another level. A level many don’t or can’t understand. Genius.
SON OF A BITCH
Roommate wants to watch his alma mater play roundball.
Any Chicago people want to go watch the game/get trashed at Peice? I’m gonna have to go over there.
the world already knows
It takes three dives to force a punt
by ben hill gryphon on Dec 22, 2010 8:06 PM EST reply actions 5 recs
Am I the only one...
…who fully appreciates just how fucking awesome that Flash Gordon reference is?
by THETexasStateUniversity on Dec 22, 2010 8:29 PM EST reply actions
No - it's a fantastic reference
With all the “Time to Dive” references on this site over the past couple months, this may be the best (or at least, the most wonderfully, geekily obscure). The Flash Gordon movie is hard to top in awesome cheesiness — Queen’s theme song can not be beat.
Here’s the clip for newbies:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxaVxF1D0XM#t=5m11s
May Addazio be as successful as the Hawkmen (with less death by lasers) .
The reply button is not working on my BB.
So I’ll preface by saying this is directed to Bourbon Meyer. I can’t believe you acknowledged my blatant trolling, then allowed yourself to get caught in the net
"Ah, that's repulsive, that's repugnant, that's recorrigible, that's retragnicent. These aren't even words. These aren't even wo...what am I saying, I don't even know. I can't go on, I can't go on anymore, make it stop." ~ Puppet Michael Floyd
Golden to Addiazio???
that’s like going from fillet mignon to a pop-tart
by Ron Zook Owes Me a Liver on Dec 23, 2010 6:42 AM EST reply actions
C'mon people, it's the MAC
Not like Addazio has to split the atom to win there.
Miami's new guy
Never even got his own division.
by ChocolateCity on Dec 23, 2010 11:10 PM EST via mobile up reply actions
Comments For This Post Are Closed
Secondary Sidebar
User Tools
FanPosts
Community blog posts and discussion.
