THE CURIOUS INDEX, 11/8/2010

THERE'S A TIGER IN THE BATHROOM (AND A COACH.) 

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Call that tiger Drake Nevis, and note that if you're looking for William Vlachos, he's in the process of moving through the tiger's small intestine and the moment, and should be processed completely by the end of the day. Roll Bama Roll is dead right: Drake Nevis is playing as well at tackle as anyone in the nation followed very, very closely by Nick Fairley of Auburn, a team Alabama just happens to play soon. (Please note that Nick Saban in this gif processes his own waste matter, because he literally does not have time for this shit.)

GET HIM A CHILD-LEASH. Kirby Smart needs one of those flexible child-anchoring leashes, or perhaps an invisible fence and shock collar.

"IT'S LIKE BEING INSIDE A DRUM." They know a three point win over a Sun Belt team is inevitable this coming week, but this will, for the moment, be more than enough for LSU fans.

AND WITH THAT ALABAMA LOSS THAT GIVES GREG MCELROY HIS EVER-INCREASING LOSS TOTAL SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL: Alabama''s loss sporked open the BCS ever-so-slightly, as did TCU's perfunctory annihilation of Utah at home. (Further proof that when you [COLOR]-out for a game, you ride with the devil's own platoon of loss-enabling hell-weasels. Wait, whaa--)  TCU is now third, which gets them even closer to a spot in the national title game a satisfying berth in a conciliatory spot in a BCS bowl game NOT named the BCS Title Game.The Oregon Death Star remains in first after disintegrating Washington, something the Huskies AD took in stride and with great class.

DOMINIQUE EASLEY IS ON A VACATION OF SORTS. The blue-chip recruit did not travei with Florida to Vandy, and is not part of the team "for a lot of reasons," per Meyer. This allowed Sharrif Floyd to see significant playing time, and in short: we were afraid--not for Floyd, but for Larry Smith, because Floyd destroyed his blockers at the point of attack. He looked like Omar Hunter, but with the deep burning hatred for his fellow man all defensive tackles really need to be successful.) Translation for Rivals: YEAH PAWLL THAT'S THE SECOND GUY THEY'VE HAD KICKED OFF IN TWO WEEKS I'M PRETTY SURE THIS IS THE END OF FLORIDA CALLIN' IT NOW: PETRINO WILL BE THERE NEXT YEAR. 

THIS DUDE SEEMS PRETTY CHILL. When you lose on a blocked extra point returned for two points and a late field goal to Wyatt DERP, sometimes people post frank Youtube videos about you and their low opinion of your football skills.

QB FORCE [LAZER NOIZE] Tate Forcier is a polite young man, and apologizes to people he runs over (he doesn't know the power of his QB FORCE [LAZER NOIZE}, but he needs to apologize most to the poor drive chart program, which he, Michigan, and Illinois flat busted wide open on Saturday. Poor widdle drive program. *Pats hard drive*.

HE WOULD HAVE KILLED HIM IN SECONDS. Brad Childress is the stupidest fucking person in the world, because pissing off Percy Harvin only gets you dead before you can so much as whimper. 

 

BOOM OR BUST ECONOMY AND NOW THEY ARE IN THE BUST CYCLE. Texas lost both cornerback Chykie Brown on Saturday night and a football game in which Kansas State passed for NINE GODDAMN YARDS. This entire season for Texas has been one long horrible stretch of blurry nights followed by a morning/afternoon of piecing together the night through drunken sent texts.

WE'RE ALL LOST, TO BE HONEST. We haven't even really begun to figure out what the fuck happened to Colorado on Saturday, and neither has anyone else.

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