READ THIS PART: As usual, we don't write this. This guy does, so if you lose money, stop fucking emailing us about it, yeah? Thanks so much. --ed.

One and Four last week.*
Only time to think, break rocks:
Sodium chloride.

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Ohio State at Iowa, 3:35 PM ET, ABC: 

World's best three-loss team.
Heisman? Not this Number 2.
Maybe go play hoops.

Iowa +3 (8 units).

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Virginia Tech at Miami, 3:35 PM ET, ESPN:

Progress for the 'Canes:
Take away the internet,
then the forward pass.** 

Miami +2 (5 units). 

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Stanford at Cal, 3:35 PM ET, NO TV:

Good plan for the Ducks.
Scissors beat paper. Here's rock.
Stan will bust your face.

Stanford -6 (5 units)

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Nebraska at Texas A&M, 8:05 PM ET, ABC:

Aggies playing D?
College Station, not Kansas.
Where's the Game Day crew?

Texas A&M +2.5 (8 units).

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Fresno State at Boise State, FRIDAY, 9:35 PM ET, ESPN2:

Kellen, Son of Gun.
WACtion. Lay the thirty points?
Fuck it. It's Friday.


[via bubbaprog]

 

Boise State -30.5 (5 units).

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*Really 3-4.
Ever on watch, vigilant.
Don't forget to check.

**Beamerball'd

(I'm 23-29-4 (-37 units) picking this season against the spread so far here and 28-30-4 (-21 units) counting the additional picks published at Cleveland Frowns. (NOTE: One unit is one percent of your bankroll for the season.  The wagering system is explained here.  I have every expectation of turning this thing around.)