WANNA TALK ABOUT THE BOWL GAME? Let's talk about the bowl game. The bowl game. The bowl game.
That brick wall in Wrigley won't be safe Saturday from the determined forehead of Coach Redacted, who will undoubtedly demand Paul Petrino call streak routes straight through the endzone in an effort to instill toughness in his team. (Any experienced Redacted-watcher knows damn well the last thing he would ever do is urge a coordinator to call a deep pass play ever.)
SOMEONE PLEASE CHECK ON URBAN. We really don't think Urban Meyer would disclose publicly if he were going to fire or demote Steve Addazio, but--wait, we're sorry. We haven't done this yet this morning.
FIRE ADDAZIO FIRE ADDAZIO FIRE ADDAZIO FIRE ADDAZIO FIRE ADDAZIO FIRE ADDAZIO FIRE ADDAZIO
Where were we--yes, the firing/demotion thing. We doubt he'd do it publicly three weeks from the functional end of everyone's season, but if he doesn't he's a.) got only himself to blame for letting loyalty to C-grade offensive coaching talent undermine everything he's trying to do, and b.) he'll just have to keep staring at this "void" we keep hearing about, which may in fact be a porthole cut into the side of Steve Addazio's skull for easy viewing. (Playing inside: just this, on a loop, forever. As usual, Brian Blessed = sure sign of deep madness.)
THE REAL CHAMPIONSHIP TEAM IN THE STATE OF FLORIDA. The lone contender in the state may be the one who ill-advisedly chose an endangered species as their mascot.
MIAMI (AP)—The scene has essentially been the same after hundreds of Florida International football practices. The workout ends, the team kneels for a brief prayer, and the players huddle near midfield.
Then comes the yell, in unison: "Sun Belt Champs."
SUN BELT CHAMPS.
SEE, THAT'S HOW YOU FIRE A LOYAL AND INEPT OFFENSIVE COORDINATOR. Mack Brown may actually be getting rid of Greg Davis, if the divinations of Barking Carnival are correct (and they are quite often correct.)If true, it's also a further sign that palace intrigue channels have detected a greater influence of the Muschampian Party on affairs. The difference between figuring out what's going on in a D-1 football program's offices and reporting on North Korea is negligible at this point.
HAS CLAY TRAVIS MENTIONED THAT HE'S AN ATTORNEY? well, he is and it's sometimes quite handy, as in when you're reading the SEC's bylaws and figuring out that Cam Newton is a walking piece of ineligibility still toddling around the field untouched by the long arms of Mike Slive or the NCAA. We're still torn between standing agog at Auburn's Stone Cold Middle Fingers shot in all directions or admiring the go-for-broke, records-be-damned desire to finish a season undefeated regardless of the consequences.
WEEK FOUR WITHOUT A CALL TODD YOU BASTARD. Jake Locker may have been cleared to play this weekend, but the fog surrounding his heart won't clear until Todd McShay's beady eyes reappear by his bathroom window, watching him shower just like he used to in an effort to "properly scout him." COME BACK YOU FICKLE, SHARK-EYED BASTARD.
PUTTING THE BUCK IN BUCKEYES. Their spending actually came down on the year, but no one spends more money than Ohio State, with Alabama, Notre Dame, Auburn (snicker,) and Texas rounding out the top five for 2009-2010. Relative bargain: Utah only spent $9.8 mil for their football expenses last year. (All-solid unis with little expensive secondary coloring does cut down on the uniform costs.)
I'M A RAMBLIN' WRECK FROM GEORGIA TECH. And a helluva engineer/ because we're in Atlanta/ there's corpses in the shrubs....