The Metamorphosis, starring Cam Newton

One morning, when Cam Newton woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a horrible creature: an ineligible student athlete.

"What's happened to me?", he thought. It wasn't a dream. His room, a proper student-athlete room, although perhaps a little too luxurious, lay peacefully between its four familiar walls. A collection of football gear - Cam was a football player - and above if there hung a picture which had been cut out of a recent sports illustrated.

"How about if I sleep a little bit longer and forget all this nonsense", he thought, but that's something he was unable to do because he was being hounded by reporters and fans about his latest scandal. The Auburn fans, especially. Wishing him well, denying that anything at all had happened, and asking him to beat their next opponent.

"Cam? Aren't you well? Do you need anything?", they cried through his windows.

Cam answered "I'm ready, now", making an effort to remove all the strangeness from his voice. His father went back to breakfast, with a gold-plated waffle-iron and silver utensils. "Come eat, Cam!"

Cam slowly got out of bed, and ran to the door. "Don't come in! I'm... I'm not ready!"

The reporters were aghast. "Did you hear that voice? That couldn't be Cam! That was a beast!" The reporters started beating down the door, and Cam continued yelling "I'll be out in a second, just let me get ready!". As the reporters were breaking down the door, they only got more and more anxious, finding an academic scandal in the cracks. "Let us in! We need to make sure you're alright!"

Finally, Cam realized he was only delaying the inevitable. He prepared himself, and opened the door. The crowd which had gathered outside looked on, aghast at the thing he had transformed into. "It's me! I'm still Cam!". The reporters walked out in disgust, while his family and fans remained behind to look after him. "What will we do? Look at what he has become! A MONSTER!", the Auburn fans bemoaned. "For now", his father replied, "we will lock him in his room, to keep him safe".

Later that night, the Auburn fans brought him his favorite foods, Cammy Cam Juice, but it just wasn't the same. He couldn't stomach it. After a while, when the Auburn fans came back, seeing he hadn't touched it, came back with the food of mere mortals. Cam looked at it suspiciously at first, trying small amounts, but then quickly devoured it when he discovered it edible.

Time passed, and Cam stayed locked in the room. Sometimes the Auburn fans would bring in a TV, so he could see the football games he could no longer play in.

Eventually, the TV stopped coming into his room, but he could still hear the TV in the living room in which he was no longer allowed. He would press his ear up against the door, and he could faintly make out the sounds of the game. One night, the game was so beautiful, he walked into the living room, captivated by the sounds, only to find the living room had agents, scouts, and coaches. He marched on anyway, so captivated by the noises, until he was spotted.

"What is that... he's a BEAST. Must run a 4.3 40!" exclaimed one of the agents.

"Would make a hell of a tight end!" replied a scout.

The coaches, agents and scouts looked on in wonder, as the Auburn fans looked on in horror. Their embarrassment was on display. They shuffled him back into his room and locked the door.

"OUT! Get out of this house!" the Auburn fans cried.

The Auburn fans couldn't continue on like this. They had to figure out a plan. "We should get rid of him. Cam would agree, if he were here. He wouldn't want us living like this, imposing like this. If anything of him were left, he would have left on his own rather than putting us through this!"

But Cam had lost his strength, no longer able to even flash his trademark smile. The months of unending persecution had taken their toll, and he simply moved on.


(Apologies to Franz Kafka)

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