A LIST OF THINGS CAM NEWTON THROWS OUT THE WINDOW
by Spencer Hall on Oct 18, 2010 4:33 PM EDT
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"The Heisman Trophy?" Newton said. "You can throw that out the window."--Cam Newton.
1. The Heisman.
2. Hot laptop. "Been there, not cool."
3. Nick Saban's short ass. "Midget Airlines, Flight one-oh-bitchface, departing now."
4. Fluorescent light tubes. "Like the sound they make."
5. Children. "But only if there's a trampoline below, and padding surrounding it on all sides, because while Cam Newton loves throwing things out of windows, Cam Newton also loves keeping it real--real safe."
6. Pies. "A classic."
7. Paper airplanes. "Cheap entertainment in Opelika that just keeps on giving."
8. Tim Tebow. "Only because he flies out unharmed on angel's wings."
9. Jim Brown holding a copy of "Our Bodies, Ourselves." "Because I like irony and I'm a feminist."
10. A fish. "So it can pretend it's salmon, the fish all fish aspire to be."
11. A fuck. "I don't know how to do it, but science will create the first flying fuck, and Cam Newton will be the one to do it by throwing one out the window and therefore securing a Nobel for Auburn. Suck it, Myron Rolle."
12. Liquid nitrogen. "That shit's crazy."
13. Garbage can full of super balls.
14. Pat Dye. "He's cool with it as long as I drop him into a tub of Dewar's."
15. Carnies. "I can't say why, but they know. OH THEY KNOW."
16. A window. "Because can something empty really ever fall? Cam's DEEP."
17. Bobby Petrino. "Who's got the air game now, bitch?"
18. Balloons. "For the kids."
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Well, now I know what to get Cam Newton for x-mas
http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/rc/b527/
Managing Editor/Chief Lackey-And The Valley Shook THE LSU Tigers Blog of the Week for 52,136 Weeks in a Row and Counting
Okay, I give up. I'm stumped.
Whats the second letter?
"In case you're wondering what the offense should look like, that wasn't it." - Urban Meyer
There's two: "R" and "A."
Can’t figure out what that C is there for, though.
/BSG’d
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
The entire new series is on Netflix
And it’s eating up all my frakkin free time.
Weoejuwejhdjwe!
by Chekhov's Spread Gun Option on Oct 19, 2010 9:43 AM EDT up reply actions
Notice it's the Navy guys touching him
/everyoneinthenavyisapoofster
by Oscar Whiskey on Oct 18, 2010 4:49 PM EDT up reply actions
Damn deckswabbers
Bull Sullivan "Toughest Coach there ever was"
by Another damn Dan on Oct 18, 2010 11:21 PM EDT up reply actions
To be fair, he's so tall that if you reach out to shake his hand you're gonna just end up
with a handful of cock.
by TexasAUtiger on Oct 18, 2010 4:50 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
Thankfully DADT
has been halted….
The USC Cocks pay my bills but the LSU Tigers have my heart.
by Anthropologal on Oct 18, 2010 9:21 PM EDT up reply actions
But Cam will throw children out the window only to save them from a fire.
by SWRT on Oct 18, 2010 4:45 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
Always rec'n GW
a damn good American
I am not drunk, just overserved
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Oct 18, 2010 5:52 PM EDT up reply actions
awesome
this is the first college football related bit that I’ve read since Saturday night that didn’t make me cry
Excellent choice of words, Cam
Excellent choice
Do you remember that spelling bee you won in the first grade? Rock? "R-O-K"?
Also
This kid is a monster, and while I’m not giving up on Pryor or abandoning ship by any stretch, I just wish our #2 played with the same kind of energy and attitude as Auburn’s #2. That shit is infectious.
Cam is so cool....
I’m sure he throws lots of preplanned plays out the window during the game
by WahEgul on Oct 18, 2010 4:58 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
SO he had already beat out Brantley when he was at UF...but he left so he wouldn't have to sit out
and now is starting the same year he would’ve started at UF.
/bangingmyheadagainstabrickwall
And he's only a junior
/rubssaltinwounds
/burnsbutfeelssogood
by Oscar Whiskey on Oct 18, 2010 5:11 PM EDT up reply actions
Listen to his interviews
He’s gone after this year, put money on it. It’s always, “NFL this, pro football that”.
I am literally just giddy with excitement to see the look on Auburn fans’ faces when Cam leaves after one year and they realize that he took all the wins with him.
The guy is a stud no doubt, but is Auburn even .500 without him? They are fucked harder than eight bitches on a bitch boat next year.
by El Kabong!!! on Oct 18, 2010 7:56 PM EDT up reply actions
don't hate
You got julio!
I'm too drunk to taste this chicken.
by cowcollege on Oct 18, 2010 8:23 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
I'm not hating,
I just feel that Auburn is a bit overrated this year. I realize the irony with that coming from an Alabama fan, but it isn’t much different than the situation up in Michigan.
I mean, geezus, giving up 43 points to a second tier team in the SEC who played nearly their entire game with a freshman backup QB, without actually going into overtime should scare the shit out of any Auburn fan, I would think.
I will put in this last little tidbit: Bama has never had a problem stopping a running QB or any form of Wildcat formation since Saban has been there. As good as he is, I don’t know if Auburn is good enough at the other skill positions to make up for it if we take away his scrambling ability.
by El Kabong!!! on Oct 18, 2010 9:00 PM EDT up reply actions
That's a solid case.
But of course, we had already figured out that this was The Year Nobody* Was Really That Good.
(* “Nobody” may or may not include the Oregon Ducks.)
by Blog Goliard on Oct 18, 2010 9:06 PM EDT up reply actions
overrated?
We just cracked the top five after seven wins. I don’t think we’ve been overrated. Some SEC teams have been overrated but not AU.
I'm too drunk to taste this chicken.
by cowcollege on Oct 18, 2010 9:36 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
Second tier team?
You mean the same second tier team that held bama to 24 points while Auburn nearly scored 3 times that much? Right…
by Oscar Whiskey on Oct 18, 2010 10:14 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
"I don’t know if Auburn is good enough at the other skill positions to make up for it if we take away his scrambling ability."
Because no one has yet thought to take away Cam’s scrambling…
by Token White Possession Receiver on Oct 18, 2010 10:26 PM EDT up reply actions
I'm a Bama fan and that is funny
Dude is a beast. Go big boy and we will see you after Turkey day.
Bull Sullivan "Toughest Coach there ever was"
by Another damn Dan on Oct 18, 2010 11:30 PM EDT up reply actions
I would feel better if we had last years D
Maybe things will work out and everybody will be healthy for the Auburn game. We should be able to score, assuming we are in a midseason slump like last year and will break out any day now…. Gonna be a big game if we can both get by LSwhatthefuckwasthat?
Bull Sullivan "Toughest Coach there ever was"
by Another damn Dan on Oct 18, 2010 11:41 PM EDT up reply actions
Seriously?
Top to bottom, AU’s receivers are better than Bammers. You see, Darvin Adams actually plays and makes catches. He just doesn’t have the rediculous hype machine the Hoo-Lee-Oh has.
The misperception about Newton is that he is just making up this $hit as he goes. He isn’t. He is running through some huge freakin’ holes paved by four seniors on the O-line. Defenses can’t line up and stop Newton because their D-line and linebackers are getting trucked.
I don't think I've ever heard him
mention the pros. He’s always talking about the next game.
He may go and he may not. You obviously wish he would.
by Alex P in Smyrna G on Oct 18, 2010 9:42 PM EDT up reply actions
Hmmmm
Have yet to hear him mention the pros, did see an interview where his Dad said the NFL wants two years of starting experience, but the kid has never said anything about the pros.
by Mooncricket on Oct 18, 2010 10:41 PM EDT up reply actions
If Meyer had a brain he would have beat out Tebow last year
Bull Sullivan "Toughest Coach there ever was"
by Another damn Dan on Oct 18, 2010 11:24 PM EDT up reply actions
It only looks like he's throwing things
He’s actually moving the earth while the objects stay stationary -Relativity’d
I ain't got time fer nonna' yer ding-dang terr' -Charlie Prides Ghost
by ZombieJackTatum on Oct 18, 2010 5:02 PM EDT reply actions
Flight one-oh-bitchface
Unfortunately, I think I’ve taken that one before. Business travel sucks.
Et Universitatis Ohioensis delenda est!
cam newton threw my other sign out the window.
someone make that sign for gameday and write edsbs under it
by Kevin@LSU 2.0 on Oct 18, 2010 5:52 PM EDT via mobile reply actions
UGA is going to lose this weekend, but Auburn? Plainsmen know RIGHT NOW that the dream ends when they play Georgia. That’s just the way it goes.
I am not drunk, just overserved
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Oct 18, 2010 5:53 PM EDT reply actions
That's what you think.
We’re going to blow UGA 8 up as part of the halftime show. We’ve got people working on it. See the commercials, dude.
by Board Certified Scrotologist on Oct 18, 2010 6:11 PM EDT up reply actions 4 recs
Also, dude...
Somebody photoshop a styrofoam cup into the photo.
DRANK.
I am not drunk, just overserved
by Gen. Stoopnagle on Oct 18, 2010 5:54 PM EDT reply actions
Cammy Cam Juice
is the opposite of Purple Drank.
Or, it’s not, in which case, WTF would he be capable of if he weren’t on the Purple Drank?!
Bahaha...
We’ve got him at least for a few more weeks.
I don’t think most Auburn fans are under the delusion that Cam Newton is going to complete his education. It’s all good though. Why stay and risk screwing up a great pro career?
"If you are going to be underestimated by people who speak more rapidly, the temptation is to speak slowly and strategically and outwit them." --Doris Betts
by clarityincali on Oct 18, 2010 8:39 PM EDT up reply actions
Of course he isn't going to complete his education.
He’d have to sit out his final year of eligibility if he transferred.
"They've just discovered a new use for sheep over there at Clemson... wool." - Lewis Grizzard
by GwinnettGamecock on Oct 18, 2010 9:04 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
eh?
1 year at UF, 1 Year at Juco, 2 years at Auburn adds up to 4 years. How would he have to sit out to finish school?
by Alex P in Smyrna G on Oct 19, 2010 7:19 AM EDT up reply actions
Ya see it's a joke...
he’d have to transfer from Auburn to complete his edumacation because one couldn’t possibly get an edumacation there, get it?
I would not join any club that would have someone like me for a member. -Groucho Marx
by Uncle Earmuffs on Oct 19, 2010 9:39 AM EDT up reply actions
We live in an era of colorful QBs
Newton, Stanzi, Garcia, Potts ~ I’m sure there are a few more.
In the future, we will come to miss these days.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Oct 18, 2010 8:19 PM EDT reply actions
Hey, whatever
They’re all cut-rate Todd Reesings. The supply of zesty QB living is replenished every year, but there will be no more cougar-loving, puppy-kissing, bag-of-wine-chugging, flag jacket-wearing geniuses like him.
________________
STRONG LIKE BOAR
19. Leprechauns
"They've just discovered a new use for sheep over there at Clemson... wool." - Lewis Grizzard
by GwinnettGamecock on Oct 18, 2010 8:37 PM EDT reply actions 2 recs
Because he is a student of history:
20. Hapsburg Papists
"They've just discovered a new use for sheep over there at Clemson... wool." - Lewis Grizzard
by GwinnettGamecock on Oct 18, 2010 10:50 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
So the story is...
He didn’t steal the laptop. he bought it from a thief and then threw it out the window? I’m trying to figure this out but Google seems to be little help.
Is that a Dark Angel reference?
by Oscar Whiskey on Oct 18, 2010 10:09 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions
20. Wife
21. Kids
22. Husbands
….cause he rapin’ errrrrrrrrrrbody up in here
by BamaCPT on Oct 18, 2010 9:42 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Pat Dye?
If he would throw Dye from a window, he’d be the most deserving Heisman winner of all time.
"Gentlemen, it is better to have died as a small boy than to fumble this football."--John Heisman
When he grows up he wants to run a daycare center.
And I would totally send my kids to his daycare, If anyone is throwing my kids out a window, its Cam Newton.
Maybe he threw the laptop out the window...
to hide the inappropriate pics of kiddos.
by ApothecaryMark on Oct 18, 2010 11:18 PM EDT up reply actions
Well Damn it..
must now go buy a shit load of super balls…
/this is going to be awesome.
/I live on the 7th floor.
"It’s not Disneyland, people. Get the hell out of the way." NYC Firefighter
24. the I in Juice
then the manager threw it back in there.
"the funny thing is she's on the internet
just look it up yourself"
by The Pylon That Relfed on Oct 19, 2010 10:33 AM EDT reply actions
Since LSU doesn't put good players on offense, maybe he meant to say "cornerback."
LSU coach Les Miles: “If we had a guy like Cam Newton, he might be our third quarterback.” Miles is a walking malapropism.
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