WELCOME TO IWEDWAS.COM. ABC broadcaster Brant Mashbarger renamed our blog on Saturday night while the Buckeyes were busy getting overserved by the Wisconsin offensive and defensive lines.
It's close enough for government work, Brent, and since Disney and Turfman's Products for Men do have a joint power-sharing arrangement over the United States as a whole, we'll allow for the spontaneous renaming as long as a frosty adult beverage is provided for us later over discussion of those numbers that make our friends in the desert so very happy. (HT: Bubbaprog)
PERFUNCTORY LINKING OF NUMBERS TO GET REALLY EXCITED OVER NOTHING ABOUT: The BCS numbers are out, and they mean nothing yet to those who fully understand this house is burning, and that what is a firm stairwell one minute will be a pile of ashes the next. This season will devour everyone--oh, and mark our words it will--but for the moment the possibility of an obvious, controversy-free champion remains.
WE'RE NOT AT HAM (YET). No matter what Barnhart says, the wormhole is not open so long as we have undefeateds still littering the yard, and there is a very good chance we could still have two major conference undefeateds at the end including one from the SEC. (Auburn has led a charmed life, but charm is just gravy when you have the best player in college football thumping away at the Single Wing Jesus Hammerback position. Jesus Christ, Cam Newton: in a year where little makes sense, it's nice to have one constant, and that constant is you writing new chapters in the Book of Ownage every week.)
Ohio State's loss is the end for the Buckeyes' greater ambitions as long as there's an undefeated team out there to pair up against a one loss SEC or Big 12 team, meaning Oregon may get their indirect revenge on the Buckeyes by winning out in the Pac-10. Saying a Pac-10 team will come out of the round robin unscathed is equivalent to saying "Perhaps the astronauts will survive re-entry shielded only by a kiddie pool," but it's still a remote but damaging possibility for the Buckeyes.
(No one is saying this is fair to Ohio State or the Big Ten, but it does accurately describe the way voters will perceive this based on recent behavior.)
AND NOW TO THE STRANGE REGION BETWEEN DESPAIR AND RESIGNATION. For the nth week in a row: hey look Florida needs to really improve its offense and strange conspiracy theories that would result in us hating everyone involved for a very long time and seriously this doesn't happen to people who know what they're doing, Steve Addazio. It just doesn't. A bye week at least affords the possibility of not watching John Brantley run the option at the goal line on 3rd and 5 directly into the arms of a rampaging and audibly giggling defensive end.
"The game shouldn’t have been as close as it was. We had some opportunities to put that game away early, and we had some opportunities to put that game away late."
The rest of the year will just be the trite recitations of the same three lines over and over again until someone resigns and someone else arrives to perform the job the first someone could not do, along with mentions about what great coaches and people everyone involved are. (BTW: that rumor is 99% crap, and the Twitterer involved had gone the better part of a month without a peep before posting it, so it's no better than message board flatulence.)
RE: HOPELESSLY FIRED. BHGP breaks out the Bolton for Tim Brewster, freshly fired at Minnesota. His list of possible replacements is long, but Dungy's already out of consideration WE REPEAT: FOR THE 756th TIME TONY DUNGY IS NOT COMING TO MINNESOTA NOW PLEASE STOP IT AND JON GRUDEN ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE EITHER AND YOU WOULDN'T WANT HIM BECAUSE "THIS GUY" GETS REALLY OLD AFTER A WHILE.
PLEASE: Send a get-well message to Rutgers DT Eric LeGrand, paralyzed from the neck down after a hit in the Rutgers/Army game Saturday. He needs them.