THE CURIOUS INDEX, 10/12/2010
by Spencer Hall on Oct 12, 2010 11:32 AM EDT
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PrintSPEND THE WHOLE DAY IN MY DORM ROOM GETTIN' LOOOOOOOOAAADED.
First things first: let's wake and bake this morning with the Washington State Cougars, whose Jamal Atofau and another academically ineligible former Cougar were found with 38 marijuana plants in their house. In case you don't know about the pot and the reefer, that is technically speaking a Shit-Ton of weed, a unit indicating "enough to get you some hefty jailtime." On the bright side, that's a lot of plants to keep alive at once, so a promising future in horticulture awaits someone here.
ALL HAIL: The Alphabetical is up, and notes the deep irony of Andrew Luck lighting up the spearingest player on USC's defense, Shareece Wright. Bonus: ALL 26 LETTERS ARE THERE FOR ONCE. How we feed ourselves daily is one of nature's grand miracles. Also at SBNation: Holly's Next 5 looks at the teams lurking just outside of the top 25; Ms. Anderson also looks at the Heisman race; and sure, let's just make up some BCS rankings since they're just as nonsensical as the actual ones.
Oh, and This Week in Schadenfreude awards Florida the crown for the week. COMPLACENTCY.
BACK FOR FLORIDA STATE. Chris Rainey is practicing with the Gators, is not on the team, but is "working his way back onto the team" according to Urban Meyer.
"Chris will have to meet a set of conditions to become a part of our team again and although he is practicing, he will not play this weekend. The timetable for his return will depend on his ability to follow the guidelines we have laid out for him."
We're certain one of those conditions is TEXT MESSAGING DISABLED ON YOUR PHONE, because one should at least have the common courtesy to cut the little letters out of magazines and paste it to the door of your beloved yourself, man.
WE MIGHT HAVE TO SCRUTINIZE SOME THINGS. For instance, it's getting harder to find teams located below us in the offensive rankings, for instance.
BLOOOOOOOOOWS, THIS DOES. James Rodgers is out for the rest of the year with a leg injury of unspecified nature but definite impact for the Oregon State Beavers.
THAT'S STILL COACH RICK NEUHEISEL TO YOU. UCLA may have three players suspended for the Oregon game. Given UCLA's scanty chances in this game, that may be an indication that these three players are the ones Rick Neuheisel truly loves and wants to protect from the bad things in life.
SMARTNESS, OBSERVE IT. Chris has his Smart Notes up, and the inverted veer stuff is must-read quality material for those of you who wonder how Nebraska's offense went from assy to classy in a matter of a year. (Taylor Martinez helps, too.)
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Facts are fun
tOSU is 5-3 in BCS games .625
Bama is 1-2 .333
Oklahoma (the real bitches of the BCS) is 2-5 .286
Also, tOSU is the most consistent program of the last decade.
But yeah…haters gonna hate.
I wish we had more balls.
-Jim Tressel
Intervention! Intervention!
USC is 6-1 in BCS games .857
2-0 vs Ohio State
but 0-1 vs the NCAA
yay for facts!
That "one" win for Bama...
was for all the marbles….and not for 2nd place…..
Whats tOSU’s record in the BCS Championship game?
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
by mrpelicanpants on Oct 12, 2010 1:33 PM EDT up reply actions
tOSU...
has the same amount of BCS mythical championships as Bama.
Also, UTAH.
I wish we had more balls.
-Jim Tressel
Florida and LSU? Not so much.
"In case you're wondering what the offense should look like, that wasn't it." - Urban Meyer
the simply HAS to be more Big Televenelve teams that won the MNC
right?
right??
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 1:42 PM EDT up reply actions
Keep looking!
There has to be one in there somewhere.
Tennessee? Is Tennessee – what, they’re SEC too? FUCK.
"In case you're wondering what the offense should look like, that wasn't it." - Urban Meyer
MNC's?
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 1:56 PM EDT up reply actions
Mythical National Championship
Yes. The Gophers claim 6 of them.
Oh, you actually believe that a “BCS” national championship has more validity? That’s funny.
I almost forgot…Minnesota also has more bowl wins than South Carolina…but who doesn’t AMIRITE?
I wish we had more balls.
-Jim Tressel
Validity? Sure. Relevance?
Not so much. It would appear that the Gophers’ last claimed championship came exactly 50 years ago…and that’s the only one that was post-WW2.
If that’s relevant to the discussion, then you should also be demanding that the Ivy League be elevated to an AQ conference.
by Blog Goliard on Oct 12, 2010 2:02 PM EDT up reply actions
They also claim more MNCs than they have bowl wins.
That said, they’re about as relevant as Tennessee’s is right about now.
Or even Florida’s for that matter.
(too soon?)
I wish we had more balls.
-Jim Tressel
We'll give you credit whe----
GODDAMNIT ALMOST FELL FOR IT AND FED THE TROLL
by Bourbon_Meyer on Oct 12, 2010 2:16 PM EDT up reply actions
This is America, a young nation little more than two centuries old, traceable to four. While posterity is honored, it is not omnipresent as in Europe or defining as in China. We care most about what happens now, where we are headed, and how the recent past determines that course (for better or for worse).
In my life of but 22 years, my team of choice has won three national championships. By the American Experience Itself, that makes my set of Mythical National Championships the more important (relevant)!
"In case you're wondering what the offense should look like, that wasn't it." - Urban Meyer
i thought you guys were talking about recent history.
MNC’s = BCS era.
/nevermind.
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 2:08 PM EDT up reply actions
I think you meant:
MNCs ≠BCS Championship Game wins
by Blog Goliard on Oct 12, 2010 2:33 PM EDT up reply actions
i've had that wrong for a good while apparently.
/being wrong is what i’m good at
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 2:37 PM EDT up reply actions
I hate being a fan of tOSU
Did I attend tOSU? No, but I’m a lifelong C-Buser living within a mile of the Shoe, so I hope you regulars will cut me some slack.
Being a sane fan of the program, I have grown tired of Buckeyes fans trying to justify two solid beatdowns at the hands of quality SEC schools. Our guys got smoked, plain and simple. No one likes it when their school gets its collective dick kicked into the dirt, but I choose to stay loyal and accept the justified shit-talk that comes with the defeats. EDSBS is, at the end of the day, for the SEC folks. Orson and the core members of the audience are simply so good that the rest of us come around frequently and in great numbers.
Even if South Carolina had an all-time winning percentage of .300, tOSU fans would still have to concede. The Cocks embarrassed us twice in back-to-back Hall of Fame Outback Whatever The Fuck They Call It Now Bowls. While Ohio State has defeated LSU before, I’m pretty sure they’ll keep their BCS title while we talk about how great it was when Bobby Olive caught the winning TD pass in ’88.
I won’t even get into our history with Florida, Alabama, Tennessee, or Auburn.
If by some miracle we kick some SEC ass in a bowl game this year, I don’t think I’ll be talking shit at high volume. Any CFB fan could, with some justification, point at an Ohio State win over the SEC in a title game/bowl game and say the SEC is a bit down this year. And I would have to agree with them.
I don’t like Senator Tressel’s style, but I also know that most fans would kill for the success Ohio State has enjoyed the last sixteen, seventeen years. (It could be argued that three or four of John Cooper’s teams were title contenders, if not for his annual loss to an underdog Michigan team.) It’s fun when your team wins the conference title, even if said conference sucks. It’s fun to make it to the B©(S) title game, too.
But when your team gets stomped in the big games, one must take the good with the bad. There was a guy who went by The Artist Formely Known as tOSU Buckeye. Is he still around, throwing up horseshit stats in an unsuccessful attempt to change history, while making other Ohio State fans look like assholes? If not, he appears to have a twin.
by Dr. Jorge Cruz on Oct 12, 2010 2:55 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
I have no problem...
with SEC > tOSU
I do have a problem with SEC > Big 10
They are two different arguments. Although, most SEC fans use them interchangeably.
I wish we had more balls.
-Jim Tressel
I hear you, but...
does it really matter if one of our conference rivals gets the best of an SEC team in a second-tier bowl game no one gives a shit about, save for the players, alumni, and fans of the respective schools?
If I remember correctly, Michigan has a pretty good record against the SEC. Great. Have any of those wins come in a BCS title game? Does anyone care that Northwestern beat Vandy down in Nashville?
Next year, when the Big Integer is a reality, lets compare the two conferences at the end of the year. We’ll compare the two champions and work our way down to Indiana and Mississippi. I think, on a good day, we would find maybe four or five wins for our “home” conference.
No disrespect to this year’s Pac-10 model, but I just don’t see how anyone could argue that the SEC isn’t the best conference in the country. I hate typing that, but it is oh so true.
by Dr. Jorge Cruz on Oct 12, 2010 3:13 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
The Big 10 will play the SEC head to head in 3 games this year...
why not just look at how those games play out.
If head-to-head past history is any indicator, I like the Big Ten’s chances.
I wish we had more balls.
-Jim Tressel
Also...
it sounds like you buy into the argument that tOSU needs to beat an SEC team in a bowl game for validation.
That’s simply absurd.
I wish we had more balls.
-Jim Tressel
Like I said
Our team got stomped twice in the title game, leaving our fans weeping openly in the stands like bitches. That makes the Big Ten 0-2 against the SEC in BCS title games.
I don’t think I’m out of line when I say that the SEC is superior. The historical results on the field speak for themselves.
What is absurd about that?
by Dr. Jorge Cruz on Oct 12, 2010 3:59 PM EDT up reply actions
LOL...
Brah-ham…I realize you hate being a Buckeye fan but chin up there little trooper. They got beat, badly…in two games. It happens.
Florida got completely ass raped by Nebraska in a bowl. It doesn’t mean Florida is a horrible team. It doesn’t mean Florida will never be able to beat Nebraska one day.
Take a step back from the ledge man. You are a fan of one the greatest college football programs in the history of the sport. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You have nothing to apologize for.
I wish we had more balls.
-Jim Tressel
but came back to redeem themselves the following year...
also: different coach, different styles, entirely different conference. we should at least keep it in the same decade. is there a coach in the SEC today that was at the same school in ’95?
with the turnover in cfb rosters hating conferences and coaches is pretty much the only transitive thing we’ve got
by Bourbon_Meyer on Oct 12, 2010 4:09 PM EDT up reply actions
Exactly...things change.
If (yes, I know its a big if) tOSU beats an SEC team in a big bowl game it doesn’t all of a sudden mean that tOSU is a good program…that they’ve “arrived.” It’ll simply be a bowl win over a particular team.
I wish we had more balls.
-Jim Tressel
Saving this comment
until after bowl season.
I will be amazed if a SEC team makes it to the big bowl this year. But I think your attitude is correct – if you’re really an elite program, you shouldnt need to talk up the win after the fact.
by Bourbon_Meyer on Oct 12, 2010 4:40 PM EDT up reply actions
There is no ledge
My life is the same, win or lose. All I’m saying is that the Big Ten is the inferior conference at this moment in time. It doesn’t change how I root, root, root.
Pryor could be suspended for the season this afternoon, and it wouldn’t change the fact that:
1) I am rolling a joint to for immediate consumption
2) My steady chick is coming over tonight to feed me and (hopefully) fuck me
3) I will have the new Elmore Leonard book within 48 hours
4) Life is pretty swell
by Dr. Jorge Cruz on Oct 12, 2010 4:12 PM EDT up reply actions
The Big Ten is inferior because one of its team lost two games?
Solid logic.
That’s not the first joint you’ve rolled today is it?
I wish we had more balls.
-Jim Tressel
Holy Shit!
You’re right, dude. How could I forget Indiana’s 2005 win over Kentucky. The good herb has turned me into a fuckin’ idiot. Forget those title game losses.
Big Ten football, rules, you SEC bitches! Suck it!
by Dr. Jorge Cruz on Oct 12, 2010 4:41 PM EDT up reply actions
Are you actually telling me...
that the ’07 tOSU was one of the two best teams in the country that year? Really?
Let me help you a bit…ust because the BCS calls it a title game doesn’t mean those are the two best teams.
When two conferences are basically .500 against each other over a 10 year span….there is no domination.
I wish we had more balls.
-Jim Tressel
The title game isn't the only game that matters
Unless you think Conference USA was one missed free throw (and one Derrick Rose SAT) from being the best basketball conference in the nation in 2008.
You keep using that "greater than" sign.
I do not think it means what you think it means.
If SEC > OSU is a valid argument,
but SEC > Big Integer is an invalid argument,
then: either OSU is not a member of the Big Integer, or is not the strongest program therein.
Clearly the former is not true; and I’m guessing you’re not really trying to argue the latter.
Whereas if OSU > rest of Big Integer,
and SEC > OSU is a valid argument,
then: SEC fans are logically correct to use the arguments you cite interchangeably, because SEC > OSU > rest of Big Integer necessarily means SEC > Big Integer.
by Blog Goliard on Oct 12, 2010 3:18 PM EDT up reply actions
SEC > OSU doesnt make any sense
units dont match.
Thats like saying a meter > gallon.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
Absurd indeed!
Saying a meter > a gallon would be arguing that that damn foreign metric business was superior to good ol’ American units.
And certainly none of us here are the kind of pinko anti-American French-loving Commies who would argue that.
by Blog Goliard on Oct 12, 2010 4:18 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
Whoa whoa whoa
settle down with all this “calm reasoned thinking” here, bub. you might make someone’s head explode.
I personally think Tressel wins games in the style that works in his conference. he wins games. can’t hate on that. any hate i have for the program came from the build up to the 06 BCS game and then the personal treatment I received out in Scottsdale from the fans (before the game, obviously). the troglodytes I met there, i extrapolate to the whole conference and justify the hate. big10 is slow(ish) stodgy football. but it works intra-conference. as the rest of the SEC adapts to the spread teams and running qb teams that are dominating, we’ll change our defenses and probably will be less competitive out of conference. its the cycles of cfb.
I think there’s a pretty fair spread of conferences on here. Orson is UF alum but he keeps it pretty fair and points out when he’s going homer – but its his website, he can do that.
by Bourbon_Meyer on Oct 12, 2010 4:06 PM EDT up reply actions
We were pretty shitty to the Texas folks in '05
Which is too bad. I spent a week in the bars drinking with the UT people doing the early bird thing. They were great to hang with, and by most accounts were excellent hosts when we traveled to Austin.
Someone please tell me there is a less desirable fan base to be had in this country. I can’t believe we’re the worse. (I have yet to witness anyone shitting in a cooler, and I swear I haven’t done it myself.)
by Dr. Jorge Cruz on Oct 12, 2010 4:18 PM EDT up reply actions
“…cut the little letters out of magazines and paste it to the door of your beloved yourself.”
Urban Meyer described this as one of the “core values” of the Florida Gators football program. Rainey needs to rebuild a lot of trust now.
This is General Neyland’s secret 8th maxim.
by Run Home Jack on Oct 12, 2010 11:55 AM EDT up reply actions
or maybe:
“2 Dozen Krispy Kremes, or I dont show up for work. Daily”
/since retracted with the exit of the Great Pumpkin
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 1:19 PM EDT up reply actions
or perhaps:
The only appropriate getaway vehicle shall be a Prius.
"In case you're wondering what the offense should look like, that wasn't it." - Urban Meyer
Jamal should transfer to Baylor
Punch a girl during a game? No problem.
Break your girlfriend’s jaw? No problem.
Fall asleep in a Taco Bell drive thru with weed? No problem…hell, you get to be our best receiver!
Guess the only way to get in REAL trouble there is to murder someone.
by 2207 Main Street on Oct 12, 2010 11:48 AM EDT reply actions
Caleb King's brother would advise you...
That murder may or may not get you suspended for a quarter or two…but if the little light that shines on your license plate is out, well hide the women and children because all hell is about to break loose.
I keep tellin’ y’all, it’s the way of the world today. Slap on the wrist for class A felonies; death penalty for ticky-tack misdemeanors. Lack of proportion and common sense: it’s the law!
by Blog Goliard on Oct 12, 2010 12:00 PM EDT up reply actions
5. Wednesday. Criminally underrated as a day by most pollsters, and saddled unfairly with the “Hump Day” label.
What’s so sad and unfair about “Ravenous Kinky Sex Day”?
I can't figure that one out either.
"Heaven knows I like the taste of danger most of all" ~ Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on Oct 12, 2010 1:05 PM EDT up reply actions
On the bright side....
that’s a lot of plants to keep alive at once, so a promising future in horticulture awaits someone here.
Maybe they can do grad work in the Federal Pot Farm at Ole Miss. Hey, if Masoli can get a transfer, ya’ just never know.
"Heaven knows I like the taste of danger most of all" ~ Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on Oct 12, 2010 1:08 PM EDT reply actions 4 recs
^^^This
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 1:20 PM EDT up reply actions
BUT BUT BUT
Who was paying the electricity bills for those sun lamps?
Inquiring minds NCAA investigators want to know.
We'll get there when we get there.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Oct 12, 2010 1:22 PM EDT up reply actions
Its Pullman. They don't have electricity. The only artificial light to be had is from rapeseed oil lamps and cow pie kitchen fires.
This is true, and I speak with authority. My mother is a WSU alum.
"In case you're wondering what the offense should look like, that wasn't it." - Urban Meyer
sun lamps?
they were pobably on the front porch.
/hidden in plain sight
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 3:43 PM EDT up reply actions
Promising future in horticulture indeed...plus, you can't really blame them.
It doesn’t matter how much of a law-abiding, straight-edge, “Just Say No”, hip-to-be-square, “Hope not Dope” kind of person you are. Your top 10 list of “Things You Can Think Of To Do In Pullman” will still have “growing weed in your house” on it.
Probably at number eight, with a bullet.
by Blog Goliard on Oct 12, 2010 1:35 PM EDT up reply actions
Pullman police showed up at the rented house of redshirt linebacker Jamal Atofau and Andre Barrington with a completely unrelated search warrant when they found the horticulture project the players and their two roommates were involved in.
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
Sir Newton cannot help but compliment your selection and would like to ask if he might relieve you of but one or two?
"In case you're wondering what the offense should look like, that wasn't it." - Urban Meyer
I'm really curious what kind of offense we'd be running
if Cam was still around.
Probably the same retarded one we are now.
No, Addazio would be calling nothing but mid-to-long passes and threatening to bench Newton if he dared to leave the pocket.
"In case you're wondering what the offense should look like, that wasn't it." - Urban Meyer
by cantcatchuf on Oct 12, 2010 1:32 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
i'm curious what might've happened if he had actually come to State
with Mullen. Probably same thing thats going on @ Auburn, i’d guess…
/damn
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 1:43 PM EDT up reply actions
His ears are pinned back because he is fast.....
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
by mrpelicanpants on Oct 12, 2010 1:35 PM EDT up reply actions
Dang.
Here I thought “pin his ears back” was just a tiresome WWL catchphrase du jour , spouted by everyone even though no one can quite explain what it might mean.
But in that photo, the man does indeed clearly have his ears pinned back. For wicked and unnatural purposes, no doubt…
by Blog Goliard on Oct 12, 2010 1:37 PM EDT up reply actions
Also from that article:
Meyer was asked if Steve Addazio is being spread too thin in his dual role as offensive coordinator and offensive line coach. The play-calling was booed several times in the second half of Saturday’s game, including on the go-ahead touchdown drive late in the fourth quarter.
“He’s got a tough job,” Meyer said. "He can handle it. He showed it a year ago and he’s showing it now. I try to evaluate everything. I have a lot of confidence in the offense as well.
Yes, he has a lot of confidence in the 11th ranked offense in the SEC and the 94th ranked offense in all college football.
…
"Having confidence"
is not necessarily a positive thing.
Whiskey bottle, brand new car -- oak tree, you're in my way.
-- Lynyrd Skynyrd
by An 'eer with a beer on Oct 12, 2010 1:37 PM EDT up reply actions
What about the:
“He can handle it. He showed it a year ago, and he’s showing it now.”
What exactly is he handling successfully?
Depends on your definition of "it"
/billclinton’d
Whiskey bottle, brand new car -- oak tree, you're in my way.
-- Lynyrd Skynyrd
by An 'eer with a beer on Oct 12, 2010 3:17 PM EDT up reply actions
Meyer = Theoden
Addazio = Wormtongue
Saban = Saruman
"In case you're wondering what the offense should look like, that wasn't it." - Urban Meyer
by cantcatchuf on Oct 12, 2010 1:38 PM EDT up reply actions 8 recs
Beautiful analogy
and rec’d
"Heaven knows I like the taste of danger most of all" ~ Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on Oct 12, 2010 1:40 PM EDT up reply actions
Dan Mullen = Gandalf the White (?)
If it takes Mullen dropping 40 this week to remind Meyer what this is supposed to look like and get rid of Addazio, well…
Mullen at the post game handshake: “Breathe the free air again, my friend.”
There would be worse things.
American high-school students also have buckets of confidence.
Truck-loads of confidence. More confidence than kids their age in any other country in comparative studies.
So what if all those other kids kick American butt when it comes to…um…actually being able to do math and stuff?
by Blog Goliard on Oct 12, 2010 1:40 PM EDT up reply actions
According to the 1970s and the entire "self esteem" educational revolution,
we feel better than the rest of the world, and that is all that matters.
…right China? Right?
"In case you're wondering what the offense should look like, that wasn't it." - Urban Meyer
Typical progressive-style thinking
If being good at something gives you self-esteem, and everyone can’t be good at something… well, what’s the answer?
Dumb the process down and hand out awards for everything. Problem solved!
Or, as Dash Incredible put it:
When you say everybody’s special, it really means no one is.
Whiskey bottle, brand new car -- oak tree, you're in my way.
-- Lynyrd Skynyrd
by An 'eer with a beer on Oct 12, 2010 3:20 PM EDT up reply actions
How does Sir Newtons Law of Gravity apply in that case?
LT+Gv/Dstr=488(petty theft)
Laptop plus gravity over dumpster=theft?
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Rec'd.
It really should be the default state of affairs for any post. But sometimes I feel I should assert myself just in case you misinterpret the lack of recs as un-rec-worthy, rather than us taking your brilliance for granted. We can be lazy buttholes thataway.
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