THE CFB BUYERS' GUIDE: ANNOUNCERS
by Doug Gillett on Oct 12, 2010 10:00 AM EDT
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Ratings: We haz them. Each week EDSBS teams up with the product-testers and number-crunchers of Consumers Union, using their state-of-the-art lab to pick out the very best in every aspect of college football. This week we're taking it off the field of play for a little bit to put the nation's top college football announcers to the test -- which ones are the ballers, and which ones are merely shot-callers?
TOP RATED
RON FRANKLIN, ESPN | ■ ■ ■ ■ ½
Highs: The dulcet tones of the man's voice are as smooth as Tennessee whiskey. If he opened a phone-sex line, you'd go broke calling it.
Lows: Just a wee bit chauvinistic, perhaps, and no longer goes to 11.
For entire generations of fans -- Yours Truly among them -- Ron Franklin is what it means to sit down in front of the TV on a Saturday night, heart pounding, and watch one's team attempt to survive another week. For years he called SEC games almost exclusively, and even though CBS would get the marquee matchup of the week, Franklin still brought gravitas to both the "trap games" pitting established powerhouses against sneaky middle-of-the-pack teams and the under-the-radar matchups between up-and-comers fighting their way toward a marquee January bowl. The dude's pushing 70 now, and he may have lost a bit of a step just like anyone else at that stage in life; and yeah, the "It's 49-21, sweetheart" incident took a while to live down. But neither one is a satisfactory excuse for banishing Uncle Ron to a dotage of Big 12 undercards. A talent like this shouldn't be stashed away in Lawrence or College Station, he deserves to be out there on the front lines. Or, at the very least, Tuscaloosa or Baton Rouge.
VERNE LUNDQUIST, CBS | ■ ■ ■ ■ ½
Highs: Not afraid to let his enthusiasm for the game show through; when he says "Wuh-HOWW!", you know he means it.
Lows: Sometimes perhaps overly enthusiastic -- he and Danielson still have a lot to live down from the Tebow years.
If Franklin is smooth-talkin' Uncle Ron, the silver fox who's romanced nearly every rich widow at the country club (and more than a few of their daughters), CBS's front-line play-by-play man is Grampa Verne, the affable, roly-poly old dude who can't wait to hop out of his de Ville to distribute hard candies and marvel at how much bigger you are than the last time he saw you. The man's enthusiasm is booming, indefatigable, and utterly sincere; he clearly has the utmost respect for the young men who play the game and the fellows who coach them. Not that his enthusiasm doesn't go overboard at times -- just like that overexuberant granddad, he's prone to seizing on one aspect of something and hammering away at it until you're kind of sick of hearing about it ("Wow, you've really grown! I mean, you're REALLY tall! I'm gonna start calling you 'beanpole'! So your mom tells me you're rooming with Riley Cooper?"). But if that's the price you have to pay for a guy who refuses to let his knowledge and experience turn him into a self-satisfied, name-dropping douche -- lookin' at you, Tim Brando -- then so be it. A feature-laden, time-tested product that will please users of all ages.
ABOVE AVERAGE
BRAD NESSLER, ABC/ESPN | ■ ■ ■ ½ □
Highs: Knowledgeable, silken-voiced, a consummate professional.
Lows: Almost a little too slick, like he's gonna try to sell you a mattress right after the game's over.
In many ways, Nessler is like a Ron-Franklin-in-training, with a Rolex delivery that lends some weight to the proceedings and provides a good counterpoint to color man Todd Blackledge, who's almost kind of a young puppy dog by comparison. (That's not meant as condescension, mind -- if we were getting paid to go to college towns far and wide and eat ridiculous food items on the company expense account, we'd be excited too.) If there's one area in which Nessler falls behind his older counterpoint, it's ease of operation -- he almost seems a little too slick and practiced sometimes, like he wanted to be a radio DJ in college because he thought it would help him pick up chicks. In most other areas, though, Ness is a fine option. Let's just hope ESPN has the sense to keep feeding him decent assignments.
BRENT MUSBURGER, ABC | ■ ■ ■ □ □
Highs: There's a reason they still put him on the big games -- love the man or hate him, when you hear "You are looking LIVE," you know something important's about to happen.
Lows: Sometimes has trouble staying on course, less-than-efficient alcohol consumption.
Musby continues to be one of the more polarizing figures in sports broadcasting -- buyers seem to either love him or despise him, without a lot of middle ground. But if you can get past the frequently worn-on-his-sleeve ego and the occasional forays into quasi-relevant stories about run-ins he's had with this legendary coach or that hall-of-fame player, you have to admit the man's forgotten more about college football than most of us will ever know. He's been at this a long time, you see, so when you hear his slightly nasal baritone booming out over a blimp shot of the Rose Bowl or Darrell K. Royal, you know it's a big deal. Stroke his ego regularly and keep him liberally lubricated with the finest Scottish single-malts, and he will provide years of excellent service.
AVERAGE
GILLETTE FUSION PROGLIDE, PROCTER & GAMBLE | ■ ■ ½ □ □
Highs: The strong, silent type. Includes a single blade for precision trimming.
Lows: Almost too efficient in the way it goes about its business -- and do you really need a fifth blade?
Announcers typically get famous for what they say. With the Fusion ProGlide, it's what it doesn't say that gets attention; even after the biggest plays, it'll just sit there in stoic silence, trusting you to appreciate the gravity of the feats of athleticism that have just taken place. Now, occasionally that low-key attitude seems a bit unsuited for the situation, and you almost get the impression that the ProGlide doesn't know that much about the strategy or tactics of the game. And seriously, five blades? As if the average American football fan can't cut his face to ribbons just fine with four? If you're the kind of person who likes a minimum of distraction during a football game, not wanting to come out of it with anything more than the knowledge of who scored and who didn't (not to mention a close shave that lasts for hours and won't irritate sensitive skin), this is a perfectly serviceable choice, just don't be surprised if every once in a while you come away feeling a little unfulfilled.
KIRK HERBSTREIT, ESPN | ■ ■ ½ □ □
Highs: Still a student of the game, yet not noticeably senile.
Lows: As practiced a Narrative®-regurgitator as you'll ever see; frequently gets hung up on intangibles.
You want to talk slick and consumer-friendly, it gets no better than Herbie. His experience as a QB in one of the nation's hardest-hitting conferences earns respect from the men; his attractive packaging -- OK, I'm just gonna put it out there: He's dreamy -- earns major brownie points with the ladies. As an ESPN product, though, you know Herbstreit is going to be as proprietary as they come, spewing out company-approved storylines with the speed and alacrity of a seasoned pitchman. If your team is playing one of the season's pre-approved media darlings, be it a historic powerhouse or a trendy up-and-comer with a marketable backstory, be prepared to watch your boys play second fiddle for a few hours. In contrast with some of the better products in this test, Herbstreit is also known to go intangible-happy; he'd pick Boise State over the Baltimore Ravens if he thought he could make a case for the Broncos feeling "disrespected" and "wanting it more." He's a reliable offering with loads of energy, but he might benefit from a little seasoning -- and a little less programming.
BELOW AVERAGE
CRAIG BOLERJACK, CBS | ■ ■ □ □ □
Highs: Authoritative basso profundo, decades of experience.
Lows: Sometimes doesn't seem to know quite what he's talking about.
No qualms here with the voice or experience -- Bolerjack's been at this for nearly 30 years, and he's got the voice of a guy who could get up on stage at Vegas and see at least a few hotel keys thrown his way by the recently divorced cougars in the crowd. But it's possible that CBS and his other commitments might be spreading him a bit thin, because sometimes he doesn't seem quite as up on this whole "college football" thing as one might like -- that, or he's making the kind of facile observations that even Jill Arrington could've picked up on. Nice guy, but there's a reason he's on CBS's B-team. A decent choice if you don't have much money to spend, but seasoned consumers will continue shopping.
BOB DAVIE, ESPN | ■ ½ □ □ □
Highs: Can't deny that the man loves the game, even after nearly a decade at Notre Dame.
Lows: Underneath that spray-tanned mask lies the whitest man in America.
There's a right way and a wrong way to convey enthusiasm about college football. For the right way, see Verne Lundquist at the top of our Ratings; for the wrong way, stretch out your vowels until you might as well be wearing a neon sign reading GUESS WHAT? I USED TO COACH IN TEXAS! and bark out the "footbawww" modifier like ESPN is giving you the equivalent of a mortgage payment every time you say it. In other words, do exactly what former Notre Dame coach Bob Davie does every Saturday. The man isn't evil, he isn't even all that calculated, but God love him, he's so white he makes Chris Fowler look like Ghostface Killa. From the buttoned top button on his polo shirts down to what one can only presume are the tasseled loafers on his feet, Davie exudes blissful white-dude cluelessness that's good for at least a half-dozen cringeworthy moments in any given game. Can't you just picture him coming home from a long day in State College or Stillwater to give his wife a chaste peck on the cheek and then retire to separate beds?
NOT ACCEPTABLE
CRAIG JAMES, ESPN | X
Tuning in to a Big 12 game to find that Craig James is in the booth is kind of like switching on the TV at 10 on a weeknight and seeing Jay Leno: You're not just put off by the artistic discordance of it all, you're unnerved by a palpable sense that a profound moral wrong is being perpetrated. The former SMU running back was unsuitable for the broadcast booth even before the whole Mike Leach throwdown at Texas Tech, with his habit for interrupting and hogging the spotlight with awkwardly told dumb-jock war stories like a real-life version of Jerry O'Connell's character from "Can't Hardly Wait." But then he had to go and insert himself into one of the more embarrassing administrative controversies any athletics program has experienced in recent years, which makes his continuing presence in the booth not just a travesty of broadcasting but of ethics as well. For ESPN to continue risking its reputation by putting this product on the market, in spite of the fact that it offers absolutely nothing in the way of redeeming features, speaks to a lack of quality control to which we have no choice but to apply our Not Acceptable rating.
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"Can't deny that the man loves the game, even after nearly a decade at Notre Dame"
ouch. that smarts.
It's Cadillac rainbows and lots of spaghetti, and I love meatballs so you better be ready
4 posts later today,
At the very bottom of a page in small print, Pam Ward will appear with the description “Not safe for human consumption.”
Everyone fails. The successful learn from their failures. I just wish we'd quit giving ourselves so many learning opportunities.
by WhiteSpeedReceiver on Oct 12, 2010 10:08 AM EDT reply actions 1 recs
She'll be in the back pages...
…along with the latest playpen and Kia recall notices. “May catch fire during hard acceleration!” “Choking hazard for toddlers!”
by PeteJayhawk on Oct 12, 2010 12:42 PM EDT up reply actions
"...and do you really need a fifth blade?"
Charlie Manson says “Yes… Yes you do.”
Good stuff..
The Onion has always been amazingly prescient.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
by Sasquatch Love on Oct 12, 2010 10:27 AM EDT up reply actions
Back in the late 70’s/early 80’s when the first double blade razors were introduced, Saturday Night Live did a parody commercial about a triple blade razor, “because you’re dumb enough to buy anything”.
Los Angeles is like Manchester. There is a red team that wins championships and a blue team that doesn't.
They have a good Mach3 parody out there somewhere, they called it Mach 20, 20 blades. As I recall, skin comes off around blade 6, bone at 12 or so.
Quintippio!
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 11:02 AM EDT up reply actions
Au contraire
There was likely more scrutiny for his performance at SMU. Now he just travels around with Jesse Palmbro and works out. At least he theoretically was on the hook for his performance at SMU.
Today, at Communistsportsbroadcasting, that check is coming every week regardless of how many rope throws or “whhoooheeeeeees” he drops.
by Onestatewest on Oct 12, 2010 10:16 AM EDT up reply actions
I still can't believe
that he is on the air this year. In addition to being bad at his job (really, really bad), he has managed to infuriate a vast majority of his audience by demonstrating his long suspected and now thoroughly proven asshole qualities.
Gonna ask the awkward question here:
what the hell is up with Herbstreit’s eyebrows this year? Did they get fatter or something?
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
A new eyebrow hair grows in
every time Boise State scores a touchdown on the Yukon College of Blubberculture for Blind Eskimos.
We'll get there when we get there.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Oct 12, 2010 10:21 AM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
I thought he was already part Armenian.....
with a horrible dye job….I guess he quit waxing them….
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
by mrpelicanpants on Oct 12, 2010 10:29 AM EDT up reply actions
I think it's going to be a cold winter
Alec: Chris, did you really buy a $1400 toilet?
Chris: Yeah, it's great. It's Japanese and has those little warm water jets that clean the undercarriage.
Eric: Chris, it's a toilet, you shit in it.
by pfhokie on Oct 12, 2010 3:16 PM EDT up reply actions 2 recs
PRODUCT RECALL ALERT: TOM HAMMOND
This message is to alert consumers that Tom Hammond is unsafe for use in televised football announcing. If you are currently using a Tom Hammond for televised football announcing, cease use immediately and return your Tom Hammond to manufacturer.
Tom Hammond was initially designed for use as a figure skating announcer; however, manufacturer misleadingly represented him as an announcer safe for football use. His ghostly complexion and unblinking eyes are known to cause severe emotional distress in small children. In addition, his constant misidentification of players and down and distance are known to cause smashing of household appliances. Consumer Mike Mayock has reported that Tom Hammond’s adequate personal space function is completely defective.
Again, Tom Hammond is unsafe for use in televised football announcing. Ship your Tom Hammond back to Lillehammer, Norway immediately for an apology and full refund.
We'll get there when we get there.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Oct 12, 2010 10:17 AM EDT reply actions 22 recs
Never noticed before,
but he looks like a very excited Tom Hanks.
by OHokie on Oct 12, 2010 5:08 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
REC'D!
Also made me think of this:
http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/happy-fun-ball/229058/
by MnM Enterprises on Oct 12, 2010 10:59 PM EDT up reply actions
YOU ARE LOOKING LIVE makes up for an awful lot, pardner
As did his voiceover of the Paterno tribute before Penn State-Ohio State a few years back
Blogging about D.C. Baseball since April '04. Penn State alum, so I blog about it too. Also partial to the Washington Capitals and the rest of the D.C. teams, plus the New York Yankees and Yale football.
You can't stretch that credit far enough, good buddy.
“You’re looking live” < three hours of inane condescending blather + serial name butchering. Do your homework and just call the fucking game, Brent.
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
re name butchering - my dad hates Musberger
He calls him Burt Mursberger. I can’t decide if he’s being meta-hilarious or unintentionally hilarious.
by haveagreatday on Oct 12, 2010 10:54 AM EDT up reply actions
Sometimes he's still brilliant.
His call at the end of the 1997 Mizzou-Nebraska game was awesome. Unfortunately, he’s become more of a persona than an announcer at this point. I’m borrowing this from someone, but they said it about Chris Berman last night and it’s true for Musberger: he’s now playing the role of Brent Musberger, not announcing football games.
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
The difference is
Brent Musburger, the man, used to be good and the character has moments that remind you of what was. Chris Berman, both the man and character, has always been a smug, self-satisfied dick
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
I've liked Musburger just about every time I've seen/heard him
Unless he’s announcing a game my alma mater is playing in. At which point he becomes Public Enemy Numero Uno.
"I've made a huge little mistake." - G.O.B.
THANKFULLY GONE FROM MARKET
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can now be found in Atlanta area for local consumption. Inane commentary gone, original use put back into play, as coach.
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 10:20 AM EDT reply actions
Different view on him
I thought he was awful his first year. Completely unlistenable. Worse than Davie (and I have Davie in my unacceptable category). But, he got better (unlike Davie). He actually became one of my favorite announcers. I liked his willingness to call out coaches and sometimes players, but especially coaches.
And think a lot of people failed to regrade.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
However, he is ruining...
my preseason mockery of Bama’s schedule.
GSU is turning out to be a moderately acceptable FCS team.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
No, please don’t mistake them for that. They lost to an NAIA school, and haven’t exactly played anyone of note (except Jacksonville State) on the FCS level. Wait until they have to start playing their real conference schedule (when they join the CAA (I think)) and you’ll start to see that they’re not that great at all.
Caveat: This statement has been provided by a life-long fan and current graduate student (when not deployed to Kosovo like now) of the GSU that, you know, has actually DONE something… like win 6 FCS National Championships in their first 20 years of existence (though the past 5-6 years have been horrible).
by AUTigerGSUEagle on Oct 12, 2010 10:45 AM EDT up reply actions
SoCon, not CAA
I think.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
No, it’s most definitely not the SOCON. Georgia Southern is in the SOCON, and I know they’re not joining our conference. I’m pretty sure it’s the CAA. And the CAA already hates them because their fans have already been talking about how the CAA is just a temporary stop before they move up to FBS. They might want to focus on beating those pesky NAIA schools with less enrollment than the number of my graduating high school class, first.
by AUTigerGSUEagle on Oct 12, 2010 11:10 AM EDT up reply actions
I was pretty sure it wasnt CAA
OVC maybe?
That makes some sense possibly.
Also, South Alabama is going straight to FBS, but I dont see Ga State doing it for a long while, if at all.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
Eh, either way I already hate them. Their fans have been talking all manner of smack about being the “REAL GSU.” As opposed to Georgia Southern and Grambling State (and a few others, I think) that actually have a football tradition. And Georgia Southern’s has actually involved winning something.
by AUTigerGSUEagle on Oct 12, 2010 11:14 AM EDT up reply actions
It is the CAA
Huh.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
They dont play in CAA until 2012
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
USA is actually pulling in some decent recruits
getting transfers, and such. they may not be the complete train wreck that ‘new’ football schools usually are. Joey Jones is pulling from the mississippi juco’s too, so that helps, also.
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 11:14 AM EDT up reply actions
Ga State has 2 transfers from GT
both O linemen.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
No they're not (technically).
They’ll play two seasons as an FCS independent, while they’re in transition to FBS.
My new blog: The Other Guys
he drove me up the wall in the late 90's early 00's
one quote from him that wont leave my mind:
“They call that play the option. Because the quarterback has options on the play.”
aargh.
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 11:04 AM EDT up reply actions
Better than Davie
Who kept calling the midline option the “Quarterback duck”.
ITS NOT A CALLED QB KEEPER YOU FUCKING MORON.
At least the statement that bothered you as factually correct.
Conference homers are the lowest form of fandom. That is why the SEC has so many of them.
heh
yeah, i’ll definitely give ya that point, there.
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 11:15 AM EDT up reply actions
I dunno..
did you hear Leach the other night? I had to repeatedly jab my brain with a sharp stick to make it stop.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
by Sasquatch Love on Oct 12, 2010 10:44 AM EDT up reply actions
nah
i had Cristl on the computer, it was a little off with the gameplay, but i’d rather hear him call em than almost anyone else.
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 11:08 AM EDT up reply actions
How do you get Jack?
Is it a pay subscription? Man I miss him.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
by Sasquatch Love on Oct 12, 2010 12:52 PM EDT up reply actions
the easiest place i found:
http://www.freefootballradio.com/mississippistate.html
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 1:17 PM EDT up reply actions
thanks so much
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
by Sasquatch Love on Oct 12, 2010 1:44 PM EDT up reply actions
some of those will actually run off of an iphone, too
useful
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 1:47 PM EDT up reply actions
dude..that's great
I’m going to be out of town this weekend and will tivo the game.. but this way i can listen to jack live in case we can’t find a bar in dahlonega, ga that is carrying it.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
by Sasquatch Love on Oct 12, 2010 1:58 PM EDT up reply actions
I have a good mobile device running android
(i will never bow to apple)..
which ones seem to stream the best?
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
by Sasquatch Love on Oct 12, 2010 2:00 PM EDT up reply actions
i dont remember. just try em out beforehand, i guess.
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 2:32 PM EDT up reply actions
I once yelled Brad Nessler's name repeatedly after an Alabama basketball game
while in college and could not figure out why he was looking at me funny.
Until several days later when I realized I had been yelling at Tim Brando.
Fuck that guy.
Where's Thom Brennaman?
Granted, his reign of terror appears to be mostly over now (I think – is he still on the Big 10 network?), but his special brand of awfulness surely merits a lifetime achievement award. To listen to Thom Brennaman call your game is to experience something truly special – you are truly listening to the worst announcer in college football history. Think about that for a bit – in 50 years, you’ll be able to sit down with your grandson, watch a game, and tell him that no matter how bad the announcing is, you were around for the worst, because there will never be another announcer so terrible. If I’m wrong about God, and there is an afterlife and a hell, I will go to a special room where I get to listen to Thom Brennaman and Bob Davie call the 2008 and 2009 Georgia-Florida games for all eternity. The thorn-cocked sodomy demons won’t even need to bother.
Pam Ward
no matter how thrilling the game is or how badly the opposition has been throttled you WILL NOT CARE due to the buzz kill that is Pam Ward.
by Pariahwulfen on Oct 12, 2010 10:48 AM EDT up reply actions
Just Be Thankful
I’m not a regular talk radio listener but I did catch SAS the other day and SWEET JESUS MY BRAIN IS STILL BLEEDING. This after, literally, 2 minutes of air time.
yeh....a Godzilla sized Stephen A. Smith would destroy you by the volume of his voice alone...
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
by mrpelicanpants on Oct 12, 2010 10:34 AM EDT up reply actions
HOWEVA
/that is all
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 10:55 AM EDT up reply actions
SAS has always reminded me of
that Damon Waynes ‘In Living Color’ character who used a bunch of big words incorrectly trying to sound intelligent.
by Alex P in Smyrna G on Oct 12, 2010 11:05 AM EDT up reply actions
Oswald Bates was the character
Forgot to add this...
I love South Florida, but not all the people in it, whereas I hate Tallahassee, but not all the people in it.
There are so many counter-arguments when my friends try to convince me that the NBA is worthy of existence,
but Mr. A. Smith is just too easy. Q.E.D.
We'll get there when we get there.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Oct 12, 2010 1:32 PM EDT up reply actions
May cause nausea, vomiting
A very bitter prescription that may cause nausea, vomiting, and difficulty breathing. If you experience these symptoms for more than one hour, call your doctor and change the channel immediately.
Product does not perform well east of MS river and does not interact well with conferences outside the Big12. Or within the Big12 for that matter.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
by Sasquatch Love on Oct 12, 2010 10:32 AM EDT reply actions
Is that what that was?
Hard to believe. He clearly had never heard of Mississippi State before, which is OK. We’ve been easy to forget for the last 10 years. “Mostly Harmless” as Douglas Adams would’ve said.
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
by Sasquatch Love on Oct 12, 2010 10:58 AM EDT up reply actions
Mike Leach is a super-hoppy beer that's got so much flavor its nearly un-drinkable.
The assault on your tastebuds is akin to slamming forty packets of sugar because you like sweet-tasting things.
by CincySooner on Oct 12, 2010 10:58 AM EDT up reply actions
IS it me, or does Bob Davie have some sort of weird face.....
His eyes are too close together and his forehead to eyebrow distance is way outta whack….He looks like a conehead that had corrective surgery or something…
Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
by mrpelicanpants on Oct 12, 2010 10:33 AM EDT reply actions
Can we get a rating for JP/LincolnFinancial/Raycom's attempt at grabbing a larger share of the market with a ValuePak?
The 3 Daves – you may not really like them, but at least you get three of them.
I was a frequent user of the 3 Daves
and they at least understood their target audience
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you.
by Sasquatch Love on Oct 12, 2010 10:37 AM EDT up reply actions
Too bad their crew didn’t understand things like replay angles, camera use and the fade lever on the intro/outro music.
I feel really sorry for JP Sports. They finally spring for HD equipment (likely bought used from a local Mexican Division II soccer broadcast unit) and the next year, they lose the SEC game broadcasts. Oh well, at least we can watch Boston College play FSU in basketball and count the 735 people in attendance in beautiful 620p.
Caveat:
I’m a girl (and not a girl with a mustache), so I don’t really know how to accurately compare announcers to things you use to shave your face.
You're probably better at it than you think
After all my fiancee is constantly stealing my razors because they work better than hers
A Notre Dame Grad, born and raised in Wisconsin... life put me in the express lane to alcoholism.
No love for Petros?
No. No fucking love for Petros.
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
"So terrible it's awesome" is an overused category these days, and reeks of hipster.
Nevertheless, Petros is so terrible he’s awesome.
by Blog Goliard on Oct 12, 2010 11:10 AM EDT up reply actions
Just... just godawful
A horrible combination of a suicide-inducing voice and clichéd pap commentary.
"I've made a huge little mistake." - G.O.B.
He's no geologist.
My name is Cliff Harris, and I’m here to lock shit down.
by HoodRiverDuck on Oct 12, 2010 1:08 PM EDT up reply actions
Truth: I went from a straight razor to the Fusion
And, yes, unfulfilling. Also, emasculating. Like being a third-string receiver son of Craig James, I imagine.
Did you go back?
‘Cause now that Nebraska doesn’t suck so bad anymore, I’m thinking about picking up a straight razor.
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
I'm waiting for the last blade to completely dull
Because I’m cheap, and not entirely concerned with the quality of facial grooming.
(Call me, ladies!)
Anyway, learned to shave w/a straight razor and never used anything else until the Mrs. started having nightmares (fantasies?) about me slashing my own neck and put the Gillette in my Xmas stocking. Yes, I’m going back, but might wait until Addazio is fired.
English language edition not yet available.
WELL UM ASSALLY I THINK FIZIKALITY IS VURRA IMPORTUNT IN FOOBAW.
We'll get there when we get there.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Oct 12, 2010 10:42 AM EDT reply actions 4 recs
Craig Bolerjack below average?
Damien Gray agrees….
"If we score, we may win. If they never score, we'll never lose."
-Erk Russell
I can't believe that...
Muffberger and Lundquist went that high. I thought Verne was still too busy talking about the greatness of David Greene and David Pollack to even rate in the top ten.
Also, what about the dual combination of Dick Stockton and Bob Brenly at the NLDS? I played a drinking game with myself where I drank everytime they said “era” – as in, the Giants scored due to Alex Gonzalez’s era throwing to first base. I passed out in the third inning.
Speaking of Pollack...
that guy is that hackiest hack I’ve ever seen on television.
Simply terrible.
I wish we had more balls.
-Jim Tressel
Musberger
He’ll always be the guy who gargles USC balls to me. What Finebaum currently is to Alabama, he was to USC football during the mid-200s, but at least you can turn Finebaum off, while you were stuck with Musberger for important games.
Musberger is a hack for all the traditional powers....
….Whenever I’ve heard him call a Michigan game, I want to take a tire iron to my TV
He has a wolverine fetish for sure
One of the worst football game broadcasts I’ve ever watched was watching Notre Dame play at U of M when Anthony Thomas was there. I don’t think he called him by his full name once the entire broadcast – always “A-train.” I was ready to go out and kill a South Bend hobo by the end of the game, but instead I just drank a lot.
I don't mind Musberger
but he does use the word “fine” waaaaay too much, as in “FIIIIINE play from the FIIIINE cornerback from Michigan”.
KU fans-how I hate thee!
If Jill Arrington was Amy Winehouse, could she duet with Ghostface Killah?
Anytime you can incorporate Jill Arrington and Ghostface Killah into a blog entry, it’s a good day! I am old-fashioned. I still shave with the Gillette M3 Power. I am drawn to overspend for those darn razor blades every time by its flourescent green packaging.
"Warren, YOU IDIOT!"
by Fire Ron Guenther on Oct 12, 2010 10:53 AM EDT reply actions
Special Jury Prize
GIVE ME MY CORNYDOG ALREADY,BITCH!!!!
by Trouble's A Bruin on Oct 12, 2010 11:03 AM EDT reply actions
Uncle Verne's enthusiasm
I love the guy, but sometimes he doesn’t know how to channel his excitement about a player. It’s a little odd when he talks about a running back’s strong hips and thighs.
I admit a weakness for Verne.
He sounds, and acts, a lot like my late grandfather. So I have a built-in bias towards him. But, I never thought an announcer who actually seems to enjoy the sport he is covering was a bad thing. I know fellow Bama fans go crazy when Grampa Verne butchers a name (“Orlando McCain”). But Ithink that’s part of his charm. I’m solidly in the Verne corner.
by SoFla Tideroller on Oct 12, 2010 12:11 PM EDT up reply actions
The man referenced
Gutenburg at the end of the Bama/Carolina game. That was awesome.
Sancto Tedford
by Anonymous IV at Mono Lake on Oct 12, 2010 12:16 PM EDT up reply actions
He did, after all, go to Texas Lutheran...
by SoFla Tideroller on Oct 12, 2010 12:18 PM EDT up reply actions
Lutheran Five! Up top!
"...when the devil says to you: do not drink, answer him: I will drink, and right freely, just because you tell me not to."
— Martin Luther
I hate when he just says the wrong player
He consistently has no idea who is running the ball for the Gators. He just says whatever name comes to mind without looking at the number on the jersey. It’s gotten to the point where my wife has made a game of it and corrects him almost immediately every time.
Although, to his credit, maybe he is assuming that a run up the middle would be Moody, and an outside run would be Demps. Even Verne is getting Adderpzio’d, I guess.
by Mikanakinos on Oct 12, 2010 12:42 PM EDT up reply actions
We all know we love bad announcers...
They make those boring games less boring.
by Alex P in Smyrna G on Oct 12, 2010 11:08 AM EDT reply actions
Davie
I wanted to scream when Bob Davie actually said this during the Auburn-Kentucky game the other night: “#2 for Auburn is going to touch the ball a lot.”
Ummmm, yeah, Bob. He’s the QB. They do that.
by AUTigerGSUEagle on Oct 12, 2010 11:12 AM EDT reply actions
What about the guy that calls that late Pac-10 game?
You know the guy that kinda sounds like the Penguin.
"It’s not Disneyland, people. Get the hell out of the way." NYC Firefighter
Think it was Petros Papadakis
"It’s not Disneyland, people. Get the hell out of the way." NYC Firefighter
by jokastrength on Oct 12, 2010 2:27 PM EDT up reply actions
Who has the best photo ever...
"It’s not Disneyland, people. Get the hell out of the way." NYC Firefighter
by jokastrength on Oct 12, 2010 2:28 PM EDT up reply actions
woof
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 13, 2010 9:33 AM EDT up reply actions
bowlfull o' crazy
Get ready Florida fans, he’s comin’ your way.
"the funny thing is she's on the internet
just look it up yourself"
by The Pylon That Relfed on Oct 12, 2010 11:41 AM EDT reply actions
"the funny thing is she's on the internet
just look it up yourself"
by The Pylon That Relfed on Oct 12, 2010 11:44 AM EDT up reply actions
DAMMIT, multiple link fails
Insert (from your mind) crazy-ass picture of Herm Edwards
"the funny thing is she's on the internet
just look it up yourself"
by The Pylon That Relfed on Oct 12, 2010 11:45 AM EDT up reply actions
Bad call! Bad call!!!
Fuck you and the beard you rode in on.
Asshole.
I wish we had more balls.
-Jim Tressel
Your hatred for Ducks is unhealthy.
My name is Cliff Harris, and I’m here to lock shit down.
by HoodRiverDuck on Oct 12, 2010 1:48 PM EDT up reply actions
I dunno about devidee...
…but me, I was born in Corvallis.
The only thing unhealthy about my hatred for the Ducks is when it flags in its intensity.
by Blog Goliard on Oct 12, 2010 3:44 PM EDT up reply actions
Last game of the season, can't hold anything back...
I ate the blue ones ... they taste like burning.
Except for the nasally Midwestern accent
that grates on Southern ears, Gary Danielson is pretty solid as a color guy. Knows his stuff, gives insight for both beginner and experienced football fans without being preachy. And he is a good counterpoint to Grampa Verne (who is awesome).
by SoFla Tideroller on Oct 12, 2010 12:07 PM EDT reply actions
I actually liked Fouts.
Knew his stuff and had just enough of a smart-ass attitude that sneaked thru every now and then. You could sense the Alpha-dog attitude he carried on the field when he was the man in San Diego.
by SoFla Tideroller on Oct 12, 2010 12:14 PM EDT up reply actions
Could not disagree more
I hate when our games are on CBS. They call all the players by the wrong names. They also will not stop defending a point, even after it has been shown by replay to be totally wrong. It’s like they aren’t even watching the game half the time. Just spouting whatever pregame shit they came up with for 4 hours.
I guess I am alone in my dislike for the CBS crew, at least on this site. I know that my friends and I make fun of them whenever we are forced to watch them.
by Mikanakinos on Oct 12, 2010 12:52 PM EDT up reply actions
Having been raised on
Mexican soccer game announcers, especially Andres Cantor and Norberto Longo, most college football game announcers, except for Verne and Ron Franklin, just do meet the standard.
Sancto Tedford
by Anonymous IV at Mono Lake on Oct 12, 2010 12:15 PM EDT reply actions
That should read
Having been raised on Mexican soccer game announcers, especially Andres Cantor and Norberto Longo, most college football game announcers, except for Verne and Ron Franklin, just do NOT meet the standard.
Sancto Tedford
by Anonymous IV at Mono Lake on Oct 12, 2010 12:53 PM EDT up reply actions
It ain't Mexican soccer...
… but I’d like to hear Martin Tyler and Ally McCoist call a game.
"I've made a huge little mistake." - G.O.B.
I want to hear Cantor call a hockey game.
I don’t even know why, but I think it would be hysterical.
Nessler
Nessler once offered me a BCS hat for he and his wife to stand in my spot on a Bourbon street balcony, and I thought to myself, why not just ask to take a look? like you said, practiced slick.
Matt Millen
Watching Michigan/Michigan State last weekend… I was absoloutly shocked at how good Millen was in the color spot.
/any GM/Lions joke here will do
http://tailgateandcover.wordpress.com/
by tailgateandcover on Oct 12, 2010 1:18 PM EDT reply actions
There can be only one
Still missing the great one.
And his knack for knowing exactly what to say, and more importantly, when to let the play of the game speak for itself.
“Bo Jackson! Goodbye!”
by sullivan013 on Oct 12, 2010 1:27 PM EDT reply actions 8 recs
yessir
good call.
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 1:47 PM EDT up reply actions
has a voice
that could make a honey badger sing "kiss from a rose.
Rec’d.
The new year approaching, click in. Let’s facelift bar! Open the wardrobe is not yet found love after another the right clothes? So, also waiting for? Immediate action bar!
How in God's name
did Jesse Palmer get left off this list?
He’s so bad that he gave me a brain tumor.
Awww. c'mon girl.
Uhm, the editor is also a UF alum
A fun drinking game with Palmer is to chug whenever he says “SEC Speed”
Limited functionality is a concern.
When activated, unit only proclaims its undying love for Mattural Ice Ryan in a husky yet grating voice.
We'll get there when we get there.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Oct 12, 2010 1:34 PM EDT reply actions
I really can't believe it
but this guy is actually pretty good and makes watching the NBC broadcast much more tolerable. I thought he was going to turn every game into a combine breakdown, but unlike Hayden, he has no problem pointing out exactly what happened and why on a play – and that’s not easy to do when your home team is in a perpetual hurry up offense.
He'd get an Editor's Choice
Except for the fact that he only comes bundled with a defective product. He’s one of the rare commentators who can actually use the Telestrator to add to the replay, rather than just drawing accidental dongs on the screen. He actually watches film of the teams before the games so he knows what the fuck is going on; as opposed to Headley who sometimes gets so wrapped up in the pageantry and inspiring emotional story lines that he forgets which sport is going on.
Product has been known to cause erections lasting more than four hours in NDNation posters.
We'll get there when we get there.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Oct 12, 2010 1:40 PM EDT reply actions 6 recs
GRUDEN SEYZ:
“I call him “The Running Back” because he runs with the football!"
Listening to Gruden, Jaws and the Other Guy in last night’s Fellate-A-Favre Fest made me wish I didn’t understand English.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Oct 12, 2010 2:14 PM EDT up reply actions 1 recs
"I call him "The Running Back" because he runs with the football!"
sounds Bill Curry-esque.
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 2:17 PM EDT up reply actions
That may be true ...
But it’s charming when Curry does it.
Excuse me for my bellicosity. And spelling. Bellicosity and spelling.
by Blackheartnopants on Oct 12, 2010 2:37 PM EDT up reply actions
Fellate-a-Favre Fest
Must…not…make…Jenn…Sterger…joke…HNNNNNNGGGGGG
We'll get there when we get there.
by Ancient Chinese Secret on Oct 12, 2010 2:24 PM EDT up reply actions
His object all sublime
He shall achieve in time
To be mor’ ’nformative than a mime
And up in the ratings climb
And make each Bol-jack event
Unfailingly represent
A source of informing merriment
Of informing merriment
by Blog Goliard on Oct 12, 2010 9:05 PM EDT up reply actions
Is it just me or do both these guys
look like they’ve been hammering back Scotch whiskey for a few hours?
"Heaven knows I like the taste of danger most of all" ~ Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on Oct 13, 2010 8:53 AM EDT up reply actions
Mike Gottfried
Just throwing a shout-out to Mike Gottfried. Gottfried & Franklin were the best announcing duo in a long, long time.
Franklin & Gottfried were the best!
Despite the complaints from the Barn fans about Gottfried. The crack about “sweetheart” by Franklin should just be ignored. It was not like Joe Willie trying to make out with Suzy Kolber…just let it go.
by ApothecaryMark on Oct 16, 2010 1:20 PM EDT up reply actions
Ron Franklin was demoted because people were offended by calling Holly Rowe sweetheart?
i thought it was because the comment was proof of senility and poor judgment. I mean, have you’ve seen Holly Rower, right?
"They've just discovered a new use for sheep over there at Clemson... wool." - Lewis Grizzard
by GwinnettGamecock on Oct 12, 2010 4:59 PM EDT reply actions
Miz Piggy?
MSState Football: What? We're 4-2? No!
by CoastalCowbell on Oct 12, 2010 5:10 PM EDT up reply actions
I'm trying hard to block it out
"Heaven knows I like the taste of danger most of all" ~ Jonatha Brooke
by MtnEer_in_SC on Oct 13, 2010 8:53 AM EDT up reply actions
The Hat crushed her last week
in the postgame. “We didn’t learn anything, Holly!” “It’s not the Hat, but what’s under it!”
They wore garnet helmets.
Though he looks like he's possessed a la Season 2 of True Blood
I would KILL to hear this man commentate a wild football game:
The new year approaching, click in. Let’s facelift bar! Open the wardrobe is not yet found love after another the right clothes? So, also waiting for? Immediate action bar!
No Doc Walker?
Someone’s got to point out about a defense that “sumbody put some peppah in dey grits” and tell us that a line backer “hit ‘im wit’ baaad intentions”.
Unfortunately, his genius was confined to the ACC on Raycom.
What was the guy that was cheering on Miami when they were fighting with FIU?
"It’s not Disneyland, people. Get the hell out of the way." NYC Firefighter
Former U WR Lamar Thomas
He was also the player stripped by George Teague in the Sugar Bowl that Bama beat Miami (Jan 1993?)
by Crabapple Buck on Oct 12, 2010 10:25 PM EDT up reply actions
Brent "If You Will" Musberger
When he first appeared on the scene, Musberger must have thrown in about 20 “if you wills” a game, everyone of them totally inappropriate. Now he’s down to just a couple a game, but they’re as inappropriate as ever: “And Alabama scores a touchdown, if you will.” What the f is that supposed to mean? No, no, that’s not a touchdown, it’s a labrador retriever?
Seriously, Craig James is the worst
That guy just plain sucks. I would do anything in my power to get him off the air, but there’s basically nothing I can do other than not watch games, which is kind of hard to do if he’s calling the game I want to see. My disdain for him is clearly not always as strong as my desire to see the game, but he’s so freaking awful and the Texas Tech deal is ridiculous. If I were Mike Leech I would have fired all of my guns at once and exploded into space and named Disney, ESPN, and Craig James for slander or false light or something. Maybe you can’t win, but the claims are colorable. Craig James played BS hardball with you. Go tit for tat. If Leech sues ESPN and Craig James, then the rest of us are spared.
thom brennaman
he truly is the worst…see the 2008 sugar bowl for proof:
refers to uga as the ‘gators’ …really?!
refers to knowshon as ‘omar moreno.’ that guy played for the pittsburgh pirates. intersports fail.
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