In which we reward the highlights and lesser luminaries of Week 6.
SUPERSTAR! You already know who. 85% completion rate against the Tide, while also throwing for a field goal? Sakerlina continues to win games both in spite of and because of college football's philosopher-king-brah, and this week it was mostly "because of", and for that, we raise our glasses and shake our asses at DJ Steve (O)G and MC Tiny Floating Matty Mac.
SIT STILL! Mark Ingram and Trent Richardson, whose combined rushing and receiving yards (92) were bettered in Columbia by Marcus Lattimore's rushing efforts alone (93).
GOOD HELPER! LaMichael James, ensuring that the nation's leading rusher is actually a running back this week for the first time all season.
IMPROVING! Oklahoma State actually put away their Sun Belt competition decisively this week! Huggles! Three weeks after surmounting Troy by a field goal, and just over an hour after after trailing Louisiana 21-17 at the half, the 'Pokes came roaring back past the Ragin' Cajuns for what will look on the scoreboard like a triumphant victory and not a matter of deep LOLshameness.
HAND UP! We regret the pun on this one, but VT's Greg Nosal played with a SEVERED FINGER against Central Michigan, and that must be recognized. CENTRAL MICHIGAN. CAPS LOCK. (We need a SO FUCKING METAL sticker for so very many reasons.)
CREATIVE! Baylor and Texas Tech, going for the cycle of fluke plays.
BUSY BEE! Denard Robinson, Cam "Cameron" Newton, and Taylor Martinez, the nation's leading stats-happy spread quarterbacks, here to debunk that "gimmick offense" ish once and for all, until next year.
TEACHER'S PET! Tim Brewster, because JESUS FOOTBALL CHRIST, what a suck-up:
"That’s a poor reason. That’s a poor excuse," Brewster said. "I thought it was a very poor decision by a head football coach, and he’ll have to live with that because it was wrong and, heck, everybody in here knows it and everybody in college football knows it.
"It was wrong."
Wrong? Not technically, no. Once more for the cheap seats, and sing along if you know the words: IT'S YOUR JOB TO STOP THEM, hoss. And if it's morally wrong, we're discussing here, where does "Big Ten team loses to South Dakota at home" fall on the scale of all that's right and good?
* We find ourselves once again relegating LSU to the footnotes, acknowledging that while they're very much worthy of recognition, we are still without an image of a dragon spiraling to earth in flames wearing a jaunty fedora and holding a possum clamped in its jaws to properly illustrate the Bayou Bengals' weekend. Our sincere apologies.