THE CURIOUS INDEX, 10/11/2010

YOUR FULL HOUSE LOSES TO BALLS. 

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The playbook may be part of the problem, or it may be the players, or it may be Les Miles' inexplicable command of the tides, trick plays, and other random wavelike movements of fate, but the accumulated dandruff falling from the head of Florida football falls in a gentle rain to spell out FAILURE. Nicholas Cage should really be a part of this season somehow, if only because a.) he could point to odd signs and say " THERE'S A PATTERN!" and b.) because he sucks, and that fits this football team perfectly. (Only a Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans finale could redeem Florida at this point, though you know Steve Addazio is already seeing iguanas everywhere he looks.) 

More on this later, but in short: promoted over his head, a respected recruiter and offensive line coach is now in the end stages of rising to his specific level of incompetence. Blaming the coordinator is the first and easiest thing to do, but a small percentage of the time it's also accurate, which really grates because of said coordinator's overall status as a non-bullshit guy who did precisely what you would do: take a better job to see if you could do it. The mistake was Urban Meyer's in promoting him in the first place. 

That's as much logic as we have at the moment. FIREHORSE will take over in a bit, but for once we respect the guy in charge enough to say that while we firmly as a matter of policy agree with the sentiment, the ad hominem is an errant volley against a guy who, while he sucks at his job, is doing just what is being asked of him. The ask is unreasonable, and the results have been shit on a shingle. Florida's offense is 96th in the nation after six games, and Pam and the Mediation Dolphin would like to see the entire Florida coaching staff to work out what will be a very painful and public sorting out of this hideous personnel situation.

That's not the case. Everything is fine. We're still committed to our goals. Yes, and at the end of the season he'll be gone, and everyone will wince about it for years to come when you run into each other at the lake, and we'll just all deny it until that happens. In the meantime, Jeff Demps and Mike Gillislee are going for nothing into the teeth of the defense while Emmanuel Moody goes wide for a one yard loss on second down. Don't even watch third down. Like the end of this, it's a fait accompli you don't want to see unless Jeremy Foley gets all Chichester City with his firing axe. 

LET'S HUG BRAH. The most satisfying part of watching South Carolina whip--and that is the word--Alabama's ass on Saturday was this: 

ALABAMA COACHING STAFF WORK ORDERS: 18 hour days of preparation. Periodic calls into Saban's office for grilling over strategy, recruiting, and game orders. Intense practice. Cans of dip consumed per capita: 8.7. Red Bulls downed: 5.6 per day per staff member. Time spent with family: 18 minutes. Total time of game week preparation for staff members: 94 hours per staff member. 

SOUTH CAROLINA COACHING STAFF WORK ORDERS. "Well, shit, here's five plays that work against anything. Let's just ball out and let Marcus and Alshon do their thing, because football's not hard. If you need me I'll be on the sixteenth working out that tricky dogleg." 

But redemption? Whatever, brah, Garcia was already great. This just gets him a little more leg in the thirty-plus mop-up period of his life, since they'll have something to remember now other than the brahsome attitude. Future Steven is sending a thank you card now for the Hilton Head cougar ass he's going to be trapping like a poacher in his forties, Current Steven. Membership in the Taneyhill Club of Gamecock QB Greats does have its advantages. (Membership: two.) 

Finebaum is on today. You might want to listen to it. In the meantime, the photos of the gameday signs are superb, especially the "Julio dropped my other sign" one.

MICHIGAN HAD A FUN WEEKEND. This may be the most Midwestern bro ever. Brian at MGoBlog is still in hibernation from the loss, since like a junkie in an Israeli treatment center he is placed directly into a medically induced coma after losses. The bannering of Michigan Stadium likely didn't help, but neither will any claims by Michigan State fans thatthe Wolverines were Lloydballed into submission. 

TURN GRAVITY OFF FOR A SEC KTHX. Football. It's a cuddly sport with longing passionate embraces and, occasionally, someone turning off the gravity and watching everyone on the field freak out for a bit. (HT: Rock M Nation.) 

BECAUSE SOMEONE ALWAYS HAS TO POOP IN MARK RICHT'S PUNCHBOWL. Let the man have one drama-free week, legal functionaries of Athens, please? 

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