Well, hey there! No, can't quite move the face yet, and the new boobs are---wait, boobs? We certainly didn't ask for a new rack, especially since we're dudes, and...well, shit, they're actually pretty cool. We'll keep 'em for a few weeks until they get old, or we start getting disturbing propositions from tranny chasers. Lemonade from lemons, we say.
This is EDSBS 2.0, now hosted on the SB Nation platform. You hate it? TOO BAD. You love it? YOU'RE THE GREATEST PERSON EVER. Before we get into the particulars, a reminder of our general mission statement.
Do not explain the plot, and if you don't understand then you should not be here. Our money is now your money, and we will spend it on drugs or, more likely, expensive booze to splash around tailgates. This is a college football website with a wandering, easily distracted eye.
Q: Don't you have anything better to do?
A: No, not anymore. It's great.
Q: Can I get back the five minutes I wasted reading the post?
A: No. We've just brought you five minutes closer to death and you didn't even enjoy it, and that is our revenge for you being a twat. Sadism: It just keeps giving and giving.
Q: So, what's going to change here?
A: Content-wise, nothing. This is good if you were hoping for the same, and bad if you were hoping for improvement, since that's never happening around here. One thing you can count on is more stability platform-wise, snazzier formatting, actual competently sized pictures, and some new widgets for the LULZ. Because it is all for the LULZ here.
Q: WAAAAAHHH I DON'T WANT TO REGISTER.
A: Too bad. You probably need to update that username anyway, since it is a truism that 20% of all sports blog commenter names are based on Anchorman, and you need to step up your reference game if that's true. Additionally, it's something you should just have to do once and then be done with it. An added benefit is that it keeps trolls out, too, or at least the trolls we haven't come to know and love throughout the years for their frightening but sometimes charming personality disorders. You know who you are.
Q: I HATE THE LAYOUT.
A: Great. You have strong opinions. That's excellent. People like passion. People also love cheese, which in our opinion is the curdled fromunda cheese of Satan's crotchpits. This is leaner, faster, better, and will have a mobile function allowing for easier, less squint-y reading on your mobile devices, something we would have never had the time or skill to cook up using WordPress.
Q: What's a fanpost?
A: A thorough explanation is here, but essentially it's forums within forums, or a more convenient way of posting a link, image, or anything really without clogging up streaming discussion. In some places it becomes a spot for polite flame wars, and on other blogs it's where they post vide os of Korean teen pop stars kissing their team's helmet. On EDSBS, I sincerely hope it will be the 4chan /b/ board of college football, but without the racial slurs and pornography. Okay, without the racial slurs and too much pornography. That needed correction.
Q: Where's Steve and Danny?
A: Where they always are: in football Valhalla, throwing fade passes in the 1996 Sugar Bowl. The colors remain a nod to Florida, and we remain a Florida-slanted blog in ever sens of the word save one: coverage. We write about far too many things to be claimed as an exclusively Florida blog, a condition which has been true for at least two years. Thus the flaming football, which could only be improved with a big beefy Trogdor arm sticking out of it.
Q: So...anything else?
A: The site is best viewed in Wide mode, because we girthy like that. Otherwise: Welcome to the New World, Captain Ramius.