CURIOUS INDEX, 1/28/10

by Orson on Jan 28, 2010 10:01 AM EST

So metal. If Eastern Washington doesn't come out to "Raining Blood," they're cheating themselves and the fans who clearly thirst for blood, metal, and football rage.

D-1AA EWU is mulling installing red turf, which they shouldn't because football was meant to be played on natural grass and, failing that, a sheet of blue ice with landmines in it. But if you must play on a solidified petroleum derivative spread across perfectly fine soil, make it something conjuring up the blood of fallen foes and the hellfire your team brings to them on a weekly basis. Also, you really should play Slayer, just like you should be doing squats, eating more steak, and having more sex than one thinks is healthy. It's part of the package. (It also beats purple turf, which has the natural entry music of Prince, preferably "Pussy Control," because it's a song called "Pussy Control".)

Video included with no relation to story. Craig James threatened to sue Texas Tech, according to a memo obtained by the unstoppably named Lubbock Avalanche Journal. ("For the 48,839th day in a row we're happy to report no avalanches in Lubbock. that is all.") James' attorney says the ESPN commentator and vigilant parent to his defenseless grown child never "threatened to sue" if the university didn't investigate their claims about Mike Leach, but did not address whether it "might have been casually mentioned as a course of action." Craig James is a shitbag, and it's January 28, 2010.

A month and a half into this, and...yes that's a complaint. Meta is watching Brian Cook watch NDNation watch itself watch Brian Kelly recruit players you'll watch play for Notre Dame.

He is a genie of sorts. Doug's 40-31 in the list of the 50 Most Loathsome People In The SEC includes Jimmy Sexton, who really is a fucking genius when you look at it:

Exhibit A: Sexton represents both Lane Kiffin and three of the guys Tennessee contacted to replace him. In the end, Kiffin got a raise and his dream job at USC, Derek Dooley got a gigantic raise and a job at Tennessee, and two programs on opposite sides of the country are wondering what the hell just happened.

Jack Abramoff doesn't even really properly understand how you pulled that off without going to jail, but well done sir.

RED WHITE AND BLOWN UP WITH AWESOME. Ricky Stanzi: proud Americanzi.

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Brian Cook is a shitbag, and it’s January 28, 2010.

Michigan must be destroyed.

by Ancient Chinese Secret on Jan 28, 2010 10:06 AM EST reply actions

Hear, hear, ACS.

I figure Notre Dame will be terrible this season, but I can at least maintain hope for the future if they’re terrible while playing a bunch of four- and five-star recruits. Instead, I’m afraid they’re going to be playing guys like Jimmy Ballslap from Saskatoon, a two-star DE converted into a short, slow WR with bad hands.

by Harris on Jan 28, 2010 10:22 AM EST reply actions

Jimmy Sexton is a wily and shrewd man. Between his agent to the star-coaches gig and the apparent preference with Neinas that comes with it the guy makes Drew Rosenhaus look like a pussy.

As for Brian Kelly’s recruiting, for all his “rebuilding” efforts at Cinci and CMU he’s never brought in an elite player.

This is his best recruiting class EVER!

The same cannot be said for the Irish. Michael Floyd, have fun.

by InTheBleachers on Jan 28, 2010 10:30 AM EST reply actions

Inevitable “red carpet” joke in 3…2…1…

by Jack Fact on Jan 28, 2010 10:30 AM EST reply actions

@Harris

“Jimmy Ballslap from Saskatoon”

I just spit out a massive chomp of a Bojangles country ham biscuit laughing at that.

by InTheBleachers on Jan 28, 2010 10:33 AM EST reply actions

Harris @ 2 – Hey now, Jimmy Ballslap from Saskatoon is deceptively fast (+19 cocktails to you, sir, for that character).

I guess the Charlie Weis Experience has made me pretty skeptical of how much recruiting stars really mean when high school athletes become college athletes. How many four and five-star running backs simply vanished into the depth chart because they were out of shape, poorly coached, and underused? Aldridge, I believe, was a five-star, and he was practically invisible in 2009.

InTheBleachers @ 5 – I have a friend from Minnesota who once stopped at a Bojangles in North Carolina to get coffee and nothing else. Appropriately, he was roundly mocked by everyone there.

by Ancient Chinese Secret on Jan 28, 2010 10:53 AM EST reply actions

Three cheers to the detestable Mr. Leach as he sues the ever-lovin’ pants off of everyone around him. Huzzah, I say, sirs!

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Jan 28, 2010 10:58 AM EST reply actions

I nominate “Jimmy Ballslap from Saskatoon” as this site’s standard collective pseudonym for any overhyped, undertalented, or otherwise doomed recruit.

As a family, though, the Saskatoon Ballslaps were titans in the golden age of ice hockey.

by Doug on Jan 28, 2010 11:05 AM EST reply actions

I second Doug’s nomination….

And, I’d like to add that the Ballslaps were chased out of hockey by new plastic protective devices, such as the facemask and the cup

by MikeLew on Jan 28, 2010 11:19 AM EST reply actions

So Jimmy Ballslap is the new Barkevious Mingo?

by Jack Fact on Jan 28, 2010 11:22 AM EST reply actions

I thought I hated Craig and his son, “My Little Pony”, as much as I could before this… I was wrong.

by GamecockTony on Jan 28, 2010 11:29 AM EST reply actions

Jimmy Sexton took lessons from this guy on getting what he wants…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzu61QA_72I

by BoKno on Jan 28, 2010 12:06 PM EST reply actions

Raining Bloooooood! From a lacerated sky!

by One And Done on Jan 28, 2010 12:45 PM EST reply actions

Third. Any time your school’s prized, hyped recruit turns into a miserable failure, the coach will have “Jimmy Ballslap’d” his recruiting class. Harris, your additions to the lexicon are invaluable.

Also, I’d like to force the Four-Letter to ditch this Kenny Chesney/Dave Matthews shit for music and make metal for ins and outs mandatory.

by Signal to Noise on Jan 28, 2010 12:55 PM EST reply actions