JIM TRESSEL AS A BLACK GUY IS THE COOLEST BLACK GUY EVER
by Orson on Jan 26, 2010 12:10 PM EST
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PrintJim Tressel is so uncool he's almost cool. Note that: almost. Devo still holds Ohio's crown for dork cool, and as endearingly retro as Tressel's sweatervest combos, complete obliviousness to the passage of time, and wearing an actual whistle a lot of the time may be, Tressel still fall just shy of being genuinely anti-cool cool. The illustration below analyzes Tressel's unique dork-chic, a kind of outfit out of what probably falls under the image category "football coach" in Drew Carey's imagination.
The clothes don't really do it, though: it's Tressel's deep, unsoiled whiteness that makes him so damn Tressel-ish. Pardon us: the better phrasing would be "it's Tressel's deep, unsoiled whiteness that makes him so goshdarned Tressel-ish." For proof of this, we performed a racial inversion experiment on Jim Tressel, and the stunning results follow after the jump.
BAM! BLACK TRESSEL!
Black Dandy Tressel is the end of fashion as we know it. Don't even try to emulate: Black Dandy Tressel kills it so hard every day he's like fashion genocide on the streets. White Tressel may call it punting, but Black Dandy Tressel calls it "going deep, foot-style." Your move, Negative Doppelganger Tressel. Until further notice, Black Dandy Tressel is assuming command and dazzling you with the matching socks and style sharper than the laser-powered mind of Craig Krenzel himself.
(HT: The Sartorialist, via Tyler.)
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The sharpness of Krenzel’s mind is matched only by the adamantine bluntness of his skull.
Black Tressel looks like a certain ATLien.
by ronald on Jan 26, 2010 12:19 PM EST reply actions
Black Tressel’s wristband for cause is a silver chain. Thuggin.
by Denny on Jan 26, 2010 12:22 PM EST reply actions
Fuck Weezer*. You knowwhatI’msaying?
- Except for a few songs on Pinkerton
by F O U R on Jan 26, 2010 12:23 PM EST reply actions
man that photo of black Tressel just screams LSUfreek – there is something farky about it
by BoKno on Jan 26, 2010 12:26 PM EST reply actions
Red, gray & black argyles. Now that’s pure Ohio.
by yoyofutbawl on Jan 26, 2010 12:32 PM EST reply actions
The Bell House in Brooklyn has an excellent drink named after the Pinkerton album. Citrus vodka, triple sec, cranberry juice, 7 Up, squeezed lemon.
by Middle America on Jan 26, 2010 1:00 PM EST reply actions
The only thing missing from BDJT is a properly employed pipe. Observe:
by Go Big Rev on Jan 26, 2010 1:12 PM EST reply actions
Has anyone notified the Subcommondante about this? This seems like need-to-know stuff for him, right?
by spartymike on Jan 26, 2010 1:31 PM EST reply actions
Do they have alot of floodwaters in Ohio? Because those pants look awfully short.
by hobeg8r on Jan 26, 2010 1:34 PM EST reply actions
Still slower than Black Meyer, Black Saban and Black Miles.
by Ryno on Jan 26, 2010 1:35 PM EST reply actions
Don’t get me wrong, Weezer gets on my damn nerves these days as much as the next guy, but The Blue album was also a damn fine CD in addition to Pinkerton.
by rtw on Jan 26, 2010 1:35 PM EST reply actions
This dude was photographed at this year’s Pitti Uomo, so I doubt he’ll be taking too much fashion advice from the readers of EDSBS. (Also, HOW WOULD YOU SEE HIS AWESOME SOCKS IF HIS PANTS WERE LONGER?)
by Matthew on Jan 26, 2010 1:51 PM EST reply actions
Ryno @ #11
But faster than Black Kelly…
by W.C. Fields' Nose on Jan 26, 2010 1:54 PM EST reply actions
Sorry, but I gotta call “Fail” on this one……..
Tressel would never wear a jacket over the sweatervest! That’s like Mr. T wearing a turtleneck over his chains, or Les Miles wearing a helmet over his hat, or Rex Grossman wearing pants. You can’t cover up the most obvious and relevant sign of a man’s identity.
by Derrick in KC on Jan 26, 2010 1:56 PM EST reply actions
The white short sleeves are possibly a tribute to Woody Hayes, who always wore them, blizzards be damned.
The $10 haircut, however, would have been seen as 5 times an acceptable rate by WH.
by W.C. Fields' Nose on Jan 26, 2010 1:58 PM EST reply actions
black tressel’s recent article on the theoritical effects of supersymmetry in preventing high quantum corrections was a helluva lot more exciting than any of the games white tressel coached this season
just saying…
by okiedomer on Jan 26, 2010 2:10 PM EST reply actions
Shoot. If I was rockin’ some socks that flye, I’d have a pair of grey worsted wool hot pants. Check the shine on my man’s shoes. Check the cool-as-a-polar bear’s-toenails pocket square. You think this man wears his pants like that on accident?! Hell no. Soon as he tried them on, he said to tailor, “Yo, Steez. Make ’em shorter.”
by Harris on Jan 26, 2010 2:34 PM EST reply actions
I forgot to add: The only thing missing is a pair of Mark May glasses. Then, he’d REALLY be cool.
by hobeg8r on Jan 26, 2010 2:52 PM EST reply actions
Why does white Tressel look more worried about job security than black Tressel?
by blazin on Jan 26, 2010 3:26 PM EST reply actions
What White Tressel may lack in sartorial style, he more than makes up for in mental and physical health (yeah, I’m lookin’ at you Meyer and Miles). And I’d choose a sweatervest over jorts any day of the week.
by MC Hammer on Jan 26, 2010 4:02 PM EST reply actions
http://www.slashfilm.com/wp/wp-content/images/big-mommas-house-3.jpg
Big Momma Mangino.
by Big Momma Mangino on Jan 26, 2010 5:57 PM EST reply actions
Hobeb8r, please do not embellish Mark May’s jeolousy anymore! Woody would sartorially evaluate both as slicker than snot on a black or white ceramic door knob.
by DMasterJ on Jan 26, 2010 10:04 PM EST reply actions
The whole thing is just plain stupid. Don’t you have anything better to do than analyzing Tressell’s outfits?
by m on Jan 27, 2010 5:15 PM EST reply actions
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