CURIOUS INDEX, 1/25/2010

by Orson on Jan 25, 2010 9:47 AM EST

He's the Genius of Love (and losing money.) Mike Hamilton's fine leadership and superb coaching hires put the Tennessee athletic program in the red for the first time since 2005. This would all be so much easier if he only had a brain.

The good news is that they get $800K back from Lane Kiffin over the next three years for leaving early, a hefty sum Kiffin will pay back with long hours at the Gamestop.

Mike Hamilton is not the only MC 900 Foot Jesus. Bill Byrne came under fire in uncomfortable fashion in an audit of A&M's finances, and if you want your uncomfortable raw and unadulterated by spice, get it from the rumbly and indignant voice of Gene Stallings himself:

"Are we going to live within the budget? We’ve been asked to reduce things all over the university," said Regent Gene Stallings, a former Texas A&M football coach. "How did it get so far off?"

Jeff Toole, the new chief financial officer hired in July for the athletic department, said he wasn’t there when the problems began.

Stallings didn’t skip a beat.

"The guy sitting to your right can tell you. I’ll ask Bill."

Byrne's response to questions of fiscal irregularities: bats. As always, the answer has something to do with bats.

Or options three and four. Team Speed Kills gets Manichean over the Urban Meyer Retirement/Non-retirement saga, something well-charted by Jon Bois over the weekend at SBN:

Prediction: Meyer will end up taking off a few days and then return to the Florida program maybe a week later. I know: "He's human." "It's just the way he is." "People aren't always rational." I've heard all the excuses.

But it's a joke. Maybe he didn't plan this out beforehand -- I'm inclined to think that no one is that cynical. That doesn't mean it isn't a joke now. This is not complicated. Either Urban Meyer is too sick to coach or he isn't currently sick enough to deserve your sympathy.

Or options three and four, if you're into your non-dualistic thinkin', baby. Three: he completely wigged out after the soundest defeat since 2005, triggering a total meltdown into full blown public and ugly nervous breakdown he worked through in shaky and indecisive fashion. Four: no one has a clue, everything's still effectively up in the air, and he's earned the goodwill from Florida to do that while still holding together the number one recruiting class in the nation. Where sympathy comes into it at this point is beyond us, unless you'd just like to get peeved at Meyer in the first place (which, after the initial shock, most Florida fans seemed to have abandoned in favor of ye olde reliable fatalism.)

Testudo: he'd have wings. The rumor du jour is Mike Leach to Maryland, which would be a fantastic fit if only to watch Sleepy Retreadville (the ACC, natch) kicked in the balls by the Detestable Mr. Leach.

The Nike-branded moon was in retrograde. More on this in a bit, but when a robbery and a beating happen involving your football team on the same night, something's spinning sideways in the celestial event generator.

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Comments

Orson,
you couldn’t find the Beavis and Butthead commentary version of said video?
Or would that have ruined the fat beats?

by Boozy McHound on Jan 25, 2010 10:00 AM EST reply actions

With apologies to Mr. Jagger, our devil doesn’t want your sympathy.

by Jack Fact on Jan 25, 2010 10:02 AM EST reply actions

With Paul Johnson and Mike Leach in the ACC, you could actually cover parts of the conference and still be entertained!

by Tim James on Jan 25, 2010 10:29 AM EST reply actions

When did the Vikings hire Les Miles to consult on how to run a 2-minute drill?

by yoyofutbawl on Jan 25, 2010 10:30 AM EST reply actions

I especially like the circular reference occurring with the Orgeon robbery article. That’s a nice touch there.

by Jonathan on Jan 25, 2010 10:36 AM EST reply actions

Mike Leach to Maryland? They’re gonna need a new mascot. How about the Gameras

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3177/3078194562_ae4784e6d3.jpg

by Guvnah on Jan 25, 2010 10:42 AM EST reply actions

The Lakers’ owner Jerry Buss, who is a USC grad, paid the $800 grand, to cover his majesty The Kiff.
That is ridicuRous.

by Charlie on Jan 25, 2010 10:46 AM EST reply actions

Les Miles 2-minute drill jokes. Funny. SO FUCKING FUNNY!!!! HA HA HA!!!

by Kevin@LSU on Jan 25, 2010 11:00 AM EST reply actions

While I understand taking the favorable view of Corch Meyer as a UF alum/fan, if you can’t see through this shadiest of rekrootin’ stategery ever then you’re a total blind-ass homer.

FWIW, I can respect that. I’m just sayin’ “God told me to coach you at UF” or whatever that shit was. Seriously.

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Jan 25, 2010 11:05 AM EST reply actions

I cant see how Leach would work at Maryland.

Sure the fans are usually obnoxious assholes, but Leach is far too controversial for their tastes.

by DrB on Jan 25, 2010 11:05 AM EST reply actions

Stoopnagle:

We’re entirely open to the possibility this is a sinister rekrootin’ scam, too. It’s all totally up in the air at this point (thus extreme fatalism.)

by Orson Swindle on Jan 25, 2010 11:09 AM EST reply actions

Nice subtle shot at you Orson in the link at the end of that Duck robbery article. So, what exactly would you cover up for Tim Tebow? Not that there ever would be anything to cover up, but you know….

by Brian O'Blivion on Jan 25, 2010 11:11 AM EST reply actions

9 – I read that the “God told me to coach..” stuff was invented on an Ohio St message board and never independently collaborated.

Not that I’m denying Meyer’s robotic, efficiency-only morals. (How else can he hope to compete with Satan himself?)

by cantcatchuf on Jan 25, 2010 11:37 AM EST reply actions

For Tebow? Nothing, since he’s by definition infallible. For Grossman? Now, that’s a practical question.

by Orson Swindle on Jan 25, 2010 11:40 AM EST reply actions

Sure, Meyer could be pulling the ultimate bait & switch, but that seems risky (and something I don’t think Foley would knowingly allow) in that you could end up with the Rivals #1 most disgruntled recruiting class, evah! Cause I’m sure players who feel scammed will work and play just as hard.

My guess is pretty much the same as this site’s proprietor. Overreaction to SEC beat down eventually yields to Type A+ coaching personality that needs his fix.

I prescribe interweb backgammon. The best part of playing online is that after you beat a dipshit, you get to hear them whine about how “lucky” your rolls were. Tears of morons are the best elixir for a weak heart.

by North 2 on Jan 25, 2010 11:45 AM EST reply actions

MC 900ft Jesus ranks right up there with Buckethead on the list of artists that don’t get enough attention thanks to Fox and the current state of commercial radio.

by DrBundy on Jan 25, 2010 11:46 AM EST reply actions

True. You’ve been covering up his man-love for Brian Urlacher on this site. I know it!

http://www.blogdownchicagobears.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/urlacher-rex-mural-1-w-logo.jpg

Also, there really needs to be a COTG showdown of holiness between Tebow and Wuerffel. Just planting an off-season seed…..

by Brian O'Blivion on Jan 25, 2010 11:46 AM EST reply actions

Stoopnagle,
the only problem with that particular rekrootin’ scam is that the sources are not exactly well defined. Risking ridicule by linking deadspin, but:
http://deadspin.com/5454226/the-blogosphere-eats-itself-over-meyers-god-gambit?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:deadspin/full%28Deadspin%29
That said as an UGA fan can he just go ahead and retire…

by Jonathan on Jan 25, 2010 11:51 AM EST reply actions

Is there any doubt that Urban is/has used the following:

“Look, I’m supposed to be taking a leave of absence for my health, but I had to call you to make sure you’d come to Florida. I really shouldn’t be calling you, because, you know, I’ve got to rest OR I WILL DIE, but I’m calling anyway because THAT’S HOW MUCH I WANT YOU TO BE A GATOR.”

Rekrootin’ high-jinks of the hi-est qualtay, folks. Not even DACOACHO can match it. It’s sinisterly strategic.

The only way Meyer isn’t coaching UF is if he is dead. He’s not taking a LOA. He’s not taking a game off. He’s not stepping back for the sake of his family and faith (that right there is a laffer). He’s not sick, he’s sick.

by Gen. Stoopnagle on Jan 25, 2010 12:19 PM EST reply actions

When asked for a comment, Meyer said, “I’m not a business man, I’m a business man.”

by Brian O'Blivion on Jan 25, 2010 12:36 PM EST reply actions

I heard the kid was going to Florida because he was told he could live with Sandra Bulloch. Hell, I’d go to Florida for that, and, you know, I’m a Dawg fan.

by Sundawg on Jan 25, 2010 3:40 PM EST reply actions

FYI, RE: Cap’n Leach – The detestable one recently acquired a home in the Florida Keys and enrolled his children in local Key West schools, so it looks like he may be preparing to sit the season out. In fact, I have personally witnessed the dread pirate enjoying libations in various Duval Street saloons a few times already this month. I have heard rumors that he may be a volunteer assistant coach at the local high school unless an amazing job falls into his lap. (ie. probably more amazing than Maryland)

Link: http://keysnews.com/node/20222

by Chas on Jan 25, 2010 11:34 PM EST reply actions