IN YOUR HEART YOU KNOW IT'S RIGHT

We prefer to keep our head above the scurrilous, undocumented rumor surrounding Lane Kiffin's alleged personal misbehavior while at Knoxville. We prefer not to comment on an alleged car wreck where he plowed a Lexus full of comely young lasses into a lake and then called UT higher-ups in a panic, or about an alleged and completely unsubstantiated fuckpartment he used for late-night trysts with ladies who did not exist and therefore could not be his very real wife. All of this is sordid, unsubstantiated, and complete fiction until someone pays for photographic evidence of it, and who would pay for such a thing when no one would want to see it?

Instead, we choose to focus on a less divisive and controversial issue: abortion.

Tim Tebow will appear in a pro-life Super Bowl ad sponsored by Focus on the Family, who will undoubtedly focus on the story of how Tebow's mother was told to abort Tim after she became sick while pregnant in the Phillippines. This will sound great in between Bud Light's expected "Monkey Farting Flames Ad #2" and "Cretinous Drunkards Avoiding Contact WIth Horrendous But Attractive Shrews Ad #5", and surely hit the right note of moral gravity they're looking for in this ad.

There will be fair and balanced coverage of the issue, however, and topical coverage at that. Pro-abortion advocates will pay for exactly three seconds of a still image highlighting the advantages of abortion "in a sporting context the average viewer can easily identify with, especially if they're a Tennessee Volunteers fan." EDSBS has obtained an EXCLUSIVE preview of the image, and it does not disappoint for sheer oomph.

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