MEYER USING THE SKYCAKE DODGE TO RECRUIT

Satanist: "Well, yeah…I guess you kind of have to go to Alabama."

GOLD, Jerry. Pure gold!

Re Baptist: So THAT’S how he got Tebow! I knew Timmy wasn’t that squeaky clean!

A Buddhist football recruit, really? Must be a kicker

Satanist: "Well, yeah…I guess you kind of have to go to Alabama."

The absolute best ever! Never even saw it coming until it sank into the brainpan…. and now it is there forever :-)

Pure genius… hats off and a round of Sam Adams…. has to be noon somewhere

reads post
stares blankly at wall
weeps at having wasted his life

I can’t wait until the hunger strikes and non-violent protests begin. Which coach do you think would light himself on fire in a recruit’s living room to get them to commit? My money’s on Les Miles.

Rodrigo Rosenberg is impressed.

Enlightenment is evidently at the intersection of Patton Oswalt, Yazidi Kurds, and college football. 100 cocktails.

What if the recruit is a Pastafarian?

Presbyterian: God has predestined that you go here. Pray and you will see it is His will.

Non-denominational: We have casual dress and contemporary music. Man, just come as you are. This is a real place for real football players.

Personally, I’d go with the guilt angle when recruiting Catholics. Much more effective.

Agnostic: How do I really know if you or Sabastian Rolle is the correct recruit for next year? Nobody can prove it either way. I choose neither of you.

Westboro Baptist: GOD HATES VOLS! VOLS GO TO HELL! YOU ARE GOING TO HELL! GOD HATES THE WORLD! YOU ARE ALL GOING TO HELL! GO GATOR!

You know why you always take more than one Baptist with you when you fish? If you take just one, he’ll drink all your beer.

Radical Muslim: “Let’s take a group photo-here-hold the remote. No, just press the red button. Yes, I’ve read the Qu’Ran. It’s all about peace-let’s do this photo. Everyone say , ’Allah Akhbar!”-press the button. No, it’s not about the intermediaries, hit the button. Personal relationship with a God-hit the button. I like Jesus- that carpenter knew what nails are for-press the Allah lovin’ button!"

Ray Peterson: [chanting] I’m not going to listen to this, I’m not going to here this now.
Art: Ray! Ray! Your chanting!
[points to book]
Art: Ray, unconscious chanting… your chanting!
Ray Peterson: [continues Chanting with fingers in ears]
Art: [chants] I want to kill everyone. Satan is good. Satan is our pal.
Art: Hey, once they get in here,
[points to Ray’s head]
Art: its over pal.

OK, I’m taking this ball and running with it…

Kali-Ma Thuggee Cultist: “You don’t believe you are mean’t to play for me? You will, young recruit… you will. Hahahahah!!” /makesrecruitdrinkbrainwashingblood

Glorious.

I must be a worse lapsed Catholic than I thought: is that actual Latin or something made up?

Derek Dooley=Failure pile in sadness bowl.

@18:

My Latin class was in High School, so I’m a tad rusty, but, I think it’s something along the lines of:

“Angels would come out to show you that doctrine and logic wouldn’t lead you anywhere else, son”

But, my skills in Latin are… just north of nonexistant nowadays.

IRONY THREAT LEVEL ELMO

Hashishin: Come with us, and you’ll get to smoke a bowl of cannibus and have three teenage girls pleasure you. Then we’ll teach you how to stab people.

Oh, and Da U serves rape for breakfast.

“Mr Dizzle says: What if the recruit is a Pastafarian?”

Well for starters you gotta sell it in Pirate-speak. In which case you need to call Leach for ideas.

Lutheran: (singing)

“A Mighty Fortress is our Swamp,
a field where we’re victorious.
Bedecked in blue and orange stuff,
It is a vision glorious.
The old satanic foe,
Is not Addazio,
If you will come and play,
We’re sure to win the day!
Corch Urban has no equal…

SIGNED.