Somehow, this is all just a vast plot to twist Georgia fans in knots they didn't imagine were humanly possible: today's phantom candidate is Derek Dooley, aka "Mike Shula with a law degree."

If they wanted an old-school hire, going with the well-organized preppy 17-20 head coach of a genteel SEC great is about as old school as you can get. He uses the right fork! His RSVP note was immaculate! Oh, my, did you see the part in his hair! AND HE COMES FROM SUCH GOOD STOCK. Mike Hamilton is horrible at what he is paid to do.

UPDATE: After Whittingham turned down UT this morning, they got Dooley. It's official.