EVERYDAY SHOULD BE BAMADAY: WHY YOU SHOULD ROOT AGAINST TEXAS

This is honestly the worst case scenario match up for LSU fans only rivaled by an Alabama/ USC matchup in NOLA. I have to go aginst my SEC Brotherhood contract, pay the fine, and root for Texas tonight. For the greater good of the entire country, you don’t want Bama to win.

/loads pistol

Snead is headed to the NFL per ESPN.

Nomaaaaaaaaah! Nomah’s makin out with my sistah!

Don’t hate on Thin Red Line. Or…

Anyway, it’s a great film, a war movie that refuses to be exploitative.

conference pride was something invented by losers who can’t do it for themselves

you think unc ever cheers for duke basketball? you think ucla ever pulls for the trojans? you think michigan pulls for ohio state?

Alabamans actually drink Karo’s darker cousin: ALaGA

I believe we tried to give west Texas back to Mexico once, but they rejected the offer.

Oh yeah? Well, hate all you want! Your tears taste sweet! Your jealously drives us! Yall r just mad because yall cant play for a national champnship and you obviously can’t…..oh wait, this isnt a “bash bama” post?? Nevermind

/slowly backs out of room

GaolieLax: Actually most Michigan fans do tend to root for tOSU during Bowl Season. Or well, we don’t actively hope for them to lose, which counts as rooting, right? Ideally most Michigan fans prefer for tOSU and Michigan to come into the game undefeated and set up a meaningful game for the championship, which of course we win. Games like the #1 tOSU and #2 Michigan from a few years back are the games that the rivalry is made of (although we prefer examples where we win). One team limping in, half dead is not an ideal game.

Sparty on the other hand can go burn in hell 24/7/365. We much prefer Sparty come in fresh off a loss to some MAC school and ready for us to finish off the mercy killing of Little Brother.

Hamm and Egger Dept:

Mia Hamm was born in SELMA, ALABAMA and went to college in North Carolina! (Why would she root for Texas instead of Bama?) Nomah went to Georgia Tech. These two johnny-come-lately-pretender-type fans.

Picking between Bama and Texas is like picking between Rosie O’Donnell and Rosanne Barr. (probably would go with the one that stinks less)

Did you know that Colt McCoy and Jordan Shipley are roommates? They are.

i don’t believe in conference pride (fuck your baylor!), but i do think it’s every decent american’s duty to hate the university of texas*

rammer jammer, mc hammer, roll tide roll

I have never understood why people cheer for other teams in their conference during bowl games. My hatred of SEC foes is year round and steadfast.

GO GATORS!!!

HOOK ’EM HORNS!!!

Watch Generation Kill to cleanse The Thin Red Line from your system. It’s a way different war, but after seeing it you’ll find it impossible to take Malick’s warrior poets seriously.

LSU Kevin,

As a non Texas member of the Big 12 brotherhood, I can tell you that a Texas win is no great shakes either. As near as I can tell this is like Red Sox vs. Yankees, Cowboys vs. Redskins, or Mark Mangino vs. Cracker Barrell; there are no winners, only casualties.

Hey, our contribution to cinema includes more than just this Malik fellow. Our Radio, Television, Film department also gave the world Wes Anderson, his quirky films, and the consistent protagonist roles provided to one Owen C. Wilson.

Hey, Safety Dan! I don’t know about the others, but at least I remember the time that Michigan beat Ohio St.!

Jefferson, R. T. Death by hanging.

Cinematic history:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OZ_OZbIr_rE

Re 5: The “SEC Pride” thing works because so many SEC teams have their top rival out of conference. (Florida-FSU, South Carolina-Clemson, Georgia-GT, Kentucky-Louisville, Arky-Texas) Auburn, LSU and Tennessee are the only schools that might consider Bama as the top rival. Plus, Auburn being left out in 2004 was seen as accusing the SEC of being weaker than the Pac-10 and Big 12. Aww, hell naw. We play real futbaw in the SEC and we will let you know that. Even those of us who are transplants and carpetbaggers.

Orson-

You have disappointed me for the last time.

I will no longer participate in any more EDSBS Lives with you after this tripe.

I may be willing to concede that SEC is the best conference since Freek hails from the Cajuns.

You also gave us an invasively portulent Luke Wilson.

I am a non-partial observer (sort of), since I am not a fan of either team. As much as I hate to their fucking core dislike the SEC, I am having a hard time making a case for Texas winning this game. IMO, they are too one dimensional and rely too heavily on Walter Hutchinson. I can’t root against Texas as easily as Bama, but if I had to wager, I think I would have to take Bama and lay the points.

Screw you were from TEXAS!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5xjGgiDloRg

The positive vibes emanating from Mcconaughey after the birth of his son this week are going to will the Longhorns to victory.

That all you got, son? Well, these are just fine and dandy, and the bit about our more “trafficky” residents is precious… until one of El Chapo’s lieutenants drops in for a visit to clarify the finer points of the Sinaloa organization’s very legitimate and philanthropic practices. Just something to chew on.

I think I can be a touch more concise in offering your readership some compelling, folksy reasons to stay right with the almighty and root against the godless Tide tonight:

1. Their Mexican food sucks.
2. Because fuck them, that’s why.

And that’s the way it is, lawya.

Actually, Matt enjoyed the birth of a DAUGHTER this week…is that enough to will them to victory?

I’ll be the first to say that ten years ago, I’d be cheering for Texas in this game. That’s right, I’m not an SEC homer. My loyalties are to my alma maters, PERIOD. I was born and raised an Ole Miss fan, and would have loved nothing more than to watch every one of our SEC West rivals sink into giant…um, sinkholes. Of course, in the last ten years both my sister and I have received grad degrees from Alabama. None of that online shit either…I lived in Tuscaloosa (well…okay fine, NORTHPORT, but it’s practically the same damn thing), ate at Hooligan’s and the City Cafe, had copious margaritas at Pepitos, dragged my ass to the Quad at 7 in the morning to watch ESPN Gameday, learned all the words to “Yea Alabama,” have spent hours sunning myself and studying on the steps of Gorgas Library, and watched Fourth of July fireworks on the banks of the Black Warrior River. I was there during Hurricane Katrina and volunteered at the Student Recreation Center when it was turned into a Red Cross shelter, and the students, faculty and staff were the finest folks I ever had the pleasure of working alongside. When I had to go work for MSU, I cried the whole trip to Starkville, watching Alabama fade in the rearview as we drove west on 82. You don’t know how bad I wanted to STAY, but hey, in this economy you go where the paycheck takes you. I can say without a doubt that I am an Alabama Crimson Tide fan, and that I’ve EARNED that fanhood by virtue of residency and degree. I can’t imagine cheering on anyone else, short of my hometown Rebels, for the national title. And since the chance of Ole Miss ever playing for the MNC are about the same as me becoming Pope (I’m a. a woman, and b. not Catholic), I say ROLL TIDE ROLL!

as a vol transplant in san antonio I’m torn..

On the one hand .. fuck you David Palmer.. fuck you fuck you fuck you.

On the other hand..

well that sums it up..

hook.em.horns.

Bama, but only because everything associated with the fetid wasteland that is Texas is tinged with evil. EVIL.

I’m disappointed. While I understand why a Florida fan would want an Alabama win tonight – it would, after all, justify that horrible Gator performance in the SECCG – there’s absolutely no reason for the rest of the conference to drink the Bammer kool-aid.

You’re also forgetting that Muschamp’s last DC job had him pitted against his former boss, & quite successfully at that. Auburn taught Will how to hate all things Crimson, & I don’t think for one second that Mack Brown has let him forget it.

SEC loyalty be damned, no matter how much we need another bowl win. Hook ’Em Horns!

@#5 – just b/c Navy doesn’t have a conference and Maryland is terrible doesn’t mean conference pride isn’t valid. Then again, its understandably hard for ACC fans to have conference pride.

Holding breath and pulling 4 Bama,

Cause the marginal utility of them winning n+1 championships is ummm, marginal?

But them losing makes it difficult for the SEC to cut in line at all the cool clubs since we’d become sooooo 2006ish.

n = highest number average Bama fan can count to without using body parts, somewhere in the low double digits

Based on Coach Nick’s bowl preparation last year, I’m thinking the agent class is well dug into the Alabama defense by this point and will prove to be a divisive force in the locker room this year also, with Mt. Cody’s Midnight Black Escalade already idiling in the parking lot.

Also, is there anyway McElroy can repeat that performance from the SEC game when playing a non-disinterested defense? Horns win, easier than you’d think.

SEC pride is real. Even if the other schools are like our obnoxious/pussified/drunkard/crazy/inbred cousins, they’re still kin, and you’ve just got to stand up for kin. Our way of life v. yours. Go Dawgs, Roll Tide.

Meanwhile I’m just trying to get over being impressed at having a Murakami reference in my football.

Oh, and Roll Tide Roll my SEC conference brother… who still owns our ass and will until we curb stomp you this year.

I hope I hope I hope…

Alabama over Texas Dept:

Both of these teams stink, but, if I had to make a choice it would be for ’Bama to win.

Though, it would be interesting to see Bama lose and the aftermath from fans and non-fans.

pulling for your rival is like hoping your confederate flag waving 3rd cousin from Prentiss Mississippi succeeds in life..

sure you are family and all.. but fuck him and his albino kid..

ahem

for you non-Southerners, the food is pronouced “Kaay-row” with several accents on the a’s

and in Alabama, it is “cuisine de fantaisie” to have Karo Pancake syrup(with the green label) on toast…mighty fine eatin’

okay, back to your regular blogging

Despite the fact that Bamafan is a tie-wearing, pompom-waving, bang-sportin’ tool, I have to side with him tonight.

Because nobody is as unbearably arrogant as the Longhorns of UT-Austin*. And that was before VY stepped on campus and singlehandedly won a MNC for Sherriff Rosco. Now they’re insufferable, with their “we lost by one second” bullshit** and hiring planes to fly over other games last year.

Besides, their fight song is "I’ve Been Workin’ ON the Railroad, their band wears fringes, and they honestly don’t believe they get the majority of breaks/calls.

RTR, MFers!

• Just so you wouldn’t confuse them with UT-El Intercepted Paso.

• Look at the box score. Tech dominated for 50 minutes of that game.

@38

I have the Ohio version of that cousin and I hope he burns in a tire fire while the family name is still respectable.

I root for other Big Ten teams because the entire conference has been getting chicken kicked since ‘06. Prior to that, I used to say rosaries and pray for things like: “Dear God, let Desmond Howard get hit by a street sweeper.” Anyone with a semblance of objectivity acknowledges the ESS EE SEEE as the best conference. Gator fans don’t need ’Bama to win. Just think of how unbearable they will be. This site will be blowed up with paint huffing braggarts.

I believe the lauded Mr. Cronkite can can appreciate some of his own work.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fQNYmdgny2g&feature=PlayList&p=19BC1BA57A4B9A09&index=13

Raider Red, if Texas Fight is I’ve Been Working on the Railroad, then our national anthem is The Anacreontic Song. Tell me – why do you hate America?

In conclusion, get fucked you filthy commie. USA! USA! USA!

Who will ALABAMAMAN be rooting for tonight?

Texas is a blight on the nation. We all wish that you self loving clowns would follow your goofy-ass governor and secede.

The state that brought us the Alamo (they’re famous for getting their asses kicked), bankruptcies, the Kennedy assassination, ENRON, Dubya and nothing else but natural resources (an accident of geography, not the genius of its residents) really should feel free to get the hell out of the union.

But Ohiodawg, who would fight our wars?

If Texas wins (not gonna happen) does Mack Brown ride off into the sunset, handing the reins over to Boom MF?

Team – Conference – God – Country

That is our code.

Due to lack of Tebow in the title game, tonight’s absurd, kind of over the line, and vaguely homoerotic man-love from the announcing booth will be directed squarely at McCoy and Shipley. Together.

While we’re on the subject, did you know that Texas recently tried to ban gay marriage, forgot to put the word “gay” in the bill, and may have ended up banning marriage altogether?

http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2009/11/18/politics/politicalhotsheet/entry5700676.shtml

The AJC got it right by noting the irony that UGA doesn’t have a defensive coordinator while two teams with DC’s who graduated from UGA are playing for the NC.

I think SEC east fans will pull for Bama because they assume that if Bama wins the NC then an SEC east team wins the NC next year – ’cause it just alternates back and forth each year.

Oh, and Florida ends the season as No. 2 and no conference has ended up No. 1/No. 2 in like forever.

I wonder if the fine folks in Texas, AL managed to cash in on this game somehow. A raffle or a cake walk at the elemennery school or something.

Who gives a fuck about the game, we get to see the UT cheerleaders wearing chaps!

@6: Of course he does, after all he plays lacrosse and knows jack and shit about college ball. yankee, go home, and stay out of the midwest too, those slow white cheese eaters have had a pretty good bowl season.

And now Freek has ruined the Jack Lord turnaround shot at the beginning of Hawaii Five-O for me forever.

And how much does Terrance Cody weigh? About three fiddy. Divide by ten = Tide margin of victory. It’s SCIENCE………

While it is true that Texas is a million-ton super tanker full of liquid pig manure deliberately run aground on a pristine coral reef, and is full of EXTREMELY LOUD egotists who spend all day bragging about their status as the festering pustules of North America, Alabama is full of ignorant, self-loathing lardasses who WISH they were from Texas, and strive every day to make Alabama more Texas-like. So I gotta say Alabama sucks worse than Texas.

@ Kevin@LSU – n Alabama/ USC matchup in NOLA

If that should ever come to pass, I will do my damndest to get to the Crescent City and buy you a beer or 10 to help take the edge off. This offer does not extend to your thirsty friends as I have seen what you lot are like as a group.

Otherwise, I have to be honest, I can’t get all riled up about this game. Cheering against Texas would seem petty, and while the first CFB shirt I even owned as a pre-immigrant nipper was a Crimson Tide shirt, old laundry is not compelling enough.

@Golden Hand: Texans egotists? I love ’em.

The Thin Red Line is easily the shittiest movie ever made.

Somalia is more scenic than west Texas.

Texas leads the nation in percentage of residents without health insurance, drunk driving, home foreclosures, percentage of population without at least a high school diploma, teen pregancy, repeat teen pregnancies, child abuse deaths, on-the-job deaths, and megachurches.

Alabama gave us George Wallace.

Go Meteor!

In Texas’ defense, it was Malick’s time at Magdalen that made thin red line so tedious,

as a Texan and current resident of Lubbock, I’m going to have to corroborate quite a few of these facts. I love my state, but mexican food > tex mex. I entreat Bama to take down Texas with all deliberate speed, because I’m not looking forward to another year of Longhorns doing nothing but rub another title in the faces of every non-Longhorn. Don’t believe what they tell you, a majority of the college educated in the state of Texas are not supporting Texas

Seriously? A Haruki Murakami reference?

You never cease to amaze me, Orson. Bravo.

@ 40 – Good call on “The Eyes of Texas.” Any fight song that is copied from an outside source is automatically disqualified from being considered good. Extra points off if the song is stolen from another school. (UCLA and, especially, Oklahoma, I’m looking at you.)

Last night was one of those Eastern Front-type games where I was like, “Do I really want to pull for either of these teams?” In the end, I rooted for the ’Horns, partly because the Ess Eee See (whoo!) has been a little too full of itself recently (though Texas is hardly blameless in that regard) and partly (mostly) because of the chaps.

Oh, and if Colt McCoy is an elaborate ploy—and I think we all agree he is—then what does that make Case Keenum. He’s totally the Coy & Vance to Colt’s Bo & Luke.