Like every other boy born in Alabama from 1955 to 1980, I grew up wanting to be Joe Namath.

Two surgeries later, I can say with confidence that from the knees down, I made it.

My wife can’t stand how Rece Davis pronounces his Ls. It comes from deep inside his mouth where the dangly thing in the back of his throat is.

Also, you forgot Joe Kines’ 2005 National Inside Trout Championship, and Major Ogilvie’s 1978 Tear-away Jersey Title. HOW DARE YOU!

And let us not forget the Jimmy Johns COCAINE SAMMICH NATIONAL TITLE ROLL TAHD!

Hello Alabama fans. This is the kind of unfunny, mediocre, Rivals-style commentary people come here to flee. It is being published as an example of how fucking stupid comments can be, and how you shouldn’t comment on this blog if you even thought about writing this for a second. COME STRONG AND SMART OR GO HOME.

Hell, they should have given the Tide the tittle after they knocked Florida and it’s sumg fans down a peg or two. After reading this it appears they haven’t fallen as far as we’d like. But don’t worry, this is only the beginning.

12NC’s..22SEC’s….and counting…..RTR!!

Be funny, be quick, but don’t be ALABAMAMAN. Sincerely, the sumg management.

Cue Auburn threadjack in 3, 2, 1 …

How about the Logan Young “Eating Sammiches with Grace and Ease on the Stairway” National Champeenship?

The change is not official until I get a new blog header for EDSBB.

No NC for Daniel Moore paintings?

Jimmy Wales, founder of Wikipedia, graduated from the University of Alabama WOO ABILITY TO CHANGE WIKI ENTRY TO ELEVENTYBILLION CHAMPIONSHIPS AND AUBURN TO NEGATIVE INFINITY LOSERS WOO ROLL TIDE!

^and yes, I realize Wales also has an Auburn degree but I’m an Alabama fan so I’ll just ignore that. I’m also an Ole Miss fan…I’m good at ignoring things.

It was a special day when alabamaboy began posting as ALABAMAMAN.

ex-croominator – you just found another NC!!!!!

the James Willis/Jimmy Wales IRON BOWL FLIP-FLOPPER NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP.

Honestly fellow SEC fans.

Who going to jump ship and pull for Texas to win the BCS. I just might.

I’m pulling for entertainment. It’s going to be a long offseason without the warm glow of a good BCS championship game.

What about the “Ladies Love the Bangs National Championship” for the JPW Fratboy Sex-Helmet? That there adds at least 4 more titles. Pardon me, tittles.
RTR RTR RTR RMFT

ronald, it’s a well documented fact that Bama only ’cruits QBs with Bama Bangs.

JPW, McElroy, McCarron.

It’s like their version of Daniel Cobb.

Alabamaman…living proof Alabama fans have no shame, and precious little brains to go along with it.

Every UK basketball title won AFTER Bear Bryant left UK may owe a little something to ’Bama, somehow…..no?

Jersey Shore ’Bama Style Dept:

Here is my pitch to MTV honchos:

1) Get a nice sized trailer (triple-wide?), and
2) Make the babes wear “Daisy Dukes”, and
3) Mix Auburn and Bama fanatics together in the mobile home, and
4) Add in a gay negro from the north to spice things up, and
5) have plenty of moon-shine to lubricate the hilarity day ’n night
6) instead of Summer, schedule the show during footbaw season,

Man, I would pay big bucks ($2 or $3) to watch this gem of a show.

and the MOST FANS OF A SCHOOL THAT HAVE NEVER EVEN BEEN TO IT NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP

[cannot bring myself to say the r_ _ _ t_ _ _ part, even in type, even in jest…]

Kevin- i am actually happy to see Alabama in the game, but only because that kept Florida from being in it and allowed me start the first week of the rest of my life without hearing tebow’s name every 7.3 goddamn seconds. But i must say i’m gonna be pulling a little bit for ol’ Mongoloid McCoy to win it.

hey- if texas does win, though, will we have to crown UA with the MORAL VICTORY FOR A NEW-ISH COACH TO GET US HERE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP?

SKLM, you wouldn’t know in your blissful Mexican/American utopia, but white trash drama is not entertaining.

Shouldn’t there be a “National Championship Claiming National Championship” added to the list?

Sorry for being a master of the obvious…..

I like to think that Bama fans punctuate all sentences with ROLL TIDE or a Clayton Bigsby-like WHITE POWER.

make fun all you want haters…your tears taste sweet- # 13 is on its way home…ROLL TIDE MOTHERFUCKERS

Almost with you Kevin. But we still need the Tide to break with tradition and win a BCS game or we’ll have to hear from the Big Eleven folks for the next 8 months about the power shifting back north. I’m not ready for that just yet.

roll tide roll :(

Jeez, that pic of Joe Namath should be captioned “So easy a caveman can do it.”

WOO ONE MILLION YEARS BC ROCK NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP

Name one other coach who’s fallen backwards at the Cotton Bowl like that and lived?

It may only be in a metaphorical sense, but Texas’ coach probably did after the 1990 asswhomping at the hands of Miami. C-A-N-E-S!

Without looking it up, I’m willing to bet it was John Mackovic. He was at least undead while coaching Arizona earlier this decade.

ROLL TILDE BITCHES!! ~~~~~

How about a National Championship for fawning over a shitty BBQ place that isn’t that good to begin with?

Harris wins.

I’ve been wondering: at all University of Alabama functions, do speeches end with Roll Tide like they do with Go Gators, as a creepy stand-in for “Amen!” at some intense evangelical Christian service?

@ 20

I have more degrees from Alabama than most Alabama fans (1).

How ’bout a FRESHMAN CONGRESSMAN SWITCHES PARTIES NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP. ROLL TIDE! (not a political commentary, just a suggestion).

Alabama’s most recent NCAA sanctions were because of a textbook scandal— BACK-TO-BACK NATIONAL BOOK LEARNIN CHAMPS ROLL TIDE!!!!

Bama Punctuation Dept:

I thought it ended with: “It’s rolling, baby”
after some says “roll tide”.

Like “Boomah!!!”….“Sooonahhh” (from our nutty friends for ’Homa)

I have pulled for the SEC in every NC game… until this one.

I have to draw the line at pulling for Gump U. And if any of them try to say they would pull for Auburn if the roles were reversed they are not just rednecks but LYING rednecks. I want bama to lose every game in every sport and for the few fans who actually attended the school to lose their jobs — luckily so few fit the description that the state unemployment would only go up a few basis points.

My God I hate Alabama. WDE and Hook ’em Horns!

Should Snake Stabler win a national championship for drunk driving?

I thought they claimed one for winning the Fulmer Cup in 2008 also. I’m losing track of all of the faux championships Bama claims.

Cornball versus Cornball Dept:

I am not sure which one is worse:

a) Roll Tide
b) War Eagle

I’d have to say both are equally bad, actually.

#29-

That should bring out the torches and pitchforks. Y’ALL JUST DON’T KNOW YOU HAVE TO GO TO THE ORIGINAL LOCATION DREAMLAND WITH SIDES IS BULLSHIT BARNER FEED ROLL TIDE

@ 39

You mean the one on Jug Factory Road? Yeah, it sucks too.

It’s not even the best BBQ in the Tuscaloosa/Northport Metroplex.

Miss me some Hooligans though.

I love the bitterness and hatred.
Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.

speaking of Alabamans and books, the great fucking memoir “The Prince of Frogtown” by Rick Bragg is only $10 on Amazon. ALCOHOL RUINS FAMILIES NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP

Wow, there is some serious hating of Alabama and AL fans going on in here. I pulled for every SEC team in their bowl games, and especially loved the way UF layed it on Cinci. What’s the deal? Anyways, Roll Tide.

Who can forget 2008’s NATIONAL PEARL HARBOR COMEBACK CHAMPIONSHIP ROLL TIDE?

Previously held by Jerome Brown and the 1987 Hurricanes after the Fatigues Game loss.

Dude, if you lived in Alabama, you would understand how awful Friday is going to be. However, if they do lose, I may skip work just to listen to sports talk radio all day.

@ 43

Everybody gets a turn at being the punching bag.

Unless you’re Georgia or Tennessee. Our turns are in perpetuity. House rules, I’m sure.

@13 Way ahead of you. I will in no way root for the tahd. I hope they lose every game by 50.

bama ruls u! u ar just jellous! after we beet tecksas, we ar goin to win anoter natianal champianship! roll tide!

What @36 said.

Hook ’em horns. Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Razorback fan here and I’ll be rooting for Texas. That alone should tell you my opinion of Alabama.

Don’t forget the Timothy Leary class of ‘43 TRIPPIN’ BALLS NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!

@40 I totally agree. I ate at Dreamland (the original location) about 3 months ago and it was mediocre AT BEST.

Ribs tasted like they’d been broiled in the oven and slathered with sauce — tough and crunchy.

If any of you southern boys are ever in or near Hattiesburg, MS — find Leatha’s Barbecue and eat there. You won’t be sorry.

Leave it to the Fighting George Wallaces fans to turn awesometown into a shit storm. Too bad they aren’t as classy as their Heisman winner.

Austin is like Columbus, but warmer, louder and sexier. So I sez “hook ’em.”

My wish is that the first/last line of this video becomes the catcall of the Alabama season after losing the BCS Championship.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2010/01/04/dnt.parents.tattoo.kids.wtvc?iref=allsearch

“I don’t understand how this has blowed up so big?!!”

“This has blowed up so Bad!!!”

Love the sweatshirt, lady. Thanks for representin’ the Bama faithful so well.

Hook ’em Horns, Baby! War Damn Eagle!

Sullivan013

December 5, 2009 – 32-13.

WOOOOO WE MADE YOUR QB CRY AND YOUR COACH QUIT NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!

Roll Fucking Tide!

How about the Tyrone Prothro MOST GRUESOME LEG INJURY EVER WITNESSED NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP! ROLL TAHD!

Bama alum and New York Times executive editor Howell Raines hires and protects Jayson Blair, precipitating journalism’s biggest scandal. I don’t know how you word that as a national championship, but WOOOOO RAPE OF THE GOOD GRAY LADY NATIONAL CHAMPYUNSHIP COUNT IT BITCHES RTR

Even if I didn’t have a masters from Texas, as an SEC alum, I’m rooting like hell for the Horns. I hate everything in and from the state of Alabama.

A lot of “Hater-ade” being served up today….I do understand though why a lot of people want to see Alabama fail tomorrow night. I mean, if our biggest rival was on the verge of having a winning a national title, on top of being in a position to be the best team in the league for the next however many years, I would be a little jealous and worried as well…..

I will go on the record right now to say that I had hoped that every single SEC team would have won their bowl game…That doesn’t mean I cheered or rooted for them in any way, but I like to see the teams we play every year beat other conferences that I loath

Unfortunately, that didn’t really happen this year…

When the Title Game was announced, it took me all of 3 seconds to determine who I’m rooting for.

Conference Loyalty is but a feather on the scales of justice when balanced against the crushing mountain of Rivalry Hatred.

Let saxeT learn how the other half (of National Title Games) lives.

ROOOOOOLLLLLLL TIDE!!

“Never assume that Alabamans give a damn what others think.”

— Rick Bragg

Hate to admit it, but Bama got screwed in 66 & 77 – pure politics. However, the 1941 title is a farce, as they didn’t even win the esseeecee.

Until 1970, the NC was awarded after the regular season, and, if memory serves me right, the UPI (coaches) did not change until the mid-70s. This was due to ND not playing in bowl games until 1969, when they kicked Tejas’ ass BIG TIME. If there had been a vote after that game, ND would have won it, not UT. The pointy-headed intellectuals at the Associated Press (to borrow a Geo. Wallace term) reversed field and instituted the after bowl rule then.

Bama was goor but not great in 67, despite Snake. Hello Kiffinsee beat them, Free Shoes tied them ( I think) & then got whupped by Gene Stallings & TAMU in the bowl game.

I thought all the hate was doing people a favor, so they could feel scorned and then go out the next day in their jobs, family lives, and driving their cars pumped up and seeking redemption and respect.

Seriously though, this team seems to have some of the most earnest fans. You know it’s a comedy blog and most of us are just trying to come up with wisecracks, right?

I’m in awe of haybeav’s (58) central message to the rest of the conference: “You’re just jealous, scared, underappreciative of our glorious rise, too petty to be as magnanimous as we are, AND you’ve sucked in your second-rate bowl games.” Yes, we all feel righteously reproached.

INEVITABLE RETURN OF SUPERIORITY COMPLEX NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!!! RMFT RMFT RMFT

Don’t forget the MIKE PRICE FASTEST COACHING CAREER IMPLOSION NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP 2003

Don’t forget the ‘Coach Price diddled a stripper like George Leary Diddled a Resume to get canned before ever coaching a down of football’ Co-National Title Lifetime Achievement Award.

And of course, “No fanbase used more Dennis Fran bobbleheads for driving range practice swings as Bammer” National Title. They were undefeated and unscored upon that year.

Darn you, DG. I had to go poop mid-post and you beat me to it. But that title is legendary.

I’ll tell you what – let’s just say that Alabama has won n+1 “National Championships” where n is the number that any other SEC school has won (except Auburn, substitute n+4). Get back to me if this will solve the problem y’all are having.

Just remember, if Alabama loses the 1926 Rose Bowl, this blog’s probably discussing baseball or NASCAR (because college football in the South probably diminshes in importantance).

Having said all that, the hating really doesn’t bother me. It’s better to be hated on than dismissed as irrelevant (see Alabama football 1999-2006).

Rammer Jammer

Don’t forget the “Steely Dan Cracker Asshole” National Championship."

C’mon Meteor, just this once!

Re: 1999-2006

I did my undergrad at Bama right smack dab in the middle of those lowly years you speak of, so believe me when I say that I know what it feels like to feel irrelevant in regards to college football.

Chuckles,

Hoped for the same in first BCS championship (FSU-UT). Apparently I pray to wrong god.

As a Dolphins fan(yeah, I know) I’ve found it impossible to cheer for anything Nick Saban does. However, I would like to see the SEC get another BCS title, so with that in mind…

I’M NOT GOING TO BE THE ALABAMA COACH, YES I AM NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP

@45 – I can hear it now “Hey Paul, long time listener, first time caller. Listen, I just wanna know one thing – why is everybody so jealous of Alabama? They all just wish that Coach Nick Saban wanted to coach at their school! They are soooo jealous! Sabanation! I’ll hang up and let you talk. ROOOLLLLLL TIDE!”

For the record, I hate Alabama as much as the next guy, but they are going to handle Texas.

@ 61 – Actually, Texas beat Notre Dame in the ‘70 (’69 season) Cotton Bowl, 21-17. The next season, Ara Parseghian implemented the “backbone” defense (designed by a Maine high school coach, of all people) to shut down the Longhorns’ wishbone, 24-11.

How come everyone sans Alabama fans get the joke?

How many of them will even know what the “sans Alabama fans” bit means?

Also @28 – Masterful. +1 Internet joke bama fans don’t get

BamaTaxMan: Thank you so much for reinforcing the stereotype.

“Just remember, if Alabama loses the 1926 Rose Bowl, this blog’s probably discussing baseball or NASCAR (because college football in the South probably diminshes in importantance). "

There’s an Al Gore / Internet joke in here somewhere… I just know it.

And let us not forget the " Segregation now, segregation tomorrah, segregation forevah!" national title. Ol’ George sure knew how to whip up a crowd.

Bama sings ’em Rose Bowl Blues Dept:

Wow, just found out Bama’s fight song includes Rose Bowl line
Amazing.

Here is how the song ends:

“….Remember the Rose Bowl we’ll win then!
Go, roll to victory,
Hit your stride,
You’re Dixie’s football pride, Crimson Tide!”

Good job with the rhyming bidniss.

I just can’t believe Alabama would presume to be better than Myles J. Lane and Dartmouth in 1925.

Alabama of Indiana Dept:

If Notre Dame ever gets to the BS-BCS main bowl game, man will it be like it is today on the internets.

@36 just summed it up. Hazaa for the rest of the SEC for winning your bowl games, but here is a good representation of what Alabama fans are.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2010/01/04/dnt.parents.tattoo.kids.wtvc?iref=allsearch

How about the I do not freebase Cocaine NATIONAL CHAMPEEHSIP?

@ 67

Wow, did you just say Alabama was the proximate cause of football in the South? You, Alabama fan, have become a caricature of yourself.

Georgia won the NC in 1927, and it damn sure wasn’t because Alabama won the 1926 Rose Bowl. I guess the Ivy League has Harvard and Yale to thank for its college football dominance these days, huh?

All we owe to Alabama is the 85-Scholarship Rule and the NCAA Infractions Committee.

Ironically, all of these MNC endeavours are true; both good and fell

@79

If Notre Dame ever gets to the BCS Championship, the intrawebs will implode upon themselves. Nothing can sustain the onslaught of a million Tommy Kilborn fan-boys proclaiming Notre Dame as the cornerstone of college football.

@77

Orval Faubas ring a bell?

@77, my grandfather use to work for the Montgomery Chamber of Commerce and received an autographed picture from George Wallace and my dad went to school with George Wallace Jr.

No one in my family will be rooting for bammer tommorrow, SEC loyalty be damned, the end of the world could possibly happen within the next 30 hours…

74

Always thought the whuppin was after the 69 season and did not realize they played two years in a row. Thanks

Don’t forget the “2008 Undefeated regular season” national championship or the “We pay $200K for overrated high school offensive linemen” National Championship. Not to be confused with the “Mike Dubose can screw his secretary but better not go 3-8 two years later” National Championship.

What about the that mighty 94 team led by two-time national MVP Tom Hanks?

BEST PICTURE NATIONAL TITLE!!!RALL TODD!!!!!

Who can forget the one they earned after this year’s Bama-Tennessee game? The

WE JUST BEAT THE HELL OUT OF IRONY NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP

Nice to know the folks from the loveliest village have time to post on this most magnificent blog in between shopping trips for Texas gear…

Also, Ronald, @63, if you’d pull your head out of your ass every now and then, you’d realize the superiority complex never left. Bitch.

RTR RTR RTR RMFT

Wasn’t Foxworthy an electrical engineer?

asim,
straight as an arrow
CS ’06

Other potential claims:

Domestic Violence Post-Bama Losses NC

Got [insert whatthefuckever here]? shirts champs

Runner up in Jorts NC

THE BODY PAINT NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP!

(don’t do it)

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2082/2121100270_02b1cc5770_o.jpg

My only hope for Thursday night is no child in Alabama asked his Daddy to buy him a car after the game…

http://community.seattletimes.nwsource.com/archive/?date=20031001&slug=rage01

BTW, is anyone taking bets on whether Texas will put up another “championship” on their wall despite the outcome of the game Thursday night?

http://espn.go.com/blog/big12/post/_/id/1830/longhorns-have-claimed-the-2008-big-12-title-with-an-asterisk

I did it. Sigh. And what’s up with that elephant having to wear the houndstooth hat?

IT NEVER ENDS!

THE INTERNET LINGUISTIC NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP

(Bahr, Roll Tahd…)

Split title, The AP winner: Boston

(WELKAH! RETAHDED!)

@ 95: In the spirit of that guy who wrote the letter to Chip Kelly, I am petitioning you for the return of my eyesight.

typical bammer fan:

Brother-in-Law: " I remember when the Bear should have won the national championship in 1966…blah,blah,blah….."

Me: “You were a fetus in 1966”

Silver Britches, you just HAD to mention Hooligan’s, didn’t you? And me stuck in Starkville facing a winter storm warning…now I’m craving hummus, tabbouleh and mint tea, dammit.

And Alex, same here…if Baton Rouge and Auburn sank into the fiery pits of Hades tomorrow, I’d stand at the edge to keep warm and crack open a beer. ROLL TIDE ON DAT ASS!!!

Make fun of Alabama fans all you want, but you are underestimating the ability of Texas fans to also sink to the occasion. The public schools aren’t much better out here, plus they have more guns and pickup trucks.

No national championships for stabbings in t-town or having the best damn offensive player fishing duo known to man?

This just keeps getting better and better. Now we have a puppy fan trashing a gump for being arrogantly proud of retroactive, made-up titles while claiming an equally fallacious one himself. Har!

“Georgia won the NC in 1927, and it damn sure wasn’t because Alabama won the 1926 Rose Bowl. I guess the Ivy League has Harvard and Yale to thank for its college football dominance these days, huh?”

#5, I realize I’m late (I’m employed).

But, shouldn’t your post read, “Cue Auburn threadjack in 5”?

Alabama deseves a title for making Tebow cry.

I didn’t read any of the other posts. I can read, but I don’t care about your opinions. Alabama can claim any number of national championships and they can be supported more convincingly than a lot of assertions including the moon landing, global warming, and tom cruise’s heterosexuality. The fact is whatever number you would like to whittle us down to is your school’s national championships multiplied by 5 or 6, and you will continue to accumulate them at the rate of 2 every 50 years if you’re lucky enough to remain in our orbit. You can’t start history at an arbitrary point in time that validates you and discredits the ones that came before you. If anyone that didn’t already know anything about the history of college football before had been paying any attention this week and could pay attention to anything that happened since 1976 you might have read something about Alabama’s history in the Rose Bowl. Alabama’s shocking victory in the Rose Bowl is widely and correctly credited with bringing credibility to Southern football. I would say it brought credibility to Eastern football in general. When any of you get within 3 or 4 championships from Alabama, dispute the validity of the number we claim. It’s a big number and a big reason why people hate our fans is because we think we are better than you. We are and we don’t care what you think.

Thank you for not caring about our opinions.

Might I ask why you are so vehement in illustrating the “Jesus shit balls awesomeness” of Alabama football to a group of people that you, as a Bama fan, already feel you are better than?

It just seems… I don’t know… trivial?

News flash for Aubrin fans: After hearing about and seeing groups of pathetic barn fans planning get-togethers to root for Texas, I have to let you people in on a secret that will haunt your aubie dreams. If Alabama loses to Texas, it doesn’t mean a NC for the barn. I know this is hard to accept, but contrary to popular barn belief, Bama losses DO NOT add to the barn win total.

News flash for Gaytors: I know college football didn’t begin until 1990, so Bama is just trying to catch up to Florida in NC’s. We claim a few titles we shouldn’t , but Bama has also been jobbed out of several titles that it doesn’t claim. Let’s replace 1941 with 1966. Oops, forgot that college football didn’t begin until 1990.

@105

For his real feelings, negate nearly every sentence (He did read them all, he cares deeply how Alabama is thought of, etc.).

As for trivial,….. well, you just hit the nail on the head. That is the entire raison d’etre of an Alabama fan’s existance. At least those who aren’t alumni. It is the trivial nature of their existance that drives their passion.

Sullivan013

I sense lots of bitterness coming from fans of schools not playing for a national title tonight.

I love it. Haters Ball son!

I love all the commentary (not just here) on Bama’s titles, because FINALLY, that conversation is actually somewhat relevant outside of the mainboard and das bunker.

RMFT

@ 86

Yeah but Orval didn’t run the old “stand in the doorway, kiss my ass” offense. So you get to claim that national title on sure cussedness alone.

Kudos to comment #104 for pointing out what a hypocritical clown “Silver Britches” is. Georgia won it all in 1927 huh? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1927_college_football_season

I guess Georgia has joined us “delusional” Bama fans in counting questionable national titles. Who else is with us?

I haven’t wanted Texas to win more than I do now after reading the bama fans sucking their own dicks on this thread.
actually not only sucking their own dicks, but sucking the dicks of teams decades old. and fucking Dreamland? i’ve gotten better barbeque out of a gas station in Washington, DC than Dreamland- wouldn’t eat it if i were starving to death.

and the jackass who thinks that if AU fans rooting for TX think a TX win gives AU another win- you just fail hard.

i’ve never been happier to be out of the state of alabama- no matter who wins tonight if i had to hear the Tide fucktards running their mouths all day tomorrow i would definitely hang myself …