THE HOLIDAY BOWL DRINKING GAME: A HOLIDAY TRADITION FROM HELL

One shot each for every time En-dom-uh-con Sooo’s name is mispronounced; every “House of Spears” reference and every highlight of him molesting Colt McCoy.

“We taste Absolut Limon every time we see that fucking cetacean shitbag drags his fat ass out of the water and lazily bellyflops onto the water.”

Holy hell Orson, Absolut Limon??? Man up and grab some bourbon before your fellow Southerners storm the EDSBS gates with pitchforks and torches.

One shot for every Alex Henery punt downed inside Arizona’s 10 yard line.

IT WAS WHAT WAS IN THE FRIDGE.

1 shot every time some jackass says “Mr. Suh” and then points out how freaking clever they are for not saying Ndamukong, “I just say Mister!”

I’m going to run out and buy some Sobieski Vodka for the occasion since the EDSBS contextual advertising Gods are telling me to do so.

The Sobieski vodka ads showing up beneath this post already gave me a hangover. Oh, you magic internet traffic algorithms.

And every time the announcers mention Mark Stoops leaving for FSU or Bob Stoops just potentially maybe being rumored to be considered for the not-so-vacant Florida job (you know it will happen), drink.

Might I add a clause for a healthy gulp every time we get a camera close-up of Mike Stoops beginning his implode sequence on the sideline?

Also, High on Fire works well for morning ampage. I recommend Pig Destroyer when you really want the wheels to come off.

I still taste Absolut Kurant from 1995, so I empathize.

One drink for every snap taken by Cody Green. Three drinks if any announcer makes reference of him being “more athletic” than Zach Lee.

Drink 1: Everytime they show replay of Suh in BIG 12 champ game
Finish Drink: When they mention had SUh been slower, they probably would’ve won the game.

Chug a full beer: Any Urban Meyer/ Tebow references.

2 suggestions

1. a slight modification of #7 – i propose a drink everytime a stoops other than mike is mentioned as well as any mention of the “stoops brothers” collectively – i don’t want us to face the situation of someone saying “and mike called his brother bob to ask about how to handle the nebraska pass rush” and nobody is drinking, especially no OU fans who will need a drink when forced to remember how the husker d treated us like one of mangino’s players

2. a drink everytime craig james exhibits his bitch mentality – this one is obviously open for interpretation, so someone in your group will need to be appointed arbiter of deciding what qualifies – this of course would swallow any mention of his son and tx tech, a situation with such a fine display of bitch mentatlity that its byline should be “this is what luke was talking about”

One drink every time Bo Pelini can be seen chewing gum.

A friend and I locked ourselves in a closet once and polished off a bottle of Limon before heading out….I feel your pain. You cannot look at even a lemon without tasting your peanut butter toast you ate 3 days prior. I thank you for adding whales to the list of vomit inducing smells and images.

-Drink every time a Zac F’n Lee-run option loses yards.

-Drink every time they mention the perfect weather.

-Drink every time a replay of the last two plays of the Big 12 Championship is shown.

-Drink every time they remind the viewers that Suh’s father is from Africa.

-If Bo Pelini donkey punches an offensive player, kill the bottle and go to the store for more.

- Scotch suppositories if Nebraska scores more than 28 offensive points.

One drink:
-Every Nebraska third down conversion.
-Every time ESPN shows Erin Andrews in a raincoat (decent chance of rain). Finish bottle if Fowler & Co. send it down to “a soaking wet Erin Andrews” or some such.
-Every time Craig James appears onscreen. Finish bottle if he’s onscreen talking about his son. Burn house down in triumph if ESPN plays an LSUFreek version of the SNL “Get Off The Shed!” sketch starring The Detestable Mr. Leach.
-Every mention of Lou Holtz.

Continuous chugs:
-While camera shows Pelini at DEFCON 2 yelling at an official.
-Same for Mike Stoops.
-During the reading of the AFLAC Trivia Question. The first one to belch the word “AFLAC” following this, his/her cup/chalice/bottle must be refilled or replenished by someone else for the remainder of the game.
-During the reading of the AFLAC Trivia Question Answer.

1. - That’ll get you killed.

1. - Your #1 was on my mind. Suggestion: double down if someone says “The Stoops Boys” in a faux homey twang.

Is Craig James the announcer? How about a Pirate Shot (splash whiskey in your eye, shout “AAAAARRRRR”) if there’s a sign in the audience to the effect of “Adam James is a pussy”

1. - I think you’ve got the bases pretty well covered my friend.

er, I meant #14

Drink every time there is a mention of how historically close the Holiday Bowl is.

Also, if you want to get more loaded than Orson did because of the whale, drink every time you hear the words “Capital” and “One” together.

Drink every time someone argues Suh should have received the Heisman.

Drink every time someone talks about Pac-10 parity.

Drink every time Erin Andrew says “guys”.

Drink ONE WHOLE BOTTLE of vodka whenever Lil’ Red is shown. Then throw bottle at TV.

Drink at every reference to the brothers Pelini and Stoops friendship, Cardinal Mooney High School, Youngstown Ohio, or how Mark Stoops was a groomsman in Bo Pelini’s wedding. I suspect this will be one long drink just after coverage begins.

Drink for mention of the 1998 Holiday Bowl between UA and Nebraska.

Drink for a mention of the prolific “Air-izona” offense and how wacky it is that the Stoops boys are defensive coaches.

Drink for every mention of how much UA sucked this decade including a ten year bowl drought, but boy o boy has Stoops ever turned this thing around hoowee!

Finish when they mention the fact that UA is the only program in the Big Ten or the Pac-10 that has never been to a Rose Bowl.

Drink everything in your house if the phrase, “we’re in the dark about the whole situation” is said in reference to whether Leach is going to get to coach in the bowl game.

man, Orson…can’t believe nobody said anything about that video

you not only ruined going to circus’ for me, but for my unborn grandchildren as well… that was spooky awesome

but the bearded lady… she was cool hehheh…hehehe

Guess my suggestion is moot since Texas Tech just gave Leach that last nudge off of the plank.

Will you guys be live?

Drink for every mention of the Pac-10’s subpar bowl record this year.

Drink whenever Nebraska’s offense is ridiculed or otherwise berated.

For the brave only: drink whenever the Rose Bowl or Championship Game are advertised/previewed/discussed.

As a tweak on #9, you may also drink whenever non-athletic attributes of Zac Lee are praised – particularly his “heart” or “workhorse mentality”. If Cody Green does get snaps, you can go ahead and drink the whole bottle if the same are praised for him – ain’t gonna happen.

Continuous Chug if James says at any point “a boy named ‘Suh’”. Then shoot a man in Reno.

-Drink everytime Craig James refers to Nebraska vs Texas game as it appears to be WAYYYY more interesting than the pacific whatever bowl

- Drink Everytime Craig James says “theres certain things coaches can and can’t do” without him mentioning Mike Leach or whoever he payed off to fuck up a program because he wont admit his son is NOT he second coming of mike crabtree

-Take a shot everytime u see Erin Andrews wearing a non-revealing outfit…and you think of the old days when she was not so scared of revealing her perfect body

-DRINK A FULL BOTTLE OF WHATEVER IS CLOSEST TO YOU…Whenever Colt McCoy, Tim Tebow, and Mark Ingram are mentioned although they have NO RELATION to the game…or Suh’s performance

Finish your drink when Craig James thanks every one for there support of his family during this trying time.

Drink/chug every time you hear the B.O.B. song “I Am The Champion,” which is used to promote Bowl Week