THE HOLIDAY BOWL DRINKING GAME: A HOLIDAY TRADITION FROM HELL

WHITE! WHALE! HOLY! FAIL!

Last year's experiment went so poorly we simply had to do it again: tonight sees the return of the Pacific Life Holiday Drinking Game, itself a modification of the live Independence Bowl Drinking Game from 2007 and a holiday tradition ensuring that you both begin and end the year feeling equally poisoned on both ends.

The rules, as always, are open until gametime and subject to reader suggestion and the whims of the moment. Some modifications, however, are necessary to prevent you and your hosts from seeing the Pacific Life Whale metaphorically jumping from your mouth borne aloft by a tide of booze and whatever snack food you ingest along with the broadcast beverage.

1. No "Drink for Whale." My god, this can't be overstated. One of the worst hangovers of our adult lives came from drinking every time we saw the Pacific Life Whale, since there are no fewer than five different whale graphics on the field itself, a Pacific Life whale on every commercial break, and one on the pop-up graphics for the game. We taste Absolut Limon every time we see that fucking cetacean shitbag drag his fat ass out of the water and lazily bellyflops onto the water. Who's been a fan of rampant, indiscriminate Japanese Whaling ever since? THIS GUY.

2. Team dependent ones are preferred. For instance: lingering shot of Nick Foles' flowing locks? DRINK. Ndamukong Suh gets a sack? BIG DRINK. Nebraska scores a touchdown on a drive of longer than fifty yards? FINISH ENTIRE BOTTLE. It's not happening.

3. Announcer dependent ones are good, as well. Oh, the fun of calling this one with Craig James in the booth when his son is alternately being pitied for false imprisonment/accused of being a spineless little prince by his detractors. Chris Fowler smells broadcasting magic, and Jesse Palmer will cluelessly ask James how his son's doing on air. Erin Andrews will be on the sidelines, and that never generates any internet discussion at all.

Do your worst.

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