DID YOU ORDER THE CODE SHED?
by Orson on Dec 30, 2009 2:49 PM EST
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The best thing written about the entire Leach saga is not, sadly, our rapid-fire analysis over at SBNation. It is instead a short but savage remix of A Few Good Men posted by horninok on a Rivals board. (Via Darren Rovell.) We're reproducing it here because it is beautiful, uncopyrighted, and needs to be shared with the masses, but please: this is message board genius at its finest.
A FEW GOOD PIRATES
Gerald Meyers (Tech AD): *Coach Leach, did you order the Code Shed?*
Kent Hance: You *don’t* have to answer that question!
Coach Leach: I’ll answer the question!
[to Meyers]
Coach Leach: You want answers?
Meyers: I think I’m entitled.
Coach Leach: *You want answers?*
Meyers: *I want the truth!*
Coach Leach: *You can’t handle the truth!*
[pauses]
Coach Leach: Son, we live in a world that has sidelines, and those sidelines have to be guarded by pirates with swords. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Meyers? I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for James, and you curse the Pirates. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That James’s small shed, while tragic, probably saved games. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves games. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties with your fat little girlfriends, you want me on those sidelines, you need me on those sidelines. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very bowl games that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a sword, and stand a post. Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.
Meyers: Did you order the Code Shed?
Coach Leach: I did the job I…
Meyers: *Did you order the Code Shed?*
Coach Leach: *You’re G**damned right I did!*
Magnificent work, anonymous savants of these internets.
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You don’t need a patch over your eye to have honor.
by haybeav on Dec 30, 2009 2:54 PM EST reply actions
I officially hate Brian Kelly now. Imagine the possibilities of the Pirate Yarring in the Shadow of Touchdown Jesus.
by NewAZTiger on Dec 30, 2009 3:00 PM EST reply actions
Time for Leach to walk the plank. Get it? Cause he likes pirates.
(pirates are funny)
by devidee on Dec 30, 2009 3:11 PM EST reply actions
I’ve heard from an anonymous source that this is exactly how it went down.
by AParker on Dec 30, 2009 3:16 PM EST reply actions
meh, a few good men re-writes are tired and expected at this point. how long until i get to see a video of hitler reacting to mike leach being fired? the internet will provide.
leach/r kelly/midget/fat girlfriend >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>this
by ed on Dec 30, 2009 3:20 PM EST reply actions
http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/pages/Adam-James-is-a-pussy/223182147631?ref=search&sid=1037977892.2025819215..1
by whh on Dec 30, 2009 3:37 PM EST reply actions
There’s a strange skull and cross bones flying over Ben Hill Griffin….
by stockman on Dec 30, 2009 3:43 PM EST reply actions
FAILBOAT has landed for Alabama fans re: youtube football raps.
by NewAZTiger on Dec 30, 2009 3:56 PM EST reply actions
Funniest thing about #11: His momma named him Quintorris Lopez Jones
by NewAZTiger on Dec 30, 2009 3:59 PM EST reply actions
the funniest thing about this sentence I’m writing:
by Ltrain on Dec 30, 2009 4:05 PM EST reply actions
How badly are the James boy’s team mates hazing him? What a pussy!
by ohiodawg on Dec 30, 2009 4:08 PM EST reply actions
This fanboy fascination with Leach is unfathomable to me…but carry on mateys.
by zzgator on Dec 30, 2009 4:18 PM EST reply actions
Where will Leach land? My guess is he’ll either be at Illinois within the next week or Auburn after next season.
by Cotton Hill's Shins on Dec 30, 2009 4:32 PM EST reply actions
I think it may be time to revisit the “Reasons ESPN Sucks” thread, with the new #1 reason being “Getting Mike Leach fired because of bias toward a second-rate analyst”. Unbelievable.
by Smyth on Dec 30, 2009 4:38 PM EST reply actions
Someone pls tell me that lil’ James is majoring in Photography.
by horn on Dec 30, 2009 7:12 PM EST reply actions
Don’t shoot the messenger. ESPN did not get Mike Leach fired. They just reported the story, just like most other news organizations that cover sports. I think the decision to fire Leach was made once he failed to resolve the issue with the James family (apologize or sign the transfer or bake them cookies). Once he put it in the hands of the administration and the Board of Regents — he was done. He forgot the rule that bosses don’t like people who cause them problems — no matter how many games you win. I guess Tech goes back to being irrelevant in the Big 12 South.
by DD on Dec 30, 2009 9:11 PM EST reply actions
I have no dog in this one, other than sadness at Orson losing one of his most entertaining muses for this here blog. And I think Craig James is pretty damn insufferable.
But I do wonder if there is a deeper background story here — one focusing on the skeletons in Leach’s pirate chest — that will be coming forth in the next few days. Forgive me if this point has been made earlier around here, but I don’t see Texas Tech as a place that has much of an issue with a coach mistreating a player… this is the same school, after all, that practically tripped over itself to hire Bob Knight shortly after his firing from Indiana where he was caught on videotape choking one of his players.
Given TT’s history, this just reads a lot like “firing as culmination of a lot of stuff,” rather than “university throws successful coach under the bus over one incident.”
by Papa Lou BSU on Dec 31, 2009 2:06 AM EST reply actions
@11 and 13, and I mean you AZ tiggr
Hate to waste time and add to the Alabama/auburn thread highjack theory, but what the fuck was that all about? The subject matter on this thread is pretty clear. I didn’t watch the video because I have better things to do but, what does his mothers name have to do with anything? If there is a relevent issue that I am missing, please let me know. I’m a 50 year old fan (whose seen the best) and survived the bad years for Alabama and never tore anybody down because they were better.
Leach is partly to blame, but is getting railroaded by egos as big as his. Texas, like every other state, is full of them.
And yeah, I agree with ed at 6 that the “Few Good Men” parody is getting old (too easy). I like Orson’s SB story better (obligatory suckup statement provided by a new poster). Really!
by Another damn Dan on Dec 31, 2009 2:52 AM EST reply actions
Ddi we ever find out how much $$$ Craig James took whilst destroying SMU foreveh-evah.
by Wooderson on Jan 2, 2010 10:18 AM EST reply actions
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