CURIOUS INDEX, 12/29/09

by Orson on Dec 29, 2009 9:53 AM EST

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Go ahead put me in the closet.

Mike Leach isn't even mad enough to represent himself in court, though his lawyer seems Blackbeard-ish enough for the coach's taste:

"We're going to do everything we can to see that our client is duly served justice and that he's reunited with his boys as soon as possible,'' Liggett said.

Asked how he planned to go about it, Liggett said, "Through the court system, don't ya?''

Yarr to you, Francis Drake of the West Texas judicial system. Leach is going out with blade exposed and fuses lit, and though clearly posted nautical speed limits forbid it, he appears to be approaching ramming speed.

The Avalanche-Journal learned during that investigation Leach did not dispute the facts, but did not believe he had done anything wrong. Leach also told officials James was a slacker and his father was always calling and acting like a Little League dad.

After watching Mangino get scuttled at KU over a finger poke to the sternum and a long record of general dickishness, Leach ain't going easy. When we first heard this yesterday driving in the Mini Cooper Clubman That Induces Coaching Lunacy Every Time It Hits An Interstate, we assumed Leach was bad steak walking. Now, after a day, the hiring of an attorney, the consideration that he's the best Texas Tech football coach in modern history, and former players lining up to support Leach in a manner Mangino's defenders didn't come close to, this ship may not be stuck on the reef after all HEY-O NAUTICAL METAPHORS. Full stream here.

Tim Tebow, Relaxation Therapist. Tim Tebow's going to help Urban Meyer relax, thus not making our job of keeping easy Tim Tebow gay jokes out of the hands of those prone to make them. (His release is slow, too: take off running!) Our interim coach is Steve Addazio, and only the certainty that we will awaken to see Urban return after the spring game sporting an earring, driving a red sports car of some significant price after properly midlife-crisis'ing is keeping us from mainlining drain cleaner right now.

Au revoir, Shreveport. Georgia beat Texas A&M 44-20 in the Independence Bowl, proving definitively that the absence of Willie Martinez is better than the presence of Willie Martinez for a defense. (The addition by subtraction showed on special teams, too, where a key return sparked UGA early.) We listened to it on the radio, where UGA's announcers subtly shat upon the fine city of Shreveport several times whilst never mentioning the bowl tradition of watching dead cattle float down the river at dawn. < ----we may have picked this up from a hack liberal loser journalist's column who is emblematic of all that is wrong with America the youth and the things these days.

Aggie Snuggies. They exist.

The most beautiful Karl Dorrell imitator you'll ever see. UCLA has to go 12-1 over the next year to give Rick Neuheisel the same record as his predecessor had, a clear example of the biased math and facts the LA Times uses to cover UCLA football.

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Comments

Mini Cooper Clubman? Really? What happened, is your VW bug in the shop?

by El Kabong!!! on Dec 29, 2009 10:06 AM EST reply actions

Shouldn’t you be looking for a minivan or an SUV by now Orson?

by Kevin@LSU on Dec 29, 2009 10:12 AM EST reply actions

@El Kabong

Thought the same thing!

As for the Leach incident he’s lawyered up and from my countless hours of watching reruns of Law and Order this means he’s guilty and is trying to find loop holes and make a deal.
Lucky for him Jack McCoy isn’t anywhere near Texas to be the shrewd hippy pirate hater that he was born to be.

by InTheBleachers on Dec 29, 2009 10:17 AM EST reply actions

The whole Leach/James story is just a conspiracy perpetrated by the nefarious ess eee see. Someone as eccentric (that’s ess eee see speak for crazier than a shithouse rat) as Leach clearly belongs in the team speed and crazy coaches kills conference.

by doc on Dec 29, 2009 10:21 AM EST reply actions

This discrimination against slackers has to stop.

by Biggus Rickus on Dec 29, 2009 10:31 AM EST reply actions

So wait, Leach is implying that Craig James, former Tom Rathman impersonator and Pony Express stipend casher, might be that dickish, meddling parent that all Little League coaches detest? I don’t see how that’s even remotely possible.

by MaconDawg on Dec 29, 2009 10:37 AM EST reply actions

What is this Independence Bowl shit? It’s the WEED EATER BOWL, dammit. And always will be.

by yoyofutbawl on Dec 29, 2009 10:40 AM EST reply actions

who is this t.j. simers and why is he (presumably) paid to write words?

that was seriously the sorriest shit i have read regarding the sport of college football this year, and i read a lot of terrible blogs (even bleacher report). orson or holly, or some of the commenters for that matter, are infinitely more qualified to write a sports column for the l.a. times based solely on their ability to use words to form coherent thoughts (and secondarily, not to write exclusively in one sentence paragraphs).

i could give two craps about ucla football, so what i took from reading that piece is that t.j. simers is garbage. thanks, orson.

by ed on Dec 29, 2009 10:54 AM EST reply actions

Hmmm….Leach going the summary judgment route. I’m guessing they thought it would be harder to make him admit he ordered the ‘code red’.

by spartymike on Dec 29, 2009 11:17 AM EST reply actions

Aggie fan, yes, but we have yet another corn dog sighting in Louisiana. ’Nuff said.

by Tanner on Dec 29, 2009 11:21 AM EST reply actions

@ kevin@LSU

The Clubman has enough space for 2 kids’ seats and a stroller or two in the trunk, plus some actual crumple zone behind the rear seat (unlike the regular Cooper). If’n the Clubman S had been on sale 2 years ago, I’d have one of those instead of a WRX wagon. Not that I’m complaining.

@ ed – T.J. Simers is an equal opportunity provocateur who – unusually for an LA Times sports writer – occasionally hits the nail on the head. His column about the Dump Dorrell movement, after Dorrell was fired, was on target, and he’s asked some questions about SC and their AD that apparently no-one else at the LA Times can be bothered to ask in print… you know, minor things like where’s the AD and the compliance team, etc.

I’m not going to hold Simers up as a beacon of investigative journalism, but he’s no Bill Plaschke either.

by dc trojan on Dec 29, 2009 11:31 AM EST reply actions

I think you have the better of the two cars DC Trojan, but I’m biased toward STI tech.

by tzubear on Dec 29, 2009 11:50 AM EST reply actions

I guess I would rather the WRX, being AWD and all. I’ll probably be toting my kids around in my fture wife’s Vovlo XC90. SHe’ll get the Vovlo because I won’t give up my truck.

by Kevin@LSU on Dec 29, 2009 11:58 AM EST reply actions

- “my fture wife’s Vovlo”

That’s obviously a typo – I’m sure you meant to refer to her Vulva.

by Daniel on Dec 29, 2009 12:06 PM EST reply actions

It’s not the weed-eater bowl. According to the winners, it should be tagged the “bowl of future champions”. A veritable cornerstone of national dominance.

by Paul's Johnson on Dec 29, 2009 12:40 PM EST reply actions

@tzubear – horses for courses. Based on a quick spin in my father in law’s Cooper S, I think I’d get more tickets in one of those in daily driving. The WRX leads to false confidence in the snow – although fishtailing through the white stuff the other weekend was good for a laugh.

@Kevin@LSU – I’ve never been one for trucks for personal transport until I drove on the roads in and around New Orleans. Holy shit. Between that and the intermittent flooding, I’d be looking closely at a diesel F 250. (Incidentally, Mrs DC Trojan drives a now-entirely-worthless Saab, which was a nice alternative to the Volvo in the moose-avoiding-tank-from-the-north category of cars).

by dc trojan on Dec 29, 2009 4:48 PM EST reply actions

Doesn’t look like UCLA is making much of a push towards 12-1 in 2010…..

by PittsburghTiger on Dec 29, 2009 6:04 PM EST reply actions

the Snaggie?

by fallex on Dec 29, 2009 6:14 PM EST reply actions

Corrections Department:

Mangino wasn’t fired over poking a kid in the chest. He was fired over being such a massive asshole to everyone even tangentially tied to the football program (including the student parking patrol, secretaries, alumni, etc.), that his recent success simply wouldn’t be sustainable over the long run.

Also, he forced a kid to bear crawl up and down an astroturf field that was over 120 degrees in August, and the kid ended up with second-degree burns on his hands. A lot more than a poke.

by KennyGregoryRockThaCradle on Dec 30, 2009 2:27 AM EST reply actions